Having the mentality that no one really cares even if they ask about your life

mssweatypalms · Jun 29, 2021 at 10:15 PM

It's also tiring when people "care" too much. They think they can judge you and that you have to follow all the advice they give. Personally, I want only those people whom I care about to care about me.

Plus, in my native language,"how are you" is simply a "hello," so I don't really expect people to actually want to know what's going on in my life. On the contrary, many people in my country are too inquisitive about other people's lives. They ask too much, but they actually don't care. They just want something to gossip about. I think that's even worse.

rdgrad15 · Jul 10, 2021 at 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leomama

What are your expectations?

I don't really have any actual expectations, not really a high maintenance person.

rdgrad15 · Jul 10, 2021 at 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

How are you expecting them to SHOW they care? Are they supposed to listen to a detailed explanation of what you are going through every time you feel like telling it?

Do you expect them to FIX your problems if they REALLY care?

Basically the question really is, what do you expect out of others behaviors to prove to you that they care?

In that case, no I don't expect anything from them. I don't really expect anything from anyone really since that can come off as high maintenance.

rdgrad15 · Jul 10, 2021 at 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

And what are you willing to give to others?

Google the quote "only connect".

In terms of giving to others, I would give them the same amount they give me. Relationships of any kind should be two way, not one way.

rdgrad15 · Jul 10, 2021 at 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mssweatypalms

It's also tiring when people "care" too much. They think they can judge you and that you have to follow all the advice they give. Personally, I want only those people whom I care about to care about me.

Plus, in my native language,"how are you" is simply a "hello," so I don't really expect people to actually want to know what's going on in my life. On the contrary, many people in my country are too inquisitive about other people's lives. They ask too much, but they actually don't care. They just want something to gossip about. I think that's even worse.

Oh yes I absolutely agree, I hate it when people "care" too much because it comes off as either judgmental or they are doing it for their own personal gain. I've known people, past and present, that are like that. It comes off as forced or that they are doing it for the attention they hope to get later on when others find out that they were helpful. Also caring too much or being too helpful can also come off as the person doesn't trust you. And yes, people also ask questions so they can gossip about you later on.

unaluna · Jul 10, 2021 at 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

In terms of giving to others, I would give them the same amount they give me. Relationships of any kind should be two way, not one way.

What you want is not necessarily what the other person wants. To give or to get. It can get very complicated. Its not one thing, one item of attention, handed back and forth. Its you do something they want, they do something you want.

Otherwise you have to wait until you are an old guy and you just meet the same bunch of other old guys for coffee at mcdonalds every morning.

This is why god invented sex. It makes you think you have something in common.

Dont mind me, im old but i was cynical when i was younger too.

leomama · Jul 10, 2021 at 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I don't really have any actual expectations, not really a high maintenance person.

It sounds like you don’t like high maintenance people.

In terms of expectations it’s true they lower our serenity.

Expectations are healthy in a committed relationship and normal, to my understanding, however I don’t think you’re talking about committed relationships.

rdgrad15 · Jul 10, 2021 at 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

What you want is not necessarily what the other person wants. To give or to get. It can get very complicated. Its not one thing, one item of attention, handed back and forth. Its you do something they want, they do something you want.

Otherwise you have to wait until you are an old guy and you just meet the same bunch of other old guys for coffee at mcdonalds every morning.

This is why god invented sex. It makes you think you have something in common.

Dont mind me, im old but i was cynical when i was younger too.

Yeah I know not everyone's needs are the same which makes everyone unique.

rdgrad15 · Jul 10, 2021 at 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leomama

It sounds like you don’t like high maintenance people.

In terms of expectations it’s true they lower our serenity.

Expectations are healthy in a committed relationship and normal, to my understanding, however I don’t think you’re talking about committed relationships.

Yeah I agree and yeah it's really not about committed relationships. More of just people asking things about you or asking how you are in general even though there's a very good chance that they genuinely don't give a crap. The way I see it, if they truly care, then they will make the effort to get to know you and it won't come off as nosey or them wanting to gossip, even though that can be the case at times.

leomama · Jul 10, 2021 at 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Yeah I agree and yeah it's really not about committed relationships. More of just people asking things about you or asking how you are in general even though there's a very good chance that they genuinely don't give a crap. The way I see it, if they truly care, then they will make the effort to get to know you and it won't come off as nosey or them wanting to gossip, even though that can be the case at times.

What does it matter if people ask or not? They are just small talk or being friendly. In what context do you know these people?

Britedark · Jul 12, 2021 at 06:06 AM

Nobody cares how I am doing. They are asking out of politeness so I give them the sketchiest outline before I turn the spotlight on them. If they are genuinely interested they have the option of asking more questions. I keep an open body language. If they show no further interest, I don't hold it against them or judge them. I don’t show much interest in others' lives either. Maybe we can have a deep and meaningful about a specific topic. But generally asking about each other is more about social nicety than genuine interest, in my humble opinion. I do respect contrary opinions, though.

rdgrad15 · Jul 13, 2021 at 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leomama

What does it matter if people ask or not? They are just small talk or being friendly. In what context do you know these people?

I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m bothered, this mentality doesn’t bother me at all. This was just a general question on whether others felt the same way and had the same mentality.

rdgrad15 · Jul 13, 2021 at 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Britedark

Nobody cares how I am doing. They are asking out of politeness so I give them the sketchiest outline before I turn the spotlight on them. If they are genuinely interested they have the option of asking more questions. I keep an open body language. If they show no further interest, I don't hold it against them or judge them. I don’t show much interest in others' lives either. Maybe we can have a deep and meaningful about a specific topic. But generally asking about each other is more about social nicety than genuine interest, in my humble opinion. I do respect contrary opinions, though.

I absolutely agree with you and I’m the same way. I’ve been taught that people genuinely don’t care and only ask out of politeness. I agree that if they genuinely care then they will ask more questions, but even then some people may be just nosey and looking for reasons to gossip. But otherwise, I give them the bare basics and put the spotlight on them as well. I know it sounds harsh and I learned the hard way, but not everyone who asks, even friends or family, about how you are or what you are doing in your life, truly cares all the time.

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