[Have Hope]

We've been back together for the last 7 months since our separation last winter. He's been in regular individual therapy and periodically, we attend couples therapy together. I think we've been to about 4 couples therapy sessions so far, and they've been helpful.

We're moving back in together in Jan/Feb of this next year. We will have lived apart for a year, though he's been living with me full time for the last 5 of 7 months.

He is a changed man in all ways. He is the sweet, giving, thoughtful, generous, kind, loving and supportive partner and husband I always wanted in him. His angry episodes are gone. Gone are the abusive behaviors. He is also not even spoiled anymore. I think I've rubbed off on him by teaching him to budget better.

I am only just slightly nervous about moving back in, and only because I am praying that his changed behavior is permanent. It's merely a fear in the back of my mind that he would revert back to his old behaviors. There's no basis for this fear, as there is no indication whatsoever that he would backslide.

Even in the heat of the moment when we do disagree, he remains calm and respectful.

I am simply amazed by this 180 degree turnaround, and I also am in disbelief. It is rare indeed that an abuser can change, but this has been the case with my husband.

I still will encourage other women to leave an abusive partner if there is no hope for changes and/or therapy. I almost did...well, I DID leave him and I kicked him out. We were on the brink of a divorce - I had a lawyer, he had a lawyer and I was getting ready to complete the financial paperwork.

Funny how all it took was us each going to a concert by ourselves, finding each other at the concert and him flirting with me before I knew we needed to be together. It wasn't only the concert... it was months of fighting things through, with him consistently saying the same loving things to me. And it was after my hospitalization when he had stayed by my side, supporting me and helping me through a most difficult and scary time. At the concert, he blew me a kiss and smiled widely at me, and I knew I couldn't be apart from him.

I still have twinges of doubt and fear that creep up.... and of course, some of the mistrust persists, but I have forgiven him and we have for the most part moved past all the troubled spots.

Abusers generally do not change. So I am very lucky, and I pray that his good behavior continues.

Is this a miracle story?

[Bill3]

So happy to hear! I wish you all the best together with him!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Bill3

So happy to hear! I wish you all the best together with him!

Thank you @Bill3!

[Rive.]

He is a very lucky man that you are giving him yet another chance.

I would still advise you to be cautious and to not tolerate any abuse *if* he were to revert back to his old ways. But I hope you can be happy together.

[divine1966]

Sounds good! I hope he made some other chances besides treating you nicely. I was in a relationship with someone very nice but he was an addict so no matter what he’d revere to old ways. I hope your husband addresses some other issues besides just being nice. Sometimes being nice isn’t enough. I hope he is taking care of his other issues in a serious manner through therapy and other productive manners. Good luck!

[Have Hope]

Thanks everyone!

I am fine with all else and don't have any issues with him other than his prior anger. He has been talking in therapy and will continue to work on things there.

Otherwise, we are happy..... and I am happier with him now. I am definitely still a bit cautious about him moving back in, but I will pull the plug again and permanently if he chooses to revert back to old behaviors. It will be sad, yes, and heartbreaking, but I will know it's over for good in that case.

[RoxanneToto]

Good luck, Have Hope! I hope things work out for you both, but if it goes wrong, you will at least be able to say you did everything you could to make it work.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

Good luck, Have Hope! I hope things work out for you both, but if it goes wrong, you will at least be able to say you did everything you could to make it work.

SO true, and thanks!!

[RDMercer]

I'm happy for you Hope.

Hopefully this will continue to progress.

I'm sorry to be a downer with this, but protect yourself a little too. It's OK to make him work for you some.

I never understood until I was in my 40's that boundaries can increase our worth. It's kind of like economic supply and demand.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by RDMercer

I'm happy for you Hope.

Hopefully this will continue to progress.

I'm sorry to be a downer with this, but protect yourself a little too. It's OK to make him work for you some.

I never understood until I was in my 40's that boundaries can increase our worth. It's kind of like economic supply and demand.

Thank you! To reassure you, he has had to wait months to move back in, so I've made him wait and work for it. He hoped to move back in last Sept, and now it's not until I have been ready, which is Jan/Feb.

[Have Hope]

In the past, we’ve fought on New Year’s Eve. Last night we had a wonderful celebration just the two of us with smooth sailing between us. We had so much fun!! It is sooo refreshing and such a beautiful change in him.