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Old 10-13-2021, 09:31 PM   #1
WovenGalaxy
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I'm taking a class about my local government. I inadvertently found out tonight that the girlfriend of my supervisor where I volunteer, she's in this class too. I had a really nice convo w her at the beginning of class today. Then it clicked. Its his gf. The thing is, he hasn't even told me that he has a gf let alone that she is in the class. And this is relevant bc I've talked to him about being in this class. He's even asked me how the class is going. Not once has he mentioned her.

He does have a gf, btw. Its an irrelevant question how I know. But I pay attention, is all. I know her name, I have heard other ppl mention her and I've heard him mention his gf.

I am wondering if he is maybe just really private. But I take this personally. We've had some good convos over the years. But its entirely possible that he doesn't want to let me in. That hurts. A lot. But that's life I guess.

I just think its odd and strange of him to ask me about the class w/o bringing her up. That gets into the realm of lying. I wonder why he behaves like that?

To be honest, I'd sort of put him on a pedestal, but he's behaved in hurtful ways before too. Minor things. Oblivious / insensitive things. But yeah.

I thought I might have feelings for him. I probably do. God knows why. But a couple months ago, he invited me to look at his apt he's renting. I was considering renting it. In the end, I decided its not a good idea to rent from someone I may have feelings for. But I've never ever told him my feelings. I never would. When I turned him down for his apt, I was a bit blunt in text. I've never been able to get myself to address it / apologize.

Anyway, I don't know why he's so private. It hurts. But maybe I should also not focus on him. I wish we were friends, but we aren't.

I can't change or control other people. I can only control what I do. I really would like to...evict him from my head. Not stop by his office anymore when I volunteer. Volunteer for the org, not him. And get a life. Nurture the friendships I do have. Keep going to classes that interest me.

****, I do have a life. Its valid that I'm hurt by this.
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Old 10-14-2021, 05:53 AM   #2
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Default Re: Why?

Hello WovenGalaxy

I'm a very private person.
There is really no one that knows what is going on in my life.
I don't have any close friends.

I don't know you, and I don't know him.
But just from what you have posted, I'd say you have much stronger feelings for this guy than you are willing to admit to yourself.
I'd suggest you focus on you, rather than what he is thinking.
Figure out what you really want from him, then just bluntly tell him.
That's really the only way you will figure out what the future holds.

Just my two cents for what it is worth.

BOM
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Old 10-14-2021, 08:18 AM   #3
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I can appreciate your response BOM. Thank you for reflecting back, too. Honestly, what I want is to volunteer there and not focus on him anymore. I am not going to confront him to bluntly tell him this or anything probably. I did think we were more friendly than him not telling me about knowing someone very close to him in the class, but if it is privacy related I respect that and I think this is a wake up call that there is a definite imbalance of feelings, even just in a friendship sort of way. We can respect each other, but we have no friendship. thanks again for responding.
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Old 10-14-2021, 11:26 AM   #4
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Default Re: Why?

Is there an intention to lead you or others in a certain direction or maybe he is just a private person? People in a leadership role often have to have certain boundaries with others, and that might be it. But since I don't know him, it's really hard to say.

But I empathize with how emotionally painful it is to have feelings for someone who is taken. I have been through something similar in the past. I can't tell you what the best thing for you is, I think deep down we know what is best for ourselves. Just know I'm sending you good vibes.
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Old 10-14-2021, 01:48 PM   #5
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I agree!! And good vibes from me too!!
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Old 10-14-2021, 02:57 PM   #6
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Thank you for the support/ responses cinnamonsun and breaking Dawn. Here's some good vibes back to you both.

Update: I'm good and feel resolved about this. It helped to write it out myself and thank you for confirming, validating my own thoughts, it helped.
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Old 10-15-2021, 07:05 PM   #7
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Default Re: Why?

Sometimes I actually don't correlate things like that until something brings my thinking together like if you said sometime when he is asking about your class that "is that your gf taking that class too?" I just don't think about stuff like that unless there is a REAL reason to. Maybe it is more that than just being private?
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Old 10-15-2021, 09:02 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Sometimes I actually don't correlate things like that until something brings my thinking together like if you said sometime when he is asking about your class that "is that your gf taking that class too?" I just don't think about stuff like that unless there is a REAL reason to. Maybe it is more that than just being private?

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.
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Old 10-16-2021, 02:59 AM   #9
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Default Re: Why?

What I am saying is that he knows his GF is taking a class & he knows you are taking a class but maybe he doesn't correlate that it is actually the same class at the same time. Some people don't pay attention to those kind of details. I don't until something brings me to that realization
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Old 10-16-2021, 05:57 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
What I am saying is that he knows his GF is taking a class & he knows you are taking a class but maybe he doesn't correlate that it is actually the same class at the same time. Some people don't pay attention to those kind of details. I don't until something brings me to that realization
Thanks for clarifying.
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