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Default Nov 15, 2021 at 11:04 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by poshgirl View Post
Yes, it's still ongoing. When my mother launched another of her verbal attacks on me earlier this year, I told her it was unacceptable. Have distanced myself since then, although my aunt has played the guilt card, saying I shouldn't not contact my mother. Really, does no one (family) understand what is going on?!

I know I'm trying to pre-empt an invitation but have thought about my response more. Apart from a straight no thank you, perhaps I should call their bluff and respond "I'm accepting for (insert niece's name) sake only". That makes her the centre of attention, not my manipulating brother/sister in law/mother. Planning trip to well-known quality food retailer, put stuff in freezer so I can "do my own thing". Feels so liberating
Yeah makes sense, it can be tough. Making it known who you're going for may help just so they know where they stand, just because it's family doesn't mean you should feel obligated to be around them.
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Default Nov 28, 2021 at 08:18 AM
  #22
Think there's mind games going on. No one has mentioned Christmas, but...

Today is family "get together" because sister-in-law's mother is 80. Have I been invited, no! So again the hypocrites are in control, or so they think. Would be interesting to hear the bull**** about why I'm not there. My brother's had to do at 10+ mile round trip to pick up mother, so his drinking will be severely curtailed.

Disappointed, yes (slightly) but it's making decision about Christmas a lot easier if/when I have to make it.

Have an opera CD on at the moment, don't care if it's loud. Caught up with social media, looking forward to long soak in bath later, light some candles. At times, love my own company....
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Default Nov 28, 2021 at 11:11 AM
  #23
We have no plans for Christmas. Just playing it by ear. Really I’d be happy if we could just stay home, mum and I. Not go anywhere. I think mum’s nephew will probably want everyone to come there. I’d really rather not. Let people stop by here for an hour or two. But not for lunch or dinner.

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rdgrad15
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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 08:03 AM
  #24
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Originally Posted by poshgirl View Post
Think there's mind games going on. No one has mentioned Christmas, but...

Today is family "get together" because sister-in-law's mother is 80. Have I been invited, no! So again the hypocrites are in control, or so they think. Would be interesting to hear the bull**** about why I'm not there. My brother's had to do at 10+ mile round trip to pick up mother, so his drinking will be severely curtailed.

Disappointed, yes (slightly) but it's making decision about Christmas a lot easier if/when I have to make it.

Have an opera CD on at the moment, don't care if it's loud. Caught up with social media, looking forward to long soak in bath later, light some candles. At times, love my own company....
I'm sorry about the crap you have to deal with. Families can be the worst and the most hypocritical. In a lot of cases having solitude is the best thing. No drama or anything.
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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 08:05 AM
  #25
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We have no plans for Christmas. Just playing it by ear. Really I’d be happy if we could just stay home, mum and I. Not go anywhere. I think mum’s nephew will probably want everyone to come there. I’d really rather not. Let people stop by here for an hour or two. But not for lunch or dinner.
I agree and I don't like traveling either. I prefer people to come over for short periods of time if we have to have family.
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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 08:16 AM
  #26
I look forward to this year's get-together. Thank you!

Everybody, I hope you're doing okay. I'm sad when I hear that others are sad and struggling, too.
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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 11:05 AM
  #27
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I look forward to this year's get-together. Thank you!

Everybody, I hope you're doing okay. I'm sad when I hear that others are sad and struggling, too.
Glad you’re looking forward to it!
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Default Nov 29, 2021 at 11:40 PM
  #28
No plans for Christmas myself. I've forgotten what Christmas is like, being with others. It's been so long since I had any kind of Christmas. I think that this Christmas will not be too bad. Because it falls on a Saturday and that's the day of the week that I commit myself to cleaning. So I should be cleaning, therefore, it won't feel like Christmas.

Funny how both Thanksgiving and Christmas are on the 25th of each month this year.
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Default Nov 30, 2021 at 10:41 AM
  #29
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No plans for Christmas myself. I've forgotten what Christmas is like, being with others. It's been so long since I had any kind of Christmas. I think that this Christmas will not be too bad. Because it falls on a Saturday and that's the day of the week that I commit myself to cleaning. So I should be cleaning, therefore, it won't feel like Christmas.

