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seesaw
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Default Dec 31, 2021 at 10:00 PM
  #1
A woman I know, not a close friend, but someone who has been very kind to me when I joined the dog trialing circuit in my area just before the pandemic began, recently lost her husband. He had a stroke in the summer and died a few months ago.

She loved him very deeply, and I remember her once telling me he treats her like a princess. She is disabled and didn't work. His income was their sole income. They rented their home and had 8 dogs.

I guess he didn't have life insurance, and it seems like she's in very dire straits financially. Her landlord wants her to move out ASAP so he can sell the place, and she can't afford to find somewhere else especially with 8 dogs.

I've been sitting and listening, not saying much just giving my ear and shoulder as she grieves. Last week I saw a glimmer of hope when she texted me and said "when you get back we have to go out. I have stop sitting around and I have to get out. I just feel like I want to die." And I said "sounds to me like if you want to rebuild a life then you really want to live." And she agreed.

But her mood certainly swings a lot and it's definitely triggered by the financial and living situation she's in right now.

So...to the point of my post: I don't know how to help her. Another friend set up a go-fund-me, which I donated to.

I just have no clue what resources are out there that could help her.

Obviously rehoming some of her dogs would be an option. They are purebred dogs that she very responsible bred though, and I know that would be a very last resort for her.

I know she gets disability, but I am not sure if working at all would jeopardize it (I'm not sure if it's SSDI or SDI), but I certainly wouldn't mind paying her to do some work for me if that would help her financially.

Anyone have any suggestions or ideas for helping a widow find a home?

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Default Dec 31, 2021 at 11:05 PM
  #2
She can make like around one thousand a month before disability would penalize her. The exact amount would be online. Pretty sure its the same for everybody. It probably changes a little every year.

8 dogs tho. Wow. I cant afford one cat.
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Default Jan 01, 2022 at 07:48 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
A woman I know, not a close friend, but someone who has been very kind to me when I joined the dog trialing circuit in my area just before the pandemic began, recently lost her husband. He had a stroke in the summer and died a few months ago.

She loved him very deeply, and I remember her once telling me he treats her like a princess. She is disabled and didn't work. His income was their sole income. They rented their home and had 8 dogs.

I guess he didn't have life insurance, and it seems like she's in very dire straits financially. Her landlord wants her to move out ASAP so he can sell the place, and she can't afford to find somewhere else especially with 8 dogs.

I've been sitting and listening, not saying much just giving my ear and shoulder as she grieves. Last week I saw a glimmer of hope when she texted me and said "when you get back we have to go out. I have stop sitting around and I have to get out. I just feel like I want to die." And I said "sounds to me like if you want to rebuild a life then you really want to live." And she agreed.

But her mood certainly swings a lot and it's definitely triggered by the financial and living situation she's in right now.

So...to the point of my post: I don't know how to help her. Another friend set up a go-fund-me, which I donated to.

I just have no clue what resources are out there that could help her.

Obviously rehoming some of her dogs would be an option. They are purebred dogs that she very responsible bred though, and I know that would be a very last resort for her.

I know she gets disability, but I am not sure if working at all would jeopardize it (I'm not sure if it's SSDI or SDI), but I certainly wouldn't mind paying her to do some work for me if that would help her financially.

Anyone have any suggestions or ideas for helping a widow find a home?

There might be some local resources that could help w housing! And I know some shelters may be willing to make an agreement w her regarding her dogs while she gets settled. I worked for one whom kept a gentleman’s cat while he was incarcerated. Cat was cared for and deemed not adoptable as the owner still claimed him and intended on taking him back once he was out. Same thing with a couple who split and the one was homeless. All animals were kept and cared for until the individual could find an apt. Its def worth calling around and seeing what options are available!

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Default Jan 01, 2022 at 09:24 AM
  #4
Seesaw, speaking as a widow myself your friend is going to have mood swings. It goes with the grief. You are already doing the best thing to help her there, just be there and listen.

Was her husband old enough to collect social security? If so she can receive a portion of his benefits.

The dogs.... could people in your dog trialing group foster some of the dogs while she gets on her feet? If they can't foster maybe they could provide her with food for the dogs. Her vet would also be a good resource for finding help.

Some areas have agencies with rental assistance. She could check to see if there are any in your area. She can also check the United Way to see what services exist in your area.

Thank you for helping her.
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Default Jan 01, 2022 at 09:47 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by lizardlady View Post
Seesaw, speaking as a widow myself your friend is going to have mood swings. It goes with the grief. You are already doing the best thing to help her there, just be there and listen.


