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#1
I don't know what to think.
I've been running a project for the last six months. I had quite a few people (my employess) benefit from it since it worked out. One of them - a married (since june lol) female friend - stays in touch with me on daily basis. She texts me how am I. Sometimes she calls and we talk for an hour or two. Some kind of sympathy is definately there. She doesnt flirt with me, though she doesn't seem like a girl who would (tough man-like personality). The only reason why she might be doing this I see is that she wants to befriend me to get a job in my future projects which is a no go. I dont play like that and I made it clear multiple times. Yesterday we talked on the phone for an hour in the middle of the night... I cant see reasons behind her actions (except the one above) and it bugs me. If she tries to play me to get the job, I'll discard her right away, but I'm not sure. She seems like a good person. Have you ever been in situation such as this? Any word of advice would be appreciated. |
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Legendary
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#2
BigBubba, I believe you are wise to be suspicious. It seems odd that a newlywed of six months would be chatting with a friend in the middle of the night.
I certainly don't have a problem with a married person having friends of the opposite sex. I've been on both sides of the situation. What seems odd to me is that she is talking with you for hours, even in the middle of the night. Could be she is trying to position herself to work for you again or she is trying for a relationship. |
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*Beth*, BigBubba, RoxanneToto
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#3
I’m still trying to wrap my head around “tough man like personality “.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#4
Talking for hours especially in the middle of the night is weird even if it’s just platonic friendship. We both have friends of opposite sex but talking for hours in the middle of the night is a bit strange. Where’s the spouse when that’s going on. I’d keep my distance. Too weird
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*Beth*, BigBubba, RoxanneToto
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#5
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I have a tough personality, first to admit, but I don’t know how it’s “man-like”. My husband is much milder mannered than me, is he “female-like”? People are just people. This lady is just not flirtatious. I can relate but it’s not “man like”. Some men are big flirts actually . I think this comes from a very old fashioned standards of behavior and I suspect maybe OP comes from a very traditional culture where men and women follow certain behavior patterns befitting particular gender. Some things he shared in the past made me think so. |
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RoxanneToto
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#6
I've never been in that situation per se, but I agree with the above posters who say it's odd for a newly married (or married in general) to speak with you for over an hour in the middle of the night. Why isn't she talking to her new husband? It's suspicious alright, but I'd say more so because she in fact IS trying to get somewhere with you - not for a job but for something else. I'd cut off talking to her like this and tell her it's not appropriate anymore. That's just me though.
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*Beth*, BigBubba, RoxanneToto
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#7
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How do you feel about these conversations (assuming that she takes you at your word and isn't trying to play for future work)? |
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BigBubba
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#8
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lizardlady
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#9
Its nice and cool. I can make her laugh easily. She talks a lot and I'm better listener than talker so that builds fine dynamic in a conversation. But at the same time, I feel weird because I don't understand this situation and I dunno what shes up to.
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Bill3
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#10
I think it’s weird. My husband would certainly not like it if I did that in our marriage. Somethings up.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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#11
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As about her calling in the middle of the night. Is her husband not home? Sitting right there? Sleeping? Working nights? Just a weird time to call people. And do you know him? Or she doing it in secret? My husband has an old friend since nursing school. If they do talk, it’s pretty long. Typically I am sitting right there. Its usually sharing work experience. Then her husband just died so that’s another topic. Then about kids. She helped me with advice when my mom was ill because her nursing specialty is different than my husband’s. Having said that, they talk like every few months the most. Not regular talks! My husband works nights so middle of the night isn’t unusual time for him. I’d not be bothered if it was occasional BUT frequency and length of conversations is bothersome. |
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RoxanneToto
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#12
I agree, whatever’s going on, it’s dodgy. It sounds like she’s trying to cheat on her husband, not (just) trying to get a job on your future projects. If I were married, I certainly wouldn’t like my husband making, or accepting such calls in the middle of the night, not under the circumstances you described at least. Something like divine1966 described would be different, though.
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Legendary
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#13
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#14
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#15
To be fair, I have a very bubbly personality and I suppose people could misconstrue it as flirting. I also am up at all hours of the night I have talk to both male and female friends. Although we are good friends and you are not with this woman necessarily, don’t you think asking her what her intentions are would be worth it?
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#16
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#17
Why wouldnt you have her work for you again? Because shes a giiiiiiirl?! I may be reading between the lines wrongly here, but is it that you are mad at her for NOT being available personally? "Being man-like" - yeah, she wants to earn a living! Even married women are allowed to want that. You might get the answer you REALLY want if you post in Men Only.
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Legendary
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#18
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#19
I never said that. I said that IF SHE PLAYS ME TO GAIN SYMPATHY, I'LL DITCH HER RIGHT AWAY. Because I dont allow people to play me. Simple as that. Men are just as screwed if they try playing games with me )
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#20
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Bill3
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