A strange relationship

Hi everybody, I am new and I hope to find new friends here and good avice too.

I will tell yo about my strange relationship with a man.
It all started at the end of February. I knew him by sight, meeting him about once a week in a social setting. One night we were close and I greeted him and for a few times we just said hello, then he started chatting until, about three months later, he gave me his number with a trivial excuse.

So we started sending greetings via Whatsapp, then they become more and more sweet and, despite our age, decorated with emoticons.

He didn't attract me as a man, rather, I liked his kind and nice attitude. In short, I'd like him to become a friend of mine, perhaps also because of the loneliness that I am experiencing with no time for myself because of many work and family duties. My marriage, then, is now made up only of great affection and mutual help.

But I'd say he's not interest in a friendship. I know almost nothing about him, he hasn't told me his last name, or if he has children or siblings, nor he have asked for this information about me. He only told me a little about his hobbies, his job and so on and... he made sure that I didn't let anyone read our chat!

He never hid from me that he was married (and he knows that I am too), although on a public occasion I found myself next to his wife (indicated to me as such by other people, I did not know her, nor did I spoken).
I also met him there, he then saw me next to his wife but did not join us to introduce us, nor later did he ever say a word to me about the presence of his wife at that event (and neither did I, to avoid embarrassment). Needless to say, this seemed me strange, but it didn't stop me later from agreeing to meet it.

Yes, we met several times, the conversation has always been pleasant and light and, immediately, he asked me to say goodbye with a hug and kisses on the cheeks. Kisses that have soon moved on the lips and that,at the end of the last and recent date, have turned into French kisses.

Of course, friends don't give each other those kind of kisses. A friend doesn't caress a friend's hands and leg, or casually caresses her bottom like he did last time.

Those who want to be friends, do not send messages with simple greetings, at fixed times and only very rarely in the evening or on weekends. Messages that gradually become repetitive and conventional, okay, maybe also because of his not excellent cultural level... I also proposed to him to call me to talk a little when we can't meet, or even just to add small details to his messages about his day, but he never did.

I made the mistake, after the last date (when we french kissed) of writing to him alluding that I had very much enjoyed it. After this, no reaction, his messages are still “dull” (I don't know if there is a cause- effect relationship , everything happened a few days ago)

I am disappointed and saddened, perhaps I have not been able to avoid idealizing a person and a situation. Maybe I am missing something or someone who never existed.

Or maybe there are still some hope for a helathy relationship? How can I avoid suffering more?
I feel like a teen and I don't know how to handle this situation, it's strange, I've faced much more difficult and painful things in my life path and not considering myself as such an immature or superficial person.
Thank to all who will read my story and thank you in advance for any advice.

Hello and welcome,

What would you like to happen? I mean as I understand, you're both married with children. Do you want to have casual sex or do you want a boyfriend for something more serious?

So, you're both married and cheating on your respective spouses.. Then, you initially told him you wanted to be friends but moved on to making out with him.

You ask how to avoid suffering more? A messy situation such as this one will only involve pain. You are moving too fast with someone you don't even know and who is already 'taken'. As you wrote earlier on: "I know almost nothing about him". Plus, him cheating on his wife and never even acknowledging her speaks to his character.

All of these won't make for a healthy, pain-free, relationship.

If both sides have the same approach, then it actually may work out.

Are you wanting to leave your marriage and start a new relationship, or are you seeking an affair? If you want an affair, that can never be a healthy relationship because both of you are married and have other partners involved. Someone will get hurt, inevitably. If you want to leave your marriage, I suggest separating first before exploring anything with this new man.

Thanks to all for the replies.

Yes, I think it's better to close with that man. I don't want to hurt anybody (particularly, his wife, who has no fault) and I don't want to suffer more.

Oh and I didn't tell him I simply wanted to be his friend, I took this for granted, then things changed but this is not I really want, I see this is not an healthy relationship.

I'll keep you upated.

thanks for the hugs, unaluna

I personally recommend divorcing your husband before pursuing other men. I also recommend pursuing single men, rather than married ones. This kind of stuff only leads to trouble.