Just trying to process and decide best direction

How can you say you failed when he is the one flirting with other women? And yes, you are clearly taking your vows seriously - is he?

As for him making decisions with concern for you first, I find that hard to believe. If he were concerned about you he would not inspire mistrust.

Anyway, you keep justifying his 'good' behaviour so, unlike what you wrote in your very first post, it seems you *do* know what to do and which direction to take (i.e. stick with him, defend his behaviour). If for 5 years he was unable to inspire trust, it is unlikely that he would change but at the end of the day, it is your life and your decision.

I do know the damage it will do to me if he keeps doing the same thing and worse. But it will be my failure in that once again no matter how much I improve myself on the inside I cannot seem to pick a partner that is deserving of me. I know my value. I am extremely smart. I am passing pretty. I am very caring and extremely loyal. I do have faults but they are not the worst in the world. I've been through counseling I do counseling I am a survivor of previous abusive relationships. But apparently for some reason I cannot pick a man worth a damn

The best way to break a negative relationship pattern is to sit back and think about the warning signs of the behavior that was to come - were there any red flags that were dismissed along the way?

That is just it. I was completely blindsided by this. There were no red flags until we were into the 3rd year of our marriage

There had to have been something. I feeling? A gut reaction? Was he looking at other women frequently early on? Watching porn a lot? Liking or hearting other women's posts on Facebook who are good looking and attractive?

Well some people are good at pretending but typically pretending could only last few months. People aren’t able to pretend for three years. People always reveal who they are, you just have to pay attention.

You also have to look into if you are going for particular type of men. It’s a particular type of man who’d be telling a colleague that “her butt is to die for.” Particular types talk like this and act like this. I honestly cannot even wrap my mind who talks like this to a colleague. It’s not common or normal. You had to see that he lacks boundaries and lacks class from the very beginning. Do you like rough talking rough around the edges having no shame or boundaries kind of men? Maybe you’d be better off going for mild mannered humble soft spoken guys. Are you attracted to rough men?

If all three marriages were with wrong people, you might be going for all the same type of men. How was your family of Origin? How did your dad treat your mom? Were you raised to be submissive? You might need deep kind of therapy exploring how family of origin effected your choice in men.

It might be a good idea to stay single longer or maybe date longer. Not marry these men. You might find out they aren’t appropriate partners and it will be easier to leave. Marrying them might not be necessary at all

Also is he abusing substances like drinking and smoking pot excessively? It often effects ones judgement