advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
FridayT
Member
FridayT has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 55
8 yr Member
37 hugs
given
Default Sep 22, 2021 at 05:40 PM
  #1
How exactly would you have approached your partner?

Supposed your partner who had been supporting you and caring for you for years, spent his entire income, time, energy and his sanity on you. Not only that, worked day and night to bring home the paycheck and do all of the household chores while you sit around and do nothing. After having taken care of you in the hospital sacrificing weeks from work which ended up nearly getting you evicted, you’ve both are in deep need of help. What to do?

Kill your partner with a sword?
Tell him that he’s the worst provider?
Comfort him, offer support and have both of you work together?

There’s only one bed available in the apartment, you were asleep in the chair. It’s uncomfortable. You had allowed your partner to sleep in the bed because it’s uncomfortable for him to sleep in the chair too. You now wanted to sleep in the bed. He was just now up and was on his phone or tablet looking at something. What to do?

Yell at him to get out of the bed so you could sleep? Also, ignore that he just tried to greet you in an affectionate way, because f him, right?
Glomp onto him and kiss him and tell him you would like to sleep on the bed, if that is ok?
FridayT is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Buffy01, Fuzzybear, hvert, RoxanneToto, Yaowen
 
Thanks for this!
Buffy01

advertisement
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 26, 2021 at 07:25 AM
  #2
There is a difference between supporting someone and enabling someone. One partner killing themselves for another, at the detriment of their needs and boundaries, mental sanity or even emotional well-being is *not* support. This is not a healthy relationship. What Partner A is doing is only teaching Partner B that they can sit back and do nothing. Sorry but the responsibility here goes both ways.

Instead of killing Partner B or yelling at them (after all, Partner A taught Partner B that this behaviour was acceptable anyway): the relationship dynamics need to change. Partner B who is luxuriating in their partner doing everything for them needs to get their butt in gear. And Partner A needs to stop doing every single thing for Partner B.

That is, IF Partner A wants to stay in the relationship.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto
Buffy01
Wise Elder
 
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,460 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
9,664 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 31, 2021 at 09:30 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by FridayT View Post
How exactly would you have approached your partner?

Supposed your partner who had been supporting you and caring for you for years, spent his entire income, time, energy and his sanity on you. Not only that, worked day and night to bring home the paycheck and do all of the household chores while you sit around and do nothing. After having taken care of you in the hospital sacrificing weeks from work which ended up nearly getting you evicted, you’ve both are in deep need of help. What to do?

Kill your partner with a sword?
Tell him that he’s the worst provider?
Comfort him, offer support and have both of you work together?

There’s only one bed available in the apartment, you were asleep in the chair. It’s uncomfortable. You had allowed your partner to sleep in the bed because it’s uncomfortable for him to sleep in the chair too. You now wanted to sleep in the bed. He was just now up and was on his phone or tablet looking at something. What to do?

Yell at him to get out of the bed so you could sleep? Also, ignore that he just tried to greet you in an affectionate way, because f him, right?
Glomp onto him and kiss him and tell him you would like to sleep on the bed, if that is ok?
Support each other emotionally. Could you both shared the bed together?

__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
Buffy01 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
FridayT
Member
FridayT has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 55
8 yr Member
37 hugs
given
Default Nov 29, 2021 at 09:07 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy01 View Post
Support each other emotionally. Could you both shared the bed together?
We're now divorced and I am no longer with him. Also, we never share the bed together ever since we met because I'm a snorer and he tosses around in bed anyway.
FridayT is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
BigBubba
Account Suspended
BigBubba has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2021
Location: Europe
Posts: 162
2 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Nov 30, 2021 at 04:57 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by FridayT View Post
Supposed your partner who had been supporting you and caring for you for years, spent his entire income, time, energy and his sanity on you. Not only that, worked day and night to bring home the paycheck and do all of the household chores while you sit around and do nothing.
This is what you do to get divorce Mistakes men do pretty often when they try waaay too hard. Women dont need servants, they need men. Such a shame.
BigBubba is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 30, 2021 at 05:29 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBubba View Post
This is what you do to get divorce Mistakes men do pretty often when they try waaay too hard. Women dont need servants, they need men. Such a shame.
Funny how you automatically assumed that OP is a hard working man doing too much and the ex is a woman.

OP’s ex, who didn’t treat OP right and refused to pull the weight, is a man
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Rive.
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 30, 2021 at 05:30 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by FridayT View Post
We're now divorced and I am no longer with him. Also, we never share the bed together ever since we met because I'm a snorer and he tosses around in bed anyway.
I am glad you are done and hopefully can rebuild your life
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
FridayT
Member
FridayT has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 55
8 yr Member
37 hugs
given
Default Nov 30, 2021 at 10:49 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Funny how you automatically assumed that OP is a hard working man doing too much and the ex is a woman.

OP’s ex, who didn’t treat OP right and refused to pull the weight, is a man
We're both men. I am the only one who worked, I was the caretaker, provider! I was the one who does the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking, the laundry and more while he never worked, doesn't do anything in the apartment except complain over every tiny little thing and ordered me around. I had to take time off work to care for him for weeks which ended up losing income for the rent and food. I had to ask my parents for help. I didn't like asking them to help because I felt like a lousy son who was begging for help even though I hadn't asked for help for 7 years. My ex husband tried to brain me with a weapon and had called me the worst provider when I told him I have no money for food or rent.
FridayT is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 30, 2021 at 06:27 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by FridayT View Post
We're both men. I am the only one who worked, I was the caretaker, provider! I was the one who does the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking, the laundry and more while he never worked, doesn't do anything in the apartment except complain over every tiny little thing and ordered me around. I had to take time off work to care for him for weeks which ended up losing income for the rent and food. I had to ask my parents for help. I didn't like asking them to help because I felt like a lousy son who was begging for help even though I hadn't asked for help for 7 years. My ex husband tried to brain me with a weapon and had called me the worst provider when I told him I have no money for food or rent.
I knew you are both guys. I just thought it was funny how it’s automatically assumed that a hard working one is a man and a lazy one is a woman.

I am so glad you are done with this terrible person
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,298 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 13, 2021 at 09:38 AM
  #10
I'm glad you're done with this person.

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:39 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.