Permanent online relationships can't be considered "real love"?

I've heard people say a permanent online romantic relationship isn't "real love".
Ok. Then by your reasoning.
It won't be real "polyamory" when I'm in love with two women whom I have never met.
And a 20 year old girl I have never met.
Don't worry if it's not "real love".
Then it cant be real "polyamory".

I'll be open.
Tell everybody everything.
I never do anything I'm not proud enough to tell the whole world about.

I can’t say that an online connection can’t be considered real love because there is a psychological attraction that can be created as two people get to know real other.
But there is also real biology in a physical attraction. Real love needs that biological component.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote:

Originally Posted by Labhradha22 I've heard people say a permanent online romantic relationship isn't "real love". Ok. Then by your reasoning. It won't be real "polyamory" when I'm in love with two women whom I have never met. And a 20 year old girl I have never met. Don't worry if it's not "real love". Then it cant be real "polyamory". I'll be open. Tell everybody everything. I never do anything I'm not proud enough to tell the whole world about.

I dont think anyone should tell someone their feelings are not real love. But not meeting or seeing each other and not being in the same environment, meeting their family or even staying overnight means there are still parts of that person you just dont know.

I think I know more of the important things about her than even her family knows
I do know more than her family.
I don't care about trivial things
I don't care too much for physical reality.
Neither does she.
It's basically two loners in love.
The internet allows loners to be deeply in Love.
Don't call it physical love. But it's Spiritual, romantic.
My Faith is very different from others.
I have a Cathar/Gnostic-like aversion to physical reality.
So does she. Intuitively. But not consciously yet. Not completely anyways

You love and know God and you've never met Him/her.
Don't let God hear you say it's impossible to love someone you've never met.

You sound rather defensive about this - perhaps I'm just reading you wrong. What/who are you feeling the need to defend your relationship against?

Personally, I don't get the whole online relationship thing, but I'm admittedly older, was married for 34 years, and can't imagine not having experienced my husband entirely - physically, sexually, emotionally. We had children together. We traveled together. We supported each other quite literally through sickness and death. So I don't get how a relationship can be based on anything less than reality.

(And I am a very spiritual individual, but would never equate my human relationships to my relationship with God. Not the same thing at all. "Loving" someone and being in true relationship with someone are really not the same thing. Not fully in my experience.)

You gonna remember I am an Avoidant. Avoidant Personality Disorder. Being in the physical presence of other people makes me extremely nervous. And that anxiety never goes away. I've tried it. I've tried everything.
And she's a Paranoid Schizophrenic who sits locked away from the world. Relying on her family for help.
But I think we could do it someday.
Live together.
But if not.
I'm content with that.

I think if all parties involved in the relationship feel fulfilled and feel in real love then I don't see much difference from an in-person relationship.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

Exactly. Thanks ThunderGoddess..
And it's so coincidental that you go by that name.

I agree with Sarahsweets. Strictly online relationships do not allow you to see the whole person in their entirety. And that can be a vastly different experience than what one experiences online or long distance without ever having met.

I had a long distance online relationship that felt like true love for the first 6 months while we were distant and online. Then we moved in together, and I saw all of him, the good, the bad and the ugly and the ugly was really ugly. It became a total nightmare for me and eventually, I had to kick him out. He had hidden many parts of himself from me while we were strictly online and long distance - things I never knew and never saw came out while we lived together.

So, sure you can fall "in love" without seeing the person yet, sure that's feasible. But you cannot fully know someone inside and out until you've seen them in person and not until you've lived with them.

I think online relationships are okay as long as you both agree you will only ever interact in cyber-space. The online relationship i tried recently which was highly pleasurable online imploded when we tried to take it IRL and have him come visit me even tho i was going to have him stay in a guest suite and we would both be behind locked doors and have private time for sleeping and only interact in public settings. He backed out of it, said it would be too stressful, it was also a seven-hour drive for him. If we had just been happy staying online, we'd still be together now.

Some of you might have seen the thread on online marriage here on this forum. While this idea seems absurd, there are advantages to it. No picking up his dirty sock, not having sex when you don't want to, out of a sense of obligation and "wifely duty" like i suffered with for seven years and has screwed me up re sex for life. Having all desire for sex pounded out of me for seven years really made me conflicted about sex. And i'm an eejit about it now, desire mixed with repulsion.

I think an online marriage would suit me just fine. I know the guy i interacted with recently was at his best in print (email) and we both found ZOOM too intense. I'd love to be online married to him, but he confided in me his extreme co-dependence and i over-reacted and dumped him out of a concern for my own self-protection.

