First "Fight" - Together for 16 months

As the title indicates, I've been with my BF for 16 months, and it's been a peaceful, reliable relationship. We get along well... no drama. I can count on one hand how many disagreements we've had since we've been together.

I accepted a new job in March and it's taken up quite a bit of my time. It's challenged our relationship to the point where I expressed our need to reconnect. With the pandemic, we haven't really been able to go out, but I suggested just going to a nice hotel room and staying in for a weekend... just to spend quality time together (which happens to be my love language). He agreed, but his work schedule gets in the way, and we haven't been able to make it happen.

Ok... the "fight"... if I can even call it that. We try to squeeze in seeing each other on the weekends, but occupying the same room while he watches football and I'm on my laptop doesn't constitute spending time together... (for me)

We both have dogs, and our normal routine is to bring our dogs with us to each others places so we can do overnights. He showed up at my door today without the dog (who is quite young to be left alone for long periods of time, and he's never left the dog alone at night). This raised a flag for me...

I asked where the dog was, and he said he didn't feel like walking him up and down my apartment stairs. I didn't raise my voice or anything. I just stated "That's different". It bothered me but I'm a processor, so I just got quiet...

He proceeds to say, "Are you going to have an Attitude about this," and I replied, "No, but it feels like your visit was just something you checked off your wwekend to do list. It's clear that you weren't planning on staying long. I'm disappointed..."

Not sure which nerve I hit, but he curtly asked me "Why are you trying to make this hard?" When I replied that I wasn't trying to be "pissy" and started to say "Now is not a good time..
" (I was going to finish by saying to talk about this)... He gets up, states he doesn't have to take this, and walks out!!!

What just happened? I'm so confused. I didn't chase him... not calling or texting... but huh? I guess he needs to "cool off", but our conversation wasn't heated.

Is this a control tactic? What does this mean?

I am not sure about the fight, maybe you could ask if he wasn’t planning on staying long.

But the whole thing seems a bit off. Regardless of pandemics not going anywhere together for 16 months is unusual. Plenty of things are open. Even if you live in the area/country where everything is locked up, you could do outdoors activities/outdoors venues etc I find it curious that you two don’t do that.

Just going to each other house might be ok, but not if he just watches football and you do your own thing. If a man just wants to come to my house to watch football, he could stay in his own house. He can’t go anywhere with you but he manages to come over. I’ve met guys like this sadly. Is he coming over to just have sex? It doesn’t sound like he comes over to do anything else. Have meaningful conversations with you? Play board games? Cook together? Put puzzles together? Go for walks in the neighborhood?

Did he ever express how he sees this relationship progressing? Are you two in love?

It means the person you're dating is really strange or immature or socially awkward.

I think it shows a lot of anger- about what I don’t know. Seems very inappropriate for the situation and context - like misplaced anger. Maybe you two really do need to get out more. Covid has been rough.

I think you should talk to him. Tell him how you've been feeling. See what he has to say too.

This does not sound like a healthy relationship for either of you. I would ask yourself why you allow someone like him to gaslight you and verbally abuse you. What are the positives about this rocky relationship that keep you hooked to it?

He seems to be the one with "the attitude" if he can't answer a simple question without getting so defensive and storming off.

His, frankly immature, behaviour raises red flags for me.