Should i breakup with my gf?

I have been seeing my girlfirend for a little over a year now, at the beginning of our relationship, i noticed that she had a few male friends from her past that she still kept in touch with, and i told her i would be more comfortable if she didnt talk to those guys, she stopped the snapstreaks with them and i thought everything was fine. A few days ago was her birthday, and i am on vacation at the moment (we live two hours from each other and only spend time together on weekends) so i came to stay with her for awhile in her apartment. She went to sleep pretty early, and i was up really late, i heard one of her friends text her, im in the dining room on my laptop and her phone is right next to me while she was sleeing in the bedroom, i couldnt resist looking through the phone, and i went right to her Snapchat. The same guy from the beginning that i asked her to stop talking to, wished her happy birthday, and i slide up to see the conversation and there are two pictures of my girlfriend half naked in the chat saved. I woke her up and we talked about it, she says she doesn’t remember sending them, but i just don’t believe her. For over a year this guy has had access to these photos and all she had to do was delete them from the chat, its like she wanted him to see. I feel betrayed, i cant realy look at her the same way knowing that this dude has been kwwping in touch with her our relationship, i dont really know what to do, any advice? Ive been really really sad since this happened

Yeah, bye.

It isn't so much the happy birthday message - that could be innocent enough. I may be old fashioned, but even if the pictures are old - prior to you asking her to stop contact - they don't show much common sense.

Has he been keeping in consistent touch, or did he only wish her a happy birthday?

Im not sure but ive seen them contact each other at the beginning of our relationship and now.

For her to say "I don't remember sending those pics" would feel fishy to me and bother me too. But who knows. I mean, does she have memory issues? Maybe she was high or drunk or something? Or maybe she is just plain lying because she doesn't want to have a fight with you.


How is your relationship other than this? How betrayed do you feel about this? I'm thinking, from wanting to break up with her, you're feeling very betrayed and hurt.


From your post, it sounds like from what you know, they have not been in contact until this, and then at the beginning of your relationship. It sounds like you have boundaries on what is comfortable to you and express them.


From her side (and my opinion too), it's not a crime to date multiple people while dating, especially in the beginning of something, when one person may feel more seriously than the other person. And him just wishing her happy birthday...maybe he's hoping she's single or something, and drunk texting. But it would be nice if you felt like she was being honest. You don't.


I can't tell you whether or not to breakup with your girlfriend. I feel I would need more information from your situation to advise you. But here's the bottom line: You could talk to her again first (have a dialogue), because you are not over it, and if you still feel crappy after that, maybe it's time to say goodbye. Or you could say "hey our relationship is solid and I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and our relationship another chance." Which of these speaks to you more? There's no "wrong" or "bad" answer.

So Sorry this happened! Please Do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that it is inappropriate but i think it is also important to understand if it has been constant or not. If it was a couple of pictures in the past perhaps you may be willing to forgive her although it really depends on you i think. How much of a deal-breaker this is for you? If you feel like your trust has been tarnished perhaps come couple counseling may Help if she's willing to do that. Otherwise you may even consider simply leaving her then. i Hope things will improve. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @BoomerMudcat, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Well the scenarios are considerably different if thy speak regularly or if they speak once a year, on her birthday. It makes a huge difference in assessing their current relationship.

With regard to the pictures: I imagine that she sent them as part of her ongoing relationship with that guy. She didn't think that much about it and probably forgot that she sent them and didn't think to take them down. I bet that she didn't mean to betray you, I bet she just forgot.

1) she didn’t lock her phone.
2) you didn’t trust her enough to not look in her phone .

I’m not a man so I can’t really answer your question. All I can say from an outsiders perspective is trust issues all around . My biggest question why doesn’t your girlfriend lock her phone? Why doesn’t she keep it next to her at night? That’s what most people do. It seems to me like she wanted you to find that.

You are not ready for a relationship. Let her go on with her life until you mature

I agree that its okay to date multiple people at the beginning too, but why does she have to keep in contact with those people still? Thats the part that bothers me..

