[cinnamonsun]

I get asked all the time why I am still single. People tell me I'm attractive, hard-working, incredibly intelligent, kind, sweet, funny, and loving. They don't understand why I'm not with someone or married. I get asked if I have a husband and kids. No. I'm 35.

I went through a traumatic experience with a BF when I was 17, I was later diagnosed with PTSD. I did treatment, including EMDR. But I'm still single. I have the hardest time allowing love into my life. Every person who shows interest, I find a reason or excuse not to get involved. Or I get involved and then run and break up with them if it gets too serious. I now friendzone everyone because I usually run. I used to think it was my PTSD, but now I'm wondering if it's because I feel like I'm not worthy of being loved.

I'm always talking myself out of relationships. I've been taking care of myself for years, why do I need someone? I've saved myself a million times over, I have fought and survived horrible things. I had the support of online friends, but offline I faced it all alone. I work and make money and buy my own things. I'm so used to being single I can't remember how to even date or have a relationship. I wonder if I'm asexual at this point. But most of the time, I feel too damaged to be with someone. I worry about hurting them, or myself. Broken hearts hurt. I think having a relationship might be fun, but it scares me too. I sometimes feel like a failure because I'm 35 and never been married and don't have children.

I don't know what to do about this, but I'm trying to heal.

[RoxanneToto]

I’d start by asking yourself what you really want, and make plans to try and achieve that. Do you see a therapist of any kind?
A growing number of people are choosing to be single, so not everyone sees being single/childless in middle age or older as a ‘failure’, but I do get it’s not the same for everyone. I decided I was happier being single, but I can still relate to wanting to run when others get too close, or putting barriers up. It sounds like you’re still in survival mode, which isn’t surprising. PTSD can be complicated and takes time to address.
You have an intrinsic value as a human being in your own right, though, that doesn’t come from meeting society’s expectations of you (I.e. having all your good qualities ‘must’ mean you have a partner. It’s not like all your awesomeness actually goes to waste if you don’t, though )

[Medusax]

I would say because you really DON'T want it? And that is fine! Your worth is not determined by whether or not you are with someone. I wish I had figured that out for myself early on.