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ppink
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Member Since: Nov 2021
Location: Canada
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Confused Nov 25, 2021 at 02:24 PM
  #1
A little back story, I do not have a relationship with my father - he was abusive to my mother in front of me as a young child, put girlfriends first, broke promises, left me waiting for him to pick me up with no call and no show and lied to me the whole time I allowed him in my life. I cut him out for good when I was 16.

My mother - emotionally and mentally abusive. I've always had to tiptoe around her, be on my best behaviour and even at 41, I wanted to please her. I feared rejection from her, she was my only parent after all.

My mother despises my partner. He and I have been together for almost 8 years now. He treats my son like his own but because of how things happened at the beginning of my relationship with him, she's held it against him. Anyways, she stopped talking to me for not sticking up for her. She told my son (age 11 at the time) to put peroxide straight on his teeth with a q tip to lighten 2 yellow spots. My son had asked my boyfriend to help him open up the bottle. My boyfriend asked why, thinking he was hurt and trying to tend to a wound. When he found out why, he said it was "stupid" and to wait for me. I agreed after reading up on how it can weaken the enamel and when he turned 12, I would buy him a whitening kit. My son told my mother who refused to talk to me. That was in May.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my son and her were talking. He's 12 now and hormonal and as a typical pre-teen he has moods. He gave her a little attitude and she screamed at him and hung up on him. My son, not wanting to go over there asked his father to tell her he was staying with me on the weekend and not going to her place. He couldn't do it so I had to. I emailed her and said he wasn't going over. She replied to me a few days later wanting to work through things but also had some personal "digs" as my son told her I blocked her on Facebook and she's not a serial killer so she doesn't understand why I would do such a thing.
I explained that I limited what she could see, she was never blocked but I wasn't ready to talk to her and I was over the silent treatments she gives.
She replied that it was messed up to say and she wasn't giving me the silent treatment, she was "taking a breather" (you know...those last 6 months).

Anyways, since I refused to reply to her emails, she sent my son home last night with my grandmothers jewelry and my spare house key. Wants her back and a few things she had given me from her childhood (that I don't have anymore, I lost my storage unit because I couldn't afford to eat and pay that and they wouldn't let me in to sell some stuff to pay what I owed...which is understandable). She also told him that "she should have done to me what my father did and I should consider myself an orphan".

I know she obviously has mental issues but this hurts. I feel like I must obviously be a horrible person, why else would both my parents want nothing to do with me? Are these feelings normal?

Typing this all out sounds childish...
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Rive.
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Member Since: Sep 2013
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Default Nov 26, 2021 at 08:24 AM
  #2
I am sorry your mother is still emotionally abusive even all these years later.

Quote:
I feel like I must obviously be a horrible person, why else would both my parents want nothing to do with me?
It is really unfortunate that neither of your parents were good enough to do their 'job' - i.e. parenting, loving, supporting the child that they created and brought into the world.

It seems to you like you are the horrible person, but you are not. Your 'parents' are the ones who ought to be ashamed of how they treated and are still treating their own child. It is not you ppink. And it is painful to acknowledge that.

Quote:
Are these feelings normal?
Unfortunately, such feelings are common. As a child, depending on these adults to nurture, protect and love them, the child takes on the message that *they* are the problem. The child grows into an adult who believes it is their fault that their parents didn't love them. It is not the child's fault. It never is. It is the parents' fault. Always.
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sarahsweets
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Default Nov 27, 2021 at 02:03 AM
  #3
Personally I wouldnt let your son visit for awhile. She is inadvertedly involving him in the abuse by giving him those items and a message for you. Would you let another adult deliver a message to you through your son? Your mom sounds like the kind of person who will turn into the victim when she realizes you are unaffected by her latest shennanigans. So she may harass or contact you and accuse you of not letting her see her grandson and threaten you about grandparents' rights. She should come to you to visit or come to your town and take him to lunch. Because at her house as demonstrated the last time, you know she is sh** talking you. Your son doesnt need to hear that. Fine be an orphan. But when she calls crying and accusing just remind her of that.

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