advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-25-2021, 04:09 AM   #1
InkyTinks
Member
 
InkyTinks's Avatar
InkyTinks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2021
Location: in the sticks
Posts: 47
1 hugs
given
Default Do we need friends to be considered 'normal'?

I have Autism, Selective Mutism and Social Anxiety so making new friends face-to-face is very challenging as some social situations are so overwhelming it shuts me down and I can't speak.

I used to have a few deaf friends cos I was taught sign but my issues were more due to the autism and sound & language processing than a hearing loss (of volume.. ie not being able to hear sound at all).


I had no understanding of this back then I've only found out these last few years about auditory processing disorder with the pandemic too and not being able to see people I've just lost contact and connection with the deaf friend.


My siblings partner is nice and fun! but due to pandemic only really socialised at my siblings house which is where I grew up so feel comfortable enough to speak there.


I know if they split I probably wouldn't see her again (none of the past partners have kept in touch) but I treat her as my 'new bestie' cos its convenient... it makes me seem more normal that I can say I have a friend and I get to see both sibling and friend at same time which cuts down amount of social visits I have to do cos they aren't seperate people who don't know each other!


I keep reading about how social contact is important but what if its more stressful than anything else? how is it more beneficial to your MH if you get overwhelmed in public places and struggle to relate to people?...what if just playing video games gives me the same enjoyment a 'normal person' would get from meeting a friend for a cuppa weekly or daily?


Is there anyone else who really genuinely struggles with friendships or any expectation of relationship other than a very simple platonic one from people who don't expect too much of you?
InkyTinks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 11-25-2021, 05:07 AM   #2
RoxanneToto
Poohbah
RoxanneToto has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,355 (SuperPoster!)
1 yr Member
5,208 hugs
given
Default Re: Do we need friends to be considered 'normal'?

I can relate. In my case itís getting a little bit better, as Iím in recovery from CPTSD, but I have always struggled with forming and maintaining relationships, mostly because I feel like Iím bugging the other person when I initiate conversations. It is difficult, for anyone who deep down wants connection but finds it overwhelming or confusing for any reason.
I think at some point, at least to an extent, you need to decide what you want, and what actually works for you and disregard other peopleís expectations if you canít meet them. I think society finds people who donít have friends Ďweirdí but being Ďseen así normal (which thereís no definition for, anyway!) and actually being Ďnormalí I find are two different things. A person who doesnít have friends can still be kind, generous etc, and a person with lots of friends can be a monster hiding in plain sight. Itís really not as black and white as some people might want you to believe
RoxanneToto is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-25-2021, 07:38 AM   #3
InkyTinks
Member
 
InkyTinks's Avatar
InkyTinks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2021
Location: in the sticks
Posts: 47
1 hugs
given
Default Re: Do we need friends to be considered 'normal'?

Hi

Thanks for answering.


I think I have a view of 'normal' because I was constantly told as a child to copy other children (because they were normal and my behaviour wasn't due to the autism ie stimming due to anxiety)

So I've grown up knowing I'm 'not normal' and people can see that and always made fun of me.

eg whatever music I liked as a teen was laughed at..so I learned to like what was popular and keep my real favourite things a secret so I fit with normal.


I'm in my 50's so my early childhood was the 70's and 80's so not as much was known about Autism, particularly in girls.


Still when I meet someone new I'm trying to fit in with what I was told was 'normal' if I feel they maybe someone who may make fun of me if they knew I had autism.


Physical disabilities are much more accepted by the general public.
InkyTinks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:20 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun on Psych Central in 2001. It now runs as an independent community, overseen by a group of dedicated volunteers.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.