Funny how both Thanksgiving and Christmas are on the 25th of each month this year.
Yeah makes sense and I don’t even realize that both holidays are exactly one month apart this year.
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Default Dec 13, 2021 at 11:34 AM
  #30
Well, the hypothetical dilemma didn't materialise because a decision has been made.

My mother has chosen to go to my brother's house on Christmas Day. He will bring her home that evening because she can't climb their stairs and won't sleep in the leather recliner chair in the lounge. His drinking will have to be curtailed.

So, what's been the reaction to this? Think I've handled it well by not reacting. Of course, then had all the drama about wishing we could all be together and when will the rift be healed. Again, I was the focus of her vitriol because I still wasn't acknowledging her feelings. Everything was then raked up about how hurt she was that I could walk away from her. She will not accept that her attitude is what's causing the ongoing problem between us. Doesn't understand why I've suddenly started visiting again.

What's really annoyed her is that my aunt is trying to act as peacemaker. She had suggested that mother phone me to find out if I'm okay. The answer was "I'm not phoning her". Again, exactly how her mother behaved when something didn't suit her. I said that my aunt had repeated this to me, so now my mother believes she's the subject of "tittle tattle". I've said no, because it's all true. Finally, she again accused me of sneering and smirking at her (a throwback to her childhood). This always comes out when she's not "winning" the argument. Whatever I said was talked over or pretence she didn't understand. A closed mind.

When I said I was not listening to any more, she said if you walk out then you're out of my life. Will be interesting what happens after she tells my brother this evening. Yes, I did walk out because I would have still been there now, going over and over the issue, how I've done her wrong.

The decision is made. I'm home alone on Christmas Day and it suits me. Still need to get some more food and a decent bottle of wine. Would rather do this than sit with a bunch of hypocrites (niece excepted).
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Default Dec 13, 2021 at 12:41 PM
  #31
My sister called last night. They are driving out to go down south and wanted a Christmas turkey dinner with us before they go. So I ordered a meal for 4. It’s just a matter of picking it up and putting it in the oven. I bought really nice disposable plates and silver wear before covid so we can use those. With them it will be laid back and easy going. So it’s not too big a deal.

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Default Dec 13, 2021 at 08:03 PM
  #32
I'm home alone as usual. My eyes are blurring and sensitive to the computer light, so that is why I'm not on here as frequently. It's harder for me to read online, even with the use of the larger monitor.

I plan on mailing out Christmas cards once I receive the remainder of stamps that are now delayed in shipping.

I also plan on giving the USPS, UPS, and FedEx drivers gifts once I receive all their gifts and the boxes in the mail.

I also plan on giving away 8 bottles of wine to two friends, in addition to giving them their gifts. I'm still waiting on some of their gifts to arrive in the mail.

I may decide to give every neighbor on my floor a cute, small gift bag with a matching jute-stringed tag, a Hershey's candy cane, and a bag of Pepperidge Farm holiday-themed cookies. I ordered a variety of cookies to share either as a set or individually, depending on whether or not I want to risk leaving gifts at the doors of 15 or so of my neighbors. I don't want them to think that I'm too social, but some of them already know that I remain isolated and masked whenever I open my door, and that no one comes into my home. I will gladly go outside to speak with people, but not in the hallways - esp. since most of them remain unmasked. Still, I want to keep the peace and Christmas spirit by sharing some small gifts. They can eat it, give it away, toss it, whatever. But at least they will know that I tried to reach out in a social-distancing sort of way by giving them a contactless gift from the heart.

I'll most likely come on here to get some support and give some as well.

I'll also sleep a lot after all the gift-giving has commenced.
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Default Dec 13, 2021 at 11:49 PM
  #33
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Originally Posted by poshgirl View Post
Well, the hypothetical dilemma didn't materialise because a decision has been made.

My mother has chosen to go to my brother's house on Christmas Day. He will bring her home that evening because she can't climb their stairs and won't sleep in the leather recliner chair in the lounge. His drinking will have to be curtailed.