Was her husband old enough to collect social security? If so she can receive a portion of his benefits.


The dogs.... could people in your dog trialing group foster some of the dogs while she gets on her feet? If they can't foster maybe they could provide her with food for the dogs. Her vet would also be a good resource for finding help.


Some areas have agencies with rental assistance. She could check to see if there are any in your area. She can also check the United Way to see what services exist in your area.


Thank you for helping her.
Fostering her dogs might be a good option temporarily. I know I could take one, at least for a while.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Jan 09, 2022 at 01:54 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
A woman I know, not a close friend, but someone who has been very kind to me when I joined the dog trialing circuit in my area just before the pandemic began, recently lost her husband. He had a stroke in the summer and died a few months ago.

She loved him very deeply, and I remember her once telling me he treats her like a princess. She is disabled and didn't work. His income was their sole income. They rented their home and had 8 dogs.

I guess he didn't have life insurance, and it seems like she's in very dire straits financially. Her landlord wants her to move out ASAP so he can sell the place, and she can't afford to find somewhere else especially with 8 dogs.

I've been sitting and listening, not saying much just giving my ear and shoulder as she grieves. Last week I saw a glimmer of hope when she texted me and said "when you get back we have to go out. I have stop sitting around and I have to get out. I just feel like I want to die." And I said "sounds to me like if you want to rebuild a life then you really want to live." And she agreed.

But her mood certainly swings a lot and it's definitely triggered by the financial and living situation she's in right now.

So...to the point of my post: I don't know how to help her. Another friend set up a go-fund-me, which I donated to.

I just have no clue what resources are out there that could help her.

Obviously rehoming some of her dogs would be an option. They are purebred dogs that she very responsible bred though, and I know that would be a very last resort for her.

I know she gets disability, but I am not sure if working at all would jeopardize it (I'm not sure if it's SSDI or SDI), but I certainly wouldn't mind paying her to do some work for me if that would help her financially.

Anyone have any suggestions or ideas for helping a widow find a home?
If you share here or via pm what state you are in I am one of those professional googlers than can find just about anything.

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Default Jan 09, 2022 at 01:57 AM
  #7
She can check with Catholic Charities for rental assistance. I think she would probably have to rehome some of the dogs (at least temporarily) though. Catholic Charities will help people who aren't Catholic too.
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Default Jan 09, 2022 at 03:30 AM
  #8
If she has SSI - any amount of money she gets will reduce her SSI, as it depends on the state's rules.

If she has SSDI - she can earn up to $1000 or maybe a little bit over before she will have some of her SSDI reduced. She may need to pay taxes, too. She's only at risk of losing her SSDI if she meets SGA (substantial gainful activity), which typically consists of full-time work, but it can also include part-time work, depending on her disabilities.

Ask her if she's willing to work, or if she can work to earn some extra money - at least temporarily.

Ask her if she would prefer donations instead, to keep things simple during her time of bereavement, grieving, and life transitions.

It seems like you're doing a ton of things for her already. Just being there for her is probably a huge help. Donating to her Go Fund Me is also helping, too.

As far as her dogs are concerned, it would depend on the laws there. In certain areas, it's illegal to have more than 4 pets. In other areas, the numbers will vary, depending. She might have difficulty finding a place to accept all of her dogs because of the legalities of that. But maybe she might be able to get some sort of license to keep all the dogs. There might be people willing to foster her dogs for a short time, until she can find a more permanent residence.

The price of purchasing houses are really high - they've inflated everywhere since the advent of the pandemic because the housing market knows that it's safer to live in houses than it is to live in apartments, townhomes, and condos during a pandemic. They capitalized on this so much that most of the houses get bought within days of them going on the market, and many renters were kicked out of their housing rentals. It's unlikely for her to find a house to rent to hold all of her dogs since many of those have been sold or are only being sold (not rented). The best best would be for her to perhaps rent a townhome, duplex, or triplex with a back yard big enough for all her dogs.

But if money is an issue, then she might need to part with most of her dogs, unfortunately. Perhaps she can get visitation rights if the dogs are adopted by nearby families. Meanwhile, she could probably keep 2 of them if she rents an apartment or condo, and perhaps 4 of them if she can rent a townhome, duplex, or triplex. Again, it depends on the laws.

The other option is perhaps renting a trailer home - or whatever they are called.

I wish you the best of luck with your friend. I'm so sorry for her loss!

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