Infidelity

Msb4023 · Oct 27, 2021 at 01:49 AM

Hello
I am 52 yrs old I am married and I have three sons, I have been with my wife for thirty years, the last 20 married. I noticed her behaviour changed over the last year and then I caught her having an affair last week.
I am in turmoil, she says it is just grief after the loss of her father to covid last year. It’s only a week but I know it will all boil down to me being able to live with her infidelity.

lizardlady · Oct 27, 2021 at 02:05 PM

Grief over her father's death leading to infidelity sounds like hogwash to me.

divine1966 · Oct 27, 2021 at 08:28 PM

Nah, just one of those excuses people use to justify infidelity. “She made him feel masculine that’s why he slept with her, he made her feel loved that’s why she cheated, he has ADD, she was just drunk etc” cheating is cheating. It’s up to you of course if you want to stick around.

She likely has been cheating for awhile so I’d see a doctor and check for STDs

Herpes, STD and especially HIV is a high price to pay for a little bit of fun

Have Hope · Oct 30, 2021 at 10:03 AM

What makes you feel like you're going to "live with" her infidelity? It's not something you are required to live with OR accept. Your post comes across as defeatist, as though you feel you have no option but to accept it and live with it.

And it does sound like a BS what she says about the affair. She should have been turning to you for comfort through the loss of her father, not another man. And to carry on a whole affair? It's deceptive and sneaky behavior. How could you trust her again? It's possible to forgive and move on, but her reasons for turning to another man in her grief I think point to issues in the marriage that you're potentially ignoring or avoiding dealing with.

If there are issues in the marriage that you're not confronting, it's likely that she will continue the affair or just do it again. I would face whatever is going on straight on. Perhaps get into couples counseling, if you're convinced you want to salvage the marriage.

Open Eyes · Oct 30, 2021 at 12:09 PM

The only thing you have to accept is that your wife is completely selfish. This has no bearing on your true worth and that you deserve honesty and respect.

Themadcatparade · Nov 01, 2021 at 05:07 AM

I’m so sorry this happened, you really do deserve better. As endearing as it is that you want to stick with your wife YOU deserve better than this. There is no excuse for cheating. If you get to that point you leave. You don’t cheat.

Thumbelina50 · Nov 04, 2021 at 08:47 PM

You are right. It does kind of boil down to if you can live with it or not. Sometimes no matter how badly you want your marriage to stay intact if you as a couple both decide that but do nothing to confront whatever the underlying issues are you will not be able to live with the constant doubt and suspicions. It is hard work to overcome and both partners have to give 110,%. But it can be done and it can be worth it

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lizardlady Legendary Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Mid World Posts: 17,489 (SuperPoster!) 21 7,515 hugs given	Oct 27, 2021 at 02:05 PM #2 Grief over her father's death leading to infidelity sounds like hogwash to me.
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Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,116 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Oct 30, 2021 at 12:09 PM #5 The only thing you have to accept is that your wife is completely selfish. This has no bearing on your true worth and that you deserve honesty and respect.
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Themadcatparade New Member Member Since Jan 2021 Location: West Yorkshire, uK Posts: 8 3 3 hugs given	Nov 01, 2021 at 05:07 AM #6 I’m so sorry this happened, you really do deserve better. As endearing as it is that you want to stick with your wife YOU deserve better than this. There is no excuse for cheating. If you get to that point you leave. You don’t cheat.
	Reply With Quote