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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2021
Location: Toronto
Posts: 24
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#1
So my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years used to ask this question to me during the relationship every few months or so and I was wondering what everyone's take on it is. I've never been asked this question and I look back on it like WHY would she ask me such a thing?
"So if you were in an accident or something happened to you and you were on life support and would never recover.....would you want me to pull the plug and you let you go? Or let you live on a machine for the rest of your life in a coma?" So this is someone I was dating who was pushing me to buy a house together and then get married after that. I look back on it now as maybe that it was their plan for something to happen to me? The only reason I think this is because they not only just asked this question once....they would ask every few months! Any ideas out there? |
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Britedark
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Legendary
Member Since Nov 2002
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#2
I have no idea why your ex asked you this question, but I strongly encourage people in close relationships to have this conversation.
My husband was in an accident that left him braindead. Having discussed our wishes with each other made some difficult decisions easier because I knew what he wanted. I had power of attorney for my mother at the end of her life. Again, having discussed what she would want ahead of time made tough decisions easier. |
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Anonymous32451, Bill3, Uykulu
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Bill3, Britedark, mssweatypalms, Rive., RoxanneToto, sarahsweets
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: California
Posts: 81
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#3
The repetitive nature of the question is a bit alarming. Yet, here is some food for thought.
My mother was in a coma, with a breathing tube down her throat. She once told my sister and I that she never wanted to be this way. At least, I was at peace knowing the right decision. This is a good question to have with a significant other, but I agree the repetitive nature is a bit concerning.... --Sarc |
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RoxanneToto
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Britedark, RoxanneToto
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#4
I have a DNR order, so if something did happen to me, like I fell in a coma, hospital are not to interfeere.
I don't know how I'd feel about ttelling someone that (I'm single, I've never had to think about it) @lizardlady, power of attorney is something I need to think about. having no family doesn't make it easy |
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indigo1015
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Legendary
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#5
i don't really know why she kept asking but i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that it may be an important question to consider especially if you're Religious. i Hope everything is Ok with everyone though. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Vindicated17, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
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#6
It is an important conversation to have in the case of marriage particularly, and in this last year, I think many more people have sat down and had this conversation with each other. My husband and I both had living wills and medical power of attorney. We had had this conversation, and unfortunately, I had to put it to use a few months ago.
But this in an ex you are talking about, and I get the feeling you are wondering if she was planning something - seems a bit extreme. Probably was just on her mind. Why is it still on your mind? |
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mssweatypalms
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#7
The persistence of her asking would have bugged me, too. If I’d been asked and come up with a specific plan, signed etc if needed, I wouldn’t expect to be asked any more. Did she seem anxious about it, like she needed reassurance? Was she a worrier (or even forgetful) in general? I think those are important factors to consider.
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2021
Location: Toronto
Posts: 24
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#8
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unaluna
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2021
Location: Toronto
Posts: 24
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#9
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2021
Location: Toronto
Posts: 24
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#10
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2021
Location: Toronto
Posts: 24
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#11
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RoxanneToto
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Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Galaxy far far away
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#12
Having this conversation with someone outside of 'family' who does not get to have a say if such a situation arose (God forbid) is extremely weird. If my boyfriend asked me this I'd definitely freak out. This conversation is only appropriate for parent-child, sibling or spousal relationships (or for people in long-term, committed partnerships). Perhaps your girlfriend wanted to imagine herself in a position where she would have the ultimate control over your life and death. Perhaps she imagined it as a sign of extreme intimacy between the two of you- sharing your darkest thoughts blah blah. Some people are a bit dramatic that way. If you are thinking of more sinister stuff...Well, only you can say if she showed any antisocial tendencies other than this.
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Legendary
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#13
Vindicated, I have to agree that someone you are just dating asking the question repeatedly is weird.
Britedark, I don't find this an odd topic for outside the family to discuss. I've had this conversation with friends. |
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ArtleyWilkins, RoxanneToto
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#14
Vindicated, i think you dodged TWO bullets, by getting out of that relationship! Or one bullet and a cut brake line...
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#15
Quote:
Totally agree. In fact we got life insist for my husband the one with income after our first child was born when he was 21. At the time it seemed almost silly we were so young. Now at 46 and three kids at least something has been saved for a tragedy. We both have living wills and I bought a will kit. Is that good enough or do you really need a lawyer? My mom and brother are both ICU nurses and have/are working through Covid. Trust me if you didn’t think you needed to think about that before you definitely need to now. Think about all the people who are middle-age that never thought something like this would happen having to make these decisions? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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lizardlady, RoxanneToto
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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#16
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I admit in a new relationship can be creepy but at the same time I’m a philosophical realist and I’ve asked all sorts of people about this. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Galaxy far far away
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#17
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OP, I am sorry for referring to you in the third person. I did not mean to offend you. I just wanted to explain what I found disturbing about you ex's behaviour. |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#18
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Thanks for clarifying. I also misunderstood. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Britedark
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