Need help with disrespectful brother not respecting me.

Hi all,

I just need some advice on how to deal with a disrespectful family member.

I was in a 14 year relationship and have a son from this relationship we broke up 7 years ago and he lives in a different country with his mother,

I fell on hard times and had no choice but to go back to my mother's home my bother try to get me kicked out of the house I went mad when I heard this and told him to stay away from me and my son but he continues to disrespect me and my boundaries and wishes and stays in contact with my ex who has my son.

Also I found out from my other brother he has been back stabbing me and my other brother to a relative of ours and this with trying to get me kicked out of the house and trying to see my son behind my back is driving me mad I asked my ex to not let my brother and his wife see my son and she said that she does not have any problem with them.

So my question is would any of you have any advice on how to deal with this blatant disrespect and disrespecting my boundary after I told him to stay away from me and my son my son is 11.

Thanks for any advice you might have in dealing with this.

I am so very, very sorry this is happening to you and your son. I wish I knew what to say to help but I can't think of anything. Hopefully others here will see your post and respond to it with really helpful ideas. There are books written for adults on how to deal with toxic people, including relatives. But it is whole other thing when there is verbal abuse of an 11 year old. What a heartbreaking situation. I hope someone here can help you and am so sorry I don't have any good ideas!

It sounds like this falls in the realm of things you cannot change (other people). Sounds like your ex has full custody of your son. As the person with custody, she can choose who can see him. Also with her being in another country, I'm not sure what the legal situation is. But I don't think there is a legal way to keep your brother from seeing your son.

There is also know way to get your brother to stop talking about you. If you live with your parents, you can have a talk with them about boundaries. They might agree not to let your brother visit; then again they might not.

In situations like this, I remember the serenity prayer: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." The one thing you can change about it is your reaction. Maybe your brother likes getting you angry. If you can hide your anger and even act like you don't care, he may leave you alone. I know my brother loves a fight and gets frustrated when I refuse to fight.