Plans for the holidays this year

What are your plans for this holiday season? Are you going back to your normal traditions before the pandemic began or are you keeping things small and may even pull the pandemic card again in order to avoid large gatherings? Last year I knew a lot of people that pretended to be afraid of the virus to avoid large gatherings but then admitted at a later time that they just simply used it as an excuse to have a smaller gathering or just be alone altogether. I'm like this myself since I don't like large gatherings and forced interactions.

Last year allowed people to avoid doing things they really don't want to do and do stuff they'd rather do and potentially create new traditions. It has allowed people to step away from the rush of getting lots of gifts for others and forced interactions and only interact with those they truly want to be around. It creates less stress and less worry about having to host company and what you may need to buy for others. I hope to keep things small again this year since I prefer smaller gatherings and generally avoid forced interactions with nosey relatives.

I think this year will be much the same as any other year for me, and us as a family. We’ve never had huge family gatherings, I guess the most we’ve had round the table was maybe 8 people, but we prefer it that way. We never really had to use covid as an excuse lol, though I totally understand why some people would have and I’d have felt the same way otherwise.
I may or may not be working on Christmas Day. Either way I’ll be spending the afternoon, or day with family. The only new thing this year is that I’ll be going home afterwards to my own place but it probably won’t be decorated for Christmas lol.

Hi, I will spend the holiday time with my family. We never really had to use covid as an excuse lol, though I totally understand why some people would have and I’d have felt the same way otherwise.

That’s good you’ll be able to go back to normal traditions. That sucks you'll have to work on Christmas day. And I prefer to be at my house too after gatherings. Don’t like spending the night at other relative’s houses.

Oh nice.

Well it’s November and we’re not sure what’s going on for thanksgiving yet. Only two of the great-great grand kids are eligible for the shots. The rest are too young. And there’s one great grandchild and his family that has bought into the whole anti vaccine mythology so nobody else wants to be around them. I’m thinking it will be mum and I again. Just so tension doesn’t erupt.

Oh okay yeah I can totally see why you would do that to avoid tensions. And it’s a shame that he fell for the vaccine conspiracies. I can understand if someone is afraid of severe reactions. But I don’t get why people believe in wacky theories.

My Christmas last year was wild. I hosted a Christmas scavenger hunt with creative challenges in an online community I belonged to. Ended up getting a serious infection and spent 7 or 8 hours at the ER on Christmas Eve. I was sick and in pain. And we had a very small lackluster Christmas, which my parents didn't want to do. However, I made my Christmas Supernatural themed and had a blast with it myself. I bought Supernatural cards and sent them to friends as Christmas cards. lol Right before Christmas in 2019, I had to do radioactive treatment and I was very sick the entire holiday season. So I tried to really have a good one in 2020.

This year, I plan to make it wonderful for the exchange students we have. I came up with the idea for us all to pick out stockings, I will put them on the fireplace in my room and fill them. For them, at least. And I'd like to do some other gifts as well. I know they are limited with what they can take home with them, so I can't go overboard and get them a ton of things, but I will still get them gifts. I want to get a tea advent calendar. I did it last year and loved it. I plan to be merry and have fun. Spread joy, kindness and cheer.

Like usual, I'll be spending the holidays alone. There's nothing new there - regardless of the pandemic status.

Last year, however, I had my hopes up high because I thought that the pandemic would bring my family and I closer, that I'd be able to Zoom more or at least talk more with them, that I'd feel belonged and included. The opposite happened. There were natural political divisions, and some of my family members have become completely estranged from me. I have always stayed away from toxic family. So I felt even more lonely last year than I have in my entire life, because they didn't care if I lived or died, and they still don't. I do worry about my mother, but that is it.

Last year, I donated, but this year I can't afford to. It's unclear if the debt ceiling debates will affect those on disability. So I can't risk donating when I don't know if I'll have an income in January. So that's out of the question. Instead, I've paid off my Target card completely, in case I need to use it for essentials, should I not get a check. My landlord has already agreed not to charge me late fees if I don't get a check for a while, due to any government shutdowns - should they occur in the future. So, at least I'll only have to worry about negotiating with my utility companies, cell phone company, and internet service provider. Delaying these debates only makes the worry among our group increase, and it does not help when we have little disposable income to utilize for savings.

