[StephenT]

I want to find the strength to have a relationship with a family member who has been treated badly.

They can't help but ignore their own feelings and pass it on in the form of setting unreasonable expectations on others they care about. I say unreasonable because they miss important steps, as if they were never loved as they should and they don't understand how to love. Instead they replace it with trying twice as hard, which becomes forceful, and spiteful. They almost seem to sabotage their own relationships.

I've been hurt but keep coming back. I have to adjust my expectations.... but I run the risk of falling apart when I open up to them.

Therefore I need to be patient, but they never taught me to be patient, quite the opposite.

[Rive.]

Patience isn't taught. Patience is something one needs to cultivate for themselves. This is taking ownership of what we can control; not putting the responsibility on external causes.

[AzulOscuro]

I don’t understand very well who you are referring to. You want to help, to be a support for a relative who has been treat badly? who doesn’t feel understood?
Or you are talking about yourself?

Can you specify this point for me?

[eskielover]

Sounds like you both struggle with your own dysfunctions. That makes it even harder to have even a somewhat functioning relationship. Maybe better to just get together when it happens & accept what is without trying to make it a relationship. Not their fault doesn't change dysfunctional behaviors that can only change with a desire to change & a lot of hard work.

[sarahsweets]

I disagree. I have been hurt and traumatized and I do not treat others poorly because of this.