Class rsvp change

I was accepted into a class series I'd applied to about my local government. It sounds so cool and interesting and I rsvp'd yes. I'm also quite intimidated socially and I'd rather back out now than later. It hasn't started yet. We just got an email about the first meeting place for it starting next week. She mentioned we will be eating dinner, meeting each other, and networking with the presenters. My first thought was "oh hell no I will not be being this social. Networking with presenters?" I'd also just gotten back from an event today from volunteering that was very social and painful for me.

I'd been thinking for a while that this class might not be for me at this time, due to me possibly avoiding it anyway, and my anxiety and I may be starting work soon. Which is stressful in and of itself. Plus I'm doing a bunch of other classes this fall. I don't want to overload / overwhelm myself.

So I called the contact person about an hour or so ago and said I wouldn't be able to do it this time around, and I'd apply again next time. I emailed her too.

The thing is, this class, it was so new and different for me, and interesting. And it made me feel like I had power. I've never felt that way. It was a good feeling.

I was wanting to say something again, like "please disregard my last message, I will be there." But I'm not sure about doing that. It feels a bit unprofessional to me, and I am not comfortable disclosing my reason for going back and forth - anxiety. My Mother said not to go back and forth too.

This might be something that I've "lost" so to speak, and will need to let go and apply another year.

What do you think? Actually, yeah, I think...I will apply another year. Maybe I can also brainstorm ways to feel more powerful without this class this year.

If you want to go, then I'd go ahead and reach back out and say "circumstance changed, I can make it, I'm so excited, is there still space for me?"

Omg, I just emailed her again and said that. I have no idea if this is "ok" but I did it. Lol.

I'm not going to take this class this year. I am sticking with my original decision. It was my decision and it feels best. I'm having this thread closed now.