So this year I'm home alone for the holidays - yet again. I'm not going to raise my hopes up high for Zoom, as I've begged for 19 months for Zoom meetings, and no one has yet to do that with me. Not one family member, and definitely not my friends who don't have the abilities to do so. I'm limited. My new friends are too new for me to impose, and they have their own families.

Also, even if I were invited, we have crisis standards of care in our state, and there are too many antivaxxers and antimaskers in our state that keep the case counts relatively high for our relatively small state. The test positivity remains high as well. There's no way I'm exposing myself and any others I might have contact with indirectly and directly (such as at the VA for my appointments or with my neighbors in passing), so I remain socially isolated and socially distanced for superspreading events, such as common American holidays. So far, I've been fortunate to not have contracted community spread, but that's because I'm always masked and very restrictive when it comes to my boundaries for safety. I'm immunocompromised, so I cannot afford this. I also have a daughter (now an adult) to consider, so I don't want to die before we got a chance to reconnect (she was adopted, so I'm the birth mother).

I will most likely spend my holidays online, though I need to self-care by avoiding triggers that make me feel stigmatized, judged, ostracized, segregated, politically castrated, and more. I don't need those added stressors on top of the stressors I already face as a multiracial Asian American, as a disabled middled-aged veteran, as a person who adheres to vaccination rules and mask-wearing, as a person who has been repeatedly told by many people online and in this area to "stay the ---- home," which I've done, and as a person who has experienced multiple and continuous (present-day) traumas repeatedly across my 47-year lifespan for now. I believe I deserve some safety, some healthy connections, some like-minded people who can celebrate social distanced with me, and some people who struggle with me in terms of mobility issues, loneliness, and mental illnesses.

Oh wow well I’m glad you’re able to celebrate and I think it’s amazing that you’re finding creative ways to do so!

Aw I’m sorry you’re struggling and that your family cut you off. I will say the pandemic and political division has brought out the worst in others. I can understand your reasoning for wanting to stay home and not get sick. It’s a shame when people won’t check up on you and it really shows their true colors.

No plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'll be alone again as usual. Oh well!

There will probably be a few of us - including me - who are alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years, etc. I'm alone again, as usual, too. You're not alone in the alone struggle. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, and probably feels like one, too. But maybe we could join online here for the holidays. At least we could all be online together.

I'm sorry about that.

Yeah we can all feel lonely during the holidays. I think that's another reason a lot of people dislike it because it makes them feel lonely.

My problem is a hypothetical dilemma, at the moment.

Due to ongoing rift caused by my sister-in-law and her inability to apologise, I don't want to spend any time in her presence. Last year was easy because of Covid-related restrictions here in the UK.

This year's invite to their house will no doubt carry the same caveat as last year. "We're inviting you for Christmas lunch but it's not an apology". That's how my brother worded it. My mother could seen nothing wrong with this but then he's the golden child anyway.

Know I'm pre-empting an invite that may not come but the dilemma is, if I refuse I'm letting down my 16 year old niece (whom I'm close to). The other side of this is breaking my "life code" of not being a hypocrite just to satisfy their egos. Put simply, I don't want to sit at a table with two/three people who basically don't care as long as they look good in other people's eyes. Thought of spending time alone with my mother also fills me with dread. She won't stay overnight at my brother's as can't climb stairs.

Another instance of "damned if I do and damned if I don't"!

Quote:

Originally Posted by SprinkL3 There will probably be a few of us - including me - who are alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years, etc. I'm alone again, as usual, too. You're not alone in the alone struggle. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, and probably feels like one, too. But maybe we could join online here for the holidays. At least we could all be online together.

Sprinkl, the last several years we had a get together thread in the social forum. I plan to start one again this year.

Aw I’m sorry about your dilemma. I think you told me about her before. I wouldn’t want to spend time with people like that either. It would be energy draining.

Oh that’s awesome.

Yes, it's still ongoing. When my mother launched another of her verbal attacks on me earlier this year, I told her it was unacceptable. Have distanced myself since then, although my aunt has played the guilt card, saying I shouldn't not contact my mother. Really, does no one (family) understand what is going on?!

I know I'm trying to pre-empt an invitation but have thought about my response more. Apart from a straight no thank you, perhaps I should call their bluff and respond "I'm accepting for (insert niece's name) sake only". That makes her the centre of attention, not my manipulating brother/sister in law/mother. Planning trip to well-known quality food retailer, put stuff in freezer so I can "do my own thing". Feels so liberating