FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#1
Anyone have the mentality that no one really cares about what's going on in your life regardless if they ask or not? I've been conditioned to believe that in almost all cases, even when someone asks how you're doing or what you've been up to, people truly don't give a crap about what's going on in your life. If they do ask, in most cases it is out of obligation or politeness and they could truly careless. I've been told by others that people don't care, and not just towards me, but towards others as well and that most people are only in it for themselves.
In fact, a casual friend I had in college had this mentality and anytime me or anyone else would tell others what's going on in their lives, whether it was online or in person, her response would be, "Okay, but you need to think and be truly honest with yourself, do they actually care? Like, actually think, do you think they really give a crap? Nope, they don't." Now I think the way she went about it was a bit arrogant and I would sort of ignore it, but at the same time, I believe she was right too. And as time went on, I developed that same mentality especially since it was drilled into my head by her and others, so it really stuck to me. I use to post stuff on social media, like Facebook and Twitter, but anytime I would post it, I would think, "Does anyone care? Do they really want to know? Nope, they don't." And I would delete whatever I posted. I only post photos now and even then I'm careful how often I post photos. Same thing in real life, when someone asks me how I'm doing or what has been going on, I usually keep it superficial or even just say not much because I ask myself the same question I was asked by a friend, as well as other people, which was whether or not they truly cared. I'm sure there are some people that do care. Some family members and close long time friends probably really do care, but other than that, I don't think anyone else does. Even when a coworker asks how I'm doing or what's been going on, I believe they don't truly care and are just asking out of politeness and to make small talk. Especially since I"m not close to my coworkers, basically coworkers are on the same level as acquaintances. Has anyone else developed the mentality that no one truly gives a crap about what's going on in your life? I believe there is truth to this, but at the same time, there are some that do care but not many. |
Reply With Quote |
Britedark
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#2
I have heard that .
The question is : what are you looking to get out of those interactions? |
Reply With Quote |
rdgrad15
|
Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2021
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11
2 |
#3
I am very much so can relate to these feelings. I was brought up in a household where we didn’t talk about our feelings and how they resonated with us. I struggle to this day to actually think that somebody really cares and they’re not asking out of obligation. It’s the hardest thing to recondition our brains. I hate little petty conversation with people because it seems pointless. The one thing that I have learned is that the few people who are really in my life and have been for many years, regardless of circumstance, they really mean they want to know. I’m 38 years old and I still talk to my high school librarian because she’s the only one who took the time out to understand me and help me get through some of the toughest times in my life.It’s hard to reach out you don’t have to suffer alone. People are here for you even if you don’t think that they are, a lot of times strangers are going through the same thing and they’re the best ones to talk to. Sending much understanding and support
|
Reply With Quote |
Britedark
|
rdgrad15
|
Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,258
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,879 hugs
given |
#4
I ask them how they are doing, and I care. If I don’t feel like I know them well enough, then I don’t feel like I should ask just to be polite. So I presume people generally feel the same towards me.
Sometimes I think I may have given TMI. Then I am embarrassed I told them how I really am doing instead of the polite response of “fine”. When I was going through a trauma a couple years ago, I made a new friend and went to lunch with her. I spilled the whole story then felt mortified I told too much. I never called her again to nurture the friendship because I was embarrassed. That was dumb self sabotage on my part. She may not have even thought badly of me. Another old friend I reconnected with had a lunch with me. We had to give each other a brief history of our lives since we had known each other 20 years prior. I hadn’t even told her anything negative. She stopped me before I told her about my life and said she didn’t want to hear my stories of “gloom and doom” and she didn’t want to be friends! 😱. I didn’t take that personally. It was her issue as I had given her no reason to say that. She was just that closed and curt of a person. At least she was honest! I told her she should get a mat for her front door that says “unwelcome”. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
Reply With Quote |
eskielover
|
eskielover, rdgrad15
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,821
(SuperPoster!)
19 14.7k hugs
given |
#5
I don't have that mentality. I pick & choose who I tell things to IRL & if anyone does ask I will give them the "cliff notes" version. If they really care to ask more they are welcome to.... but it is their choice & I don't force details on them
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
Reply With Quote |
rdgrad15
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,517
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,280 hugs
given |
#6
Well of course family and close friends mostly care but other than that why would you expect every single person care about what’s going on in your life? It’s not possible.
|
Reply With Quote |
mssweatypalms, rdgrad15
|
Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Birmingham UK
Posts: 603
5 229 hugs
given |
#7
My small family don't seem to care. My aunt makes an effort but I don't think she knows what to say in various situations. My 16 year old niece has empathy but obviously not the life experience. As for my brother, he only does what he's allowed to do (by controlling wife!)
When someone asks about your life, it can be difficult to work out whether they mean it or not. I have a good (male) friend. We've never met in person but he's had to remind me on more than one occasion "when I ask how you are, I want to know how you really are". I'm more open with him than anyone in my family. It's an individual's choice how to deal with this. Family traits can influence how you interpret someone's interest (or lack of it). My mother's neighbour usually listens for about two minutes when asking how she is, then proceeds to turn the conversation to everything about her. Is that genuine interest; no. That's my take on it |
Reply With Quote |
rdgrad15
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#8
|
Reply With Quote |
leomama
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#10
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#11
Yeah that makes sense and I am the same way. I'm very careful.
|
Reply With Quote |
eskielover
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#12
Yeah I wouldn't expect it. I used to have trouble knowing if someone was asking out of politeness but now I know the difference.
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#13
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,517
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,280 hugs
given |
#14
|
Reply With Quote |
rdgrad15
|
Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,258
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,879 hugs
given |
#15
Quote:
The friend I gave TMI, I was really in trauma and it blurted out. Right after that, I learned (on this forum) how people feel about TMI and I was so embarrassed! The friend who was so curt, well that was just her personality. I wasn’t even put off by it, I thought it was funny. Though I would have liked to have another friend. People used to conform more to societal norms like asking how you are and probably pretending to care….but so what? I thought that was nicer than being honest to someone’s face that you really don’t care about them. Now, people generally (in USA?) are brutally honest and make no pretense about not giving a hoot. I kinda like phoney caring better. And some people truly do care, taking a moment to connect on a human level and make someone feel good. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
|
Reply With Quote |
Britedark
|
rdgrad15
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#16
|
Reply With Quote |
mssweatypalms, rdgrad15
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,821
(SuperPoster!)
19 14.7k hugs
given |
#17
How are you expecting them to SHOW they care? Are they supposed to listen to a detailed explanation of what you are going through every time you feel like telling it?
Do you expect them to FIX your problems if they REALLY care? Basically the question really is, what do you expect out of others behaviors to prove to you that they care? __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
Reply With Quote |
rdgrad15
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#18
Yep I agree. In fact, now I only give very brief responses to any questions they ask about me or about how I'm doing. The way I see it, if they truly care, they'll keep asking. And honest, even then there is no guarantee as well like you said.
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,108
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.9k hugs
given |
#20
|
Reply With Quote |
eskielover, mssweatypalms, rdgrad15
|