How can I maintain my independence while living at home?

LiteraryLark · Sep 27, 2021 at 05:20 PM

Hello everyone,

I had moved out for two months and had my taste of freedom, but due to unforunate circumstances I am back at home with Mom and Dad. The housing market is at an all time low where I live, and it's near impossible to find any place to live or find a place that is affordable. I've had my hopes up a couple times in the past two weeks on possible places, but I've had no luck.

So now my parents say, settle into your new job, save up money, and don't drive yourself nuts trying to find a place right away.

But I don't want to live here. I was finally starting to have a healthy relationship with my parents while living on my own, and now I'm back to being viewed a dependent child. They were starting to see me as a true adult while living on my own, now it's back to making decisions for me and treating me like a child.

So how do I stay independent while living at home and be viewed as an adult?

lizardlady · Sep 27, 2021 at 05:29 PM

Oh Lark, I wondered if you would end up back at your parents' when you posted about the fire.

Could you have a conversation with your parents about how you are feeling?

LiteraryLark · Sep 27, 2021 at 05:59 PM

It doesnt hurt to ask how they would like to see me live independently because whatever their suggestion is would lessen their anxiety and will make them happy about me living with them. And I do like to help out. I am taking their dog on more walks for my own stress levels which helps everyone including the dog. The dog has been a champion of comfort since the fire. I could do productive chores like doing grocery shopping for the family. But idk, before I moved I stayed out of the house from dawn to dusk and I can't do that anymore. That's unhealthy for me.

Bill3 · Sep 27, 2021 at 10:22 PM

I am with lizardlady. Maybe there is room for starting a conversation? Along the lines of "When I was living elsewhere I noticed that you were treating me as a true adult while living on my own, and I was making my own decisions and I felt good about that. Even though I am living here again, I still want to be making my own decisions as much as possible."

ArtleyWilkins · Sep 29, 2021 at 12:14 PM

Insist on paying rent of some sort, paying for your own groceries, taking care of your own laundry/cleaning, etc. I know that is what my adult kids have done when living with me, and it seemed to keep that boundary as well as helped them see themselves as a bit more equal.

lizardlady · Sep 29, 2021 at 05:29 PM

Excellent suggestions Artley!

LiteraryLark · Sep 30, 2021 at 12:00 PM

Yesterday was a very successful independent day, and Mom and Dad are very proud of me.

I did a thorough cleaning of my room. While they went out of the house to relax I did laundry, did the dishes, take the dog for a walk, and got food from the food pantry. Then when they came home, I offered to make dinner. I made the meal all by myself, Mom never jumped in to help as she usually does. Dinner turned out fantastic, and I made a salad and set the table too. I washed almost all the dishes and cleaned the counters. Mom was so happy and proud and relieved that someone else cooked for a change, and we decided that tonight I'll make taco salad...that should be easy enough, and I'll be going to the grocery store to pick up what I need.

Mom says the biggest thing I can help her with is keeping my room and bathroom clean, and to only tell her the highlights of my day AKA not every little thing that happened that day. But she says extra things will help her too like walking the dog and cooking meals and doing extra cleaning and grocery shopping.

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lizardlady Legendary Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Mid World Posts: 17,488 (SuperPoster!) 21 7,514 hugs given	Sep 27, 2021 at 05:29 PM #2 Oh Lark, I wondered if you would end up back at your parents' when you posted about the fire. Could you have a conversation with your parents about how you are feeling?
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Sep 27, 2021 at 10:22 PM #4 I am with lizardlady. Maybe there is room for starting a conversation? Along the lines of "When I was living elsewhere I noticed that you were treating me as a true adult while living on my own, and I was making my own decisions and I felt good about that. Even though I am living here again, I still want to be making my own decisions as much as possible."
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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	Sep 29, 2021 at 12:14 PM #5 Insist on paying rent of some sort, paying for your own groceries, taking care of your own laundry/cleaning, etc. I know that is what my adult kids have done when living with me, and it seemed to keep that boundary as well as helped them see themselves as a bit more equal.
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lizardlady Legendary Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Mid World Posts: 17,488 (SuperPoster!) 21 7,514 hugs given	Sep 29, 2021 at 05:29 PM #6 Excellent suggestions Artley!
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