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cinnamonsun
learning as a student again.
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: NY
Posts: 236
144 hugs
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#1
I got active on Facebook again, this is the first time since 2018 that I've been fairly active on there...and like...I don't know why, but a lot of people are sending me friend requests and want to talk to me. And I'm here, being the introvert I am like...yikes, why are so many people wanting to talk to me and be on my friend's list?
I'm assuming this is normal on social media, I'm just...not used to it. But it's a little overwhelming and intimidating. Firstly, I'm still scared and nervous to socialize after the cyberbullying and experiences I had on a different website. I can't help but question what their intentions are for wanting to talk to me. What's their angle? What do they want? Am I being paranoid? I've been the victim of Narcissistic abuse and bullying, so I'm apprehensive to talk to strangers. I understand not everyone has bad intentions, I just...went through a lot of bad things with people who were deceptive and had bad intentions for me, and I didn't know until it was too late. I want to be safe and protect myself, but I also want to make new friends. It's just...it makes me anxious. Any advice on this? How do I know if someone is legit, or if they're...I don't know. Catfishing I think it's called or has an agenda? |
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RoxanneToto
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Member
Broken Old Man
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Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: Colorado
Posts: 68
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#2
Cant help you cinnamonsun,
I HATE social media...refuse to take part in it. I'd say if you accept friend requests, just go slow, validate what you are told, take things one day at a time. BOM |
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Member
cinnamonsun
learning as a student again.
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: NY
Posts: 236
144 hugs
given |
#3
Quote:
That sounds like a good idea. I don't know if it's seen as rude on there or not, but I don't want to respond to private messages until I see what their posts and content are for a week or more. Then I can gauge whether they are someone I might want to have a friendship with. After the things I've been through and what I've lost because of "friends" I made online, I am very cautious. |
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RoxanneToto
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Broken Old Man
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Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: Colorado
Posts: 68
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#4
I hear ya,
I'm definitely an introvert. Its not that I don't like people, just not a social person. For me, too much garbage on social media, but that is just me. Caution is the key....lots of scammers out there. Just be cautious and you should be ok. BOM |
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Member
cinnamonsun
learning as a student again.
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: NY
Posts: 236
144 hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
At some point, I want to promote my art and writing in a professional manner so I suppose social networking is important. It's just uncomfortable. Thank you so much for the advice and support! You are always so awesome. |
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lizardlady
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto
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Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#6
Cinnamonsun, I think it’s more important to maintain healthy boundaries than appease or accommodate others by accepting friend requests that you’re not entirely comfortable with. If they’re not ok with that, they’re not the right person for you, end of.
I recently went back on Facebook, too, not to find new friends but I did get one request, which I rejected as I didn’t know him, and like you, I questioned his motives - like why he would reach out to a random woman (me) who hasn’t even uploaded a photo of themselves. |
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Molinit
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Member
cinnamonsun
learning as a student again.
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: NY
Posts: 236
144 hugs
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#7
I'm actually trying to figure out how you turn off the Facebook messenger while still keeping facebook and apparently it's not easy. If I could eliminate the possibility of people messaging me I'd feel better. Some of them are trying to sell me things and I'm not interested. I just want to turn this app off. I'm not having any luck, because I am following the steps in google but for some weird reason by Facebook doesn't have the same prompts as what is listed. I'm very confused.
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Veteran Member
poshgirl
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Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Birmingham UK
Posts: 603
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#8
Hi cinnamonsun
You are already recognising the need to set boundaries on social media, which is good. Too many people just think "oh great, all these people want to be friends with me". No, they don't! There are exceptions who are genuine. I'm on a few hobby-related sites (not art) and here's an example. One site I write a weekly blog, never had a problem with any of the members, except two who at the start were being a bit chauvinistic (all sorted quickly, lol). The other is different. Same hobby but don't like it so use as info source. Members openly criticising each other. One even direct messaged me on one subject in an attempt to get me on his side with his non-hobby related views. Not heard anything more from him as replied I wasn't interested in politics, thoughts on Covid, etc. Hope my examples help you. I'll only become friends with people I know or pass my honesty test. Soon sorts out those who are genuine. Of course, one or two may slip through the net. Social media is very good most of the time, but when it goes wrong, consequences can be difficult to undo. Only you can control what you want to be part of. Good luck with sorting out your Facebook account. Unfortunately, I don't have enough experience to advise you. |
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RoxanneToto
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Magnate
ArtleyWilkins
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Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
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#9
Go into your privacy settings and lock them down so that you aren't visible to the general public. You can set the privacy settings to just friends or to friends of friends so that at least your posts have a more limited audience. Do not friend people you do not know.
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Member
cinnamonsun
learning as a student again.
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: NY
Posts: 236
144 hugs
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#10
This is good advice! I appreciate it. Thank you all.
I realized I don't have to answer messages. If it makes people upset, oh well? I'm not obligated to talk to anyone. I don't owe anyone anything. As Billy Joel said, "Don't talk to strangers, don't ask me why." But yes, I'm going to have boundaries. I was accepting everyone and anyone at first because I'm still learning how to do this, now I'm looking at profiles and seeing what their content is. I'm looking at the picture content too. If it's not something I vibe with I deny the request. I can tell who's trying to sell something and who's there for other reasons. I'm getting a lot of single men and I'm like...don't care how attractive, wealthy, or whatever you are...I'm not interested. Because I'm not on there for dating or relationships. I'm just looking for friends or interesting content, to help me evolve or learn, get me thinking in another direction. To share some of my art and writing. It's so interesting to me that these men think calling you attractive or beautiful or whatever would mean anything. I went through two months of being love-bombed and excessively complimented to the point it makes me feel sick, so when people compliment my appearance...it has no meaning to me. I think I'm very attractive. I don't need to hear it from someone else, and that is not the way to get on my good side. Speaking of communication...do you know what is awesome? People recognizing your personality, soul, artwork, writing, poetry, or general creativity, your intelligence. Your achievements. Something you've overcome. The body and face is just a vessel, it's not the whole person or even the deepest parts of a person. |
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Junior Member
tnthomas
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Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: calif
Posts: 15
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#11
Quote:
Facebook is great for keeping in touch with family and friends. Definition of "Friends": Someone you actually know and like in Real Life. Facebook online friends? Not for me. |
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ArtleyWilkins, cinnamonsun
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Member
cinnamonsun
learning as a student again.
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: NY
Posts: 236
144 hugs
given |
#12
I changed my settings and stuff. But. I don't know, this is turning into a bad experience so maybe I'll just ditch FB again.
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