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New Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: US
Posts: 2
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Nov 11, 2021 at 02:21 PM
#1
Hello!
My fiance (30 F) and I (30 M) have been together for 3 years. I have intermittent notions of lack of commitment from her. There is definitely a lacking of communication skills that typically lead to stonewalling (close to a week long) and culminating to a threat of leaving ("This relationship cannot work"). I'm trying to determine if this is salvageable for prospects of a fruitful marriage. Both of us have intentions of getting married, but I have a gut-feeling the notion of marriage is perceived differently. I can provide more details, but wanted to start with this. Thanks! |
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 Photonate
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
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Nov 11, 2021 at 08:24 PM
#2
You might be interested in the so-called "Four Horsemen" that predict the failure of a relationship:
The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, & Stonewalling Stonewalling for an entire week sounds very worrisome indeed. Perhaps couples counseling would be in order, have you tried or considered that? |
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New Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: US
Posts: 2
2 |
Nov 11, 2021 at 11:19 PM
#3
I suggested it this time around. This is the 5-6th time this year, so I'm ready to throw in the towel. She prefers not to go to counseling (but willing) and asked to 'just give her a chance'.
Feels mostly like it's done out of a struggle/strive for power. |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,011
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Nov 13, 2021 at 12:39 PM
#4
It's okay to give her a chance (showing you are willing to cooperate). Maybe she could indicate a 'timespan' e.g. we could try for xx months/' THEN try couples counselling (showing, in turn, her desire to cooperate).
This way, you also know you won't be kept dangling forever in this uncertainty. It is her prerogative if she doesn't want to move forward, but she can't expect you to hang on forever. I would also clarify both your definitions of marriage if you feel she perceives it differently than you. Best to ensure you are both on the same page before getting married and committing to a life together. |
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 Bill3
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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