What answer are you looking for? I think multiple people here told you to let her go.

Once again I'm going to be the odd one out.

Why does she need to lock her phone? Boomermudcat, you were a guest in her home. You had no business going through her phone. I also don't understand saying she should have had the phone with her. I intentionally leave mine in another room at night so the dang thing does not disturb my sleep.

I'm a bit unclear from the OP. We're the other guys she knew people she dated or friends who happen to be male? I can understand telling her you were uncomfortable with her seeing guys she used to date, but I see no problem with people being friends with people of the opposite sex.
About the half naked pictures... were they recent or posted a long time ago. I can see forget something posted a long time ago.

Wasn't he the one who said happy birthday to her? It was my understanding from your post that this is their first communication since they stopped talking when you asked her to. I don't see how this is keeping in contact.

I'm also wondering too...why are you looking at her phone? Is there a reason u don't trust her?

Well it depends on what you mean by keeping in contact.

Think about these scenarios for a minute:

--Would you object if they wish each other happy birthday and otherwise are not in contact, ever?

--What if she talks to guy friends online? Nothing romantic, facebook friends.

--What if her next-door neighbor growing up was a guy, is it okay for her to see him?

--What if she asks a guy at work to help her with something?

I don't think that trying to isolate her from guys is the right path to be on.

Do you trust her or not? If you can't trust her (or vice versa) then you two shouldn't be together. But if you do trust her, then trust her. Don't be going through her phone, don't be interrogating her over guys.

Think about who you want to be:

--Do you want to be the kind of guy who goes crazy with jealousy when his girlfriend comes near any other guy?

--Or do you want to be the kind of guy who knows his worth and stays calm about his girlfriend?

I totally agree with Bill3, and I'd like to add a bit to it.

First of all, I think it is controlling behaviour to tell a person whom they should or should not be in touch with. It is entirely up to them whom they wish to talk to. Secondly, just because someone leaves her phone unlocked, it is nobody's business to go through it. That is a gross violation of privacy.

Having said that, it is the duty of your gf to ensure there won't be any objectionable item on her phone, should you ever check it. I think there is problematic behaviour on both sides. I'm not saying I don't understand your side. I once had a hunch about an ex and checked his chat with his ex on the sly. Sure enough, there were incriminating texts. Those and also the fact that I was sneaking around behind his back instead of asking him straight, showed the cracks in the foundation of our relationship. Two wrongs rarely make a right. My advice to you is to try to build a relationship without coercion or dishonesty. If that isn't possible with this person, it's time to call it quits.

I'm curious what made you want to check her phone? Did you already have trust issues? Have there been instances of flirtation that made you mistrust her? The fact that you went through her phone says there was already mistrust on your part. I am not going to condemn you for that because I've gone through my husband's phone withotu asking and did find flirtatious texts, as I had suspected.

The other question I have is how could she say she doesn't remember sending sexy half nude pics to this guy? Of course she remembers! We all remember who we send sexy pics to, unless she's sent these kinds of photos to every male "friend" and cannot remember who or when. I think it's fishy as well that she can't "remember" sending them, which would send my own alarm bells off. It seems she's not exactly owning up here.

I don't think it means you need to break up necessarily, but I would have a serious heart to heart with her about trust, and about whether you can trust each other to not be seeking out attention from the opposite sex.

Some women keep male orbiters around. They need this for validation. That's why she keeps contact with "those people".

I am really uncomfortable with his. The way I see it, you seem *very* insecure. She is not doing anything with them, they are friends.

Is she not allowed to have any friends then? Or at least no male friends at all? What if your girlfriend had a lesbian friend. Would you demand that your girlfriend stop speaking to that friend too?

This seems very controlling and frankly, speaks more about your insecurities than anything wrong that she was/is doing. Actually, you are the one doing something 'wrong' by going through her phone (invasion of privacy?!)

It is not healthy to want to keep a partner in a cocoon because you seem to have trust issues. I would focus on that and explore where this insecurity stems from, rather than try to change my partner and tell them who they are allowed to see or talk to!