Maybe it was for the best, but i miss him and feel so alone without him. So few people "get" me, like the art i like and can comment intelligently on it, so few people have the time for me and yet this guy did and i dumped him out of fear that he would end up hurting me, when really he probably just wanted a few comforting words and maybe some direction in his therapy.

So that's all on me. Impulsiveness, to my eternal regret.

I don't see any reason one couldn't have a lifetime online romance and feel fulfilled but I just want to mention I do feel there is a difference once it's moved from online to real life and in my experience, anything I've moved from online to real-life didn't work out. But I feel a strictly online relationship is absolutely acceptable especially if you're the type of person that doesn't do well with the pressures of in-person interactions and I think it could even be a healthier form of a relationship than some people may be able to obtain in person.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

@ThunderGoddess:

Well said. Mixing cyber-space and IRL is a recipe for disaster. A cyber-space relationship can be almost as pleasurable as an IRL relationship, as i experienced recently with a wonderful man located a seven-hour drive away. I'll certainly take this lesson to heart, that if it starts in cyber-space, it stays in cyber-space.

Bravo.
Yes I'm actually working on what our ceremony would be like. Looking up rings. I think I've found something amazing.

I think you should do what you feel is best for you in this situation but from what I’m reading it seems a little confusing on how many women you’re looking to marry. I’m not certain but I think you can only be married to one person. And if you marry one person it’s essential your partner be okay with including another partner to the relationship. Again, by your posts I can’t tell if you’re in a poly relationship or not.

Another thing to keep in mind is to take an extended period of time to get to know someone before marriage is on the table. Generally, for myself I’d think it takes about 2 years to get to know someone to the point of knowing if marriage is a realistic next step. You don’t know people’s intentions right off the bat so I’m just saying there is no reason to rush to marriage.

Also, the time before marriage is something to cherish as things change after marriage and you can’t reverse that type of change it’s not that the change is bad but it’s a different type of pressure that exists after you make that commitment.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

I agree with @ThunderGoddess, things change after marriage. I know my husband tried a lot harder before we were married and treated me a lot better. After we were married he acted like he expected me to turn into Betty Crocker and cook for him. We were both working the same hours and making the same money, so why should i also cook for him? He spent all his money AND all MY money on himself! Why would i spoil him with pot roast when i was his financial and sexual slave? Don't get married IRL i advise women. Men expect you to "take care of" them. What, do they think we are their mothers? They want a mother in the kitchen and a wh_re in the bedroom! All for a brief courtship, a tiny piece of gold and diamond and a ceremony. So: NOT!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 I agree with @ThunderGoddess, things change after marriage. I know my husband tried a lot harder before we were married and treated me a lot better. After we were married he acted like he expected me to turn into Betty Crocker and cook for him. We were both working the same hours and making the same money, so why should i also cook for him? He spent all his money AND all MY money on himself! Why would i spoil him with pot roast when i was his financial and sexual slave? Don't get married IRL i advise women. Men expect you to "take care of" them. What, do they think we are their mothers? They want a mother in the kitchen and a wh_re in the bedroom! All for a brief courtship, a tiny piece of gold and diamond and a ceremony. So: NOT!!!

I just celebrated 26 years of marriage on the 2. Not all men are like that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

@sarahsweets and all:

Congratulations on your successful marriage and your anniversary! Apologies for my terrible tendency to generalize from my own experience to the world at large. It's a persistent problem i have and am working on but have yet to have much success with. Will keep at it tho and am so happy to hear that at least someone has a happy marriage and wish you continued marital success!!!

Still having trouble seeing your text as it is in dark blue. It's a strain on my eyes. Hard to see. I'd hate to miss your posts just because of the text color. What's going on? You can use a different font if you want to differentiate your posts from others, in their look. Just choose "Go Advanced" and choose a font and perhaps a size if you like. There are lots of cool fonts, i played around with Comic Sans MS for a while and also a typewriter-like font until i got too bored. If you have vision impairment that is the problem, please advise and i will cease my entreaties and just skip your posts.

Theres an app for that!

Go to My Profile, Edit Profile, and near the bottom, you can select how you SEE other peoples posts! I have everybody on black arial at 110pct. I dont fool around!

Dont forget to save your changes at the bottom of the edit profile page.

I've known my girl for three years. Better than her own family knows her. If it weren't for her I don't know how I would've made it through my mother's death

And no, she has started getting into sexting so I want be needing a polyamorous relationship.

I will look up that app.

And to the one that expressed the anti-IRL marraige sentiment, look up Leon Rosselson's song "Don't get married, girls". Great song.