So, what's been the reaction to this? Think I've handled it well by not reacting. Of course, then had all the drama about wishing we could all be together and when will the rift be healed. Again, I was the focus of her vitriol because I still wasn't acknowledging her feelings. Everything was then raked up about how hurt she was that I could walk away from her. She will not accept that her attitude is what's causing the ongoing problem between us. Doesn't understand why I've suddenly started visiting again.

What's really annoyed her is that my aunt is trying to act as peacemaker. She had suggested that mother phone me to find out if I'm okay. The answer was "I'm not phoning her". Again, exactly how her mother behaved when something didn't suit her. I said that my aunt had repeated this to me, so now my mother believes she's the subject of "tittle tattle". I've said no, because it's all true. Finally, she again accused me of sneering and smirking at her (a throwback to her childhood). This always comes out when she's not "winning" the argument. Whatever I said was talked over or pretence she didn't understand. A closed mind.

When I said I was not listening to any more, she said if you walk out then you're out of my life. Will be interesting what happens after she tells my brother this evening. Yes, I did walk out because I would have still been there now, going over and over the issue, how I've done her wrong.

The decision is made. I'm home alone on Christmas Day and it suits me. Still need to get some more food and a decent bottle of wine. Would rather do this than sit with a bunch of hypocrites (niece excepted).
Well it sounds like you made the right move by walking out. Sometimes the harshest and toughest decision is the best one. No point in being around a bunch of hypocrites. Glad you will have some peace and quiet and know that you won't have to put up with drama.
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Default Dec 13, 2021 at 11:50 PM
  #34
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
My sister called last night. They are driving out to go down south and wanted a Christmas turkey dinner with us before they go. So I ordered a meal for 4. It’s just a matter of picking it up and putting it in the oven. I bought really nice disposable plates and silver wear before covid so we can use those. With them it will be laid back and easy going. So it’s not too big a deal.
Oh that's nice, not bad at all.
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Default Dec 13, 2021 at 11:52 PM
  #35
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Originally Posted by SprinkL3 View Post
I'm home alone as usual. My eyes are blurring and sensitive to the computer light, so that is why I'm not on here as frequently. It's harder for me to read online, even with the use of the larger monitor.

I plan on mailing out Christmas cards once I receive the remainder of stamps that are now delayed in shipping.

I also plan on giving the USPS, UPS, and FedEx drivers gifts once I receive all their gifts and the boxes in the mail.

I also plan on giving away 8 bottles of wine to two friends, in addition to giving them their gifts. I'm still waiting on some of their gifts to arrive in the mail.

I may decide to give every neighbor on my floor a cute, small gift bag with a matching jute-stringed tag, a Hershey's candy cane, and a bag of Pepperidge Farm holiday-themed cookies. I ordered a variety of cookies to share either as a set or individually, depending on whether or not I want to risk leaving gifts at the doors of 15 or so of my neighbors. I don't want them to think that I'm too social, but some of them already know that I remain isolated and masked whenever I open my door, and that no one comes into my home. I will gladly go outside to speak with people, but not in the hallways - esp. since most of them remain unmasked. Still, I want to keep the peace and Christmas spirit by sharing some small gifts. They can eat it, give it away, toss it, whatever. But at least they will know that I tried to reach out in a social-distancing sort of way by giving them a contactless gift from the heart.

I'll most likely come on here to get some support and give some as well.

I'll also sleep a lot after all the gift-giving has commenced.
Oh that's not a bad idea, great way to put yourself out there and show that you're willing to interact with others.
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Default Dec 14, 2021 at 07:20 AM
  #36
Thanks to everyone for their comments, thanks/hugs.

The one thing I forgot to add is...

Whilst they're praising themselves for their decision to exclude me, they're the only people looking silly. Certainly not me!
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Default Dec 14, 2021 at 08:16 PM
  #37
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Originally Posted by poshgirl View Post
Thanks to everyone for their comments, thanks/hugs.

The one thing I forgot to add is...

Whilst they're praising themselves for their decision to exclude me, they're the only people looking silly. Certainly not me!
Yep they won’t accept responsibility.
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