ROCD Relationship Anxiety

The man who I started to date with 2 months ago has been having serious relationship anxiety for years. He has been working on it.

He said he has feelings for me and into me and thinks every time we spent together was amazing. We had fun activities, unique and deep connection, wonderful chemistry, honest and vulnerable conversations. He said everything was great with me and that these were that he always wished for from a woman. All of his actions confirmed the above ones and that he liked me.

Yet he got distant and decided it was better if we end it, because he might break my heart if we continue. He confessed that the questions “Is she the one?” “Is this forever?” “Is this love?” keep stucking in his head, he can’t focus, and these questions makes him anxious.

We decided a few days ago not to date. I’m learning about the relationship anxiety (ROCD) to understand it better.
I’m very confused. Why would someone choose to end things instead of just enjoying what’s great?
His work is very stressful and overwhelms him, does that add to that issue?

I gave him a card, that I will be there for him if he needs me.
We stopped talking. I miss him so much and that we had and started to build. I’m hoping that he would come back. Is that a silly thing to do? I know sometimes people need space.
How long should I wait for him?
Should I have stayed with him and support?
Should I have risk it that he might not break my heart?
Shouldn’t we do radio silence?
Has anyone been with someone with relationship anxiety?
Thank you!

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish I knew what to say to help. What a heartbreaking situation.

If he doesn’t want a relationship with you, you can’t really force it regardless of the reasons he doesn’t want it. He might come back or might not but you deserve someone who wants to be with you. Waiting for someone who doesn’t but might change his mind could end up being a waste of time. Longer you hold on to people who aren’t right for you, less chance you have meeting the right one

Trying to have a relationship with someone whose brain won't allow him to be happy is an exercise in futility for you. Project yourself 2 years from now if you "stayed" with him - and I put that in quotes because he has 100% control over being with you or not - in 2 years, you will probably have endured 4 or 5 breakups and would be kicking yourself for wasting 2 more years on this person.

Take some time away from dating but when you do begin again, don't go over old ground. He is someone who wouldn't even be a very good friend. He needs help you can't give him.

Thank you for the advice, I totally understand and agree. My point wasn’t to wanting to force anything, nor like waiting around forever. I try to keep myself busy and focus on different things. I even went back to a dating app to connect with people. I get many messages I just don’t feel it from anybody… - if it make sense. So my question was should I still wait? How long does it usually/normally take to be back on track again and move on? I know we were dating only for about 2 months but I didn’t had this many tears breaking up a 2-3 years long relationship.
Anyways, thank you again!!!

That’s a great advice, thank you, I appreciate it. And the funny thing is that I’m just realizing that exact same thing has happened me before, and not once, but like 3-4 times at least:
After dating a month or two the men just “not sure” and become distant. We break up, then a month or so later they come back, when I already kinda moved on and picked up my pieces…
We get back together but after being doubted nothing is the same for me. I loose trust, and the foundation is wobbly, which actually makes the whole building come down after a certain point. So yeah, I have wasted 0.5-3 years with a few relationships…

I know, I’m just being stupid right now, because it’s still fresh, but what if this one is different? What if he could love me with his whole heart just that stupid anxiety… it’s fixable, isn’t it?
He told me he has been having self esteem issues for decades especially dating someone who he finds very pretty. And this: what we have is too good to be true…
I know… suck it up… and don’t let the history repeat itself! But he’s so amazing! That stupid anxiety… 😡

What does it mean don’t go over old ground? (I’m not native English)

Because they cannot, or choose not to, tolerate the anxiety that they are experiencing.

They need professional help to deal with, and/or reduce, the anxiety.

I agree with Bill3 - I have experienced relationship anxiety, and while I can understand your relationship with him would seem great to you, and probably would have looked good to an outsider, I’m pretty sure for him it would have felt much different, even if he tried to pretend to himself it was fine.
You have a different perspective than his because you weren’t anxious and insecure. If he’s anything like me, he might also have gone through a sort of pattern, maybe thinking “it will be better this time” when getting into new relationships. But obviously, his underlying issues haven’t been dealt with. Hopefully he will have an “epiphany” one day and get the help he needs. It seems at least this time he recognised and acknowledged he wasn’t able to meet you where you were, so to speak.
I’m sorry this happened to you, though. No matter the reason you were broken up with it is going to sting for a while and part of that process is trying to make sense of why it happened.

All of these sound exactly like his words on our last meeting. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!