Financial trouble with the misses

So I have an issue with my wife and money. Right now I'm the only one working while she stays at home with the kids, but she still has dominant control on how the money is spent and where the bills are paid. Over the 7 years of marriage we've had a lot of financial and credit card debt problems just to put food in our mouths, especially early on because of my mental health. Now I'm doing much better and make more money than we ever did but we still have the same problem.

Early on we got into $15,000 dollars of consumer debt and were only able to get out of it because of refinancing our house. That was four years ago. Recently though, our consumer debt was beginning to climb and I was worried. We had a lot of conversations about it, how I didn't want to get into more debt and she agreed. However it slowly began to climb from $3000, to $6000 dollars and then last night she just admitted to me it was $14000.

When I ask what are we spending the money on and why she spent so much, she always uses this thing where she asked permission to spend the money. I always ask "do we have the money for that?" She says "yes" so I'm say "sure." But then it always ends up on a credit card.

I ask her what is going on and the excuse she gave me last night is that when I ask her "do we have the money" there is money in the account but random expenses keep coming up and that is what's put on the card.

I'm not sure what to do about this, I've asked to take more of a financial role in the whole thing but often what happens is she was we'll do one thing and then something completely different happens, or if I'm strict about what can be spent or what can't be spent she complains about not being able to "have experiences with her children."

I even increased my salary by about $10,000 a year in the past few months and then our debt skyrocketed from $8,000 to $14,000 in that time. It seems something is terribly wrong in all of this and I don't know what I should do or how to even fix it.

Any advice would be nice.

This must be very hard for both of you. Financial stress in marriage can cause a lot of negative feelings between partners.

My advice is to take a deep look at everything your money buys... from morning coffee at Starbucks to groceries to car insurance to credit cards. Every monthly bill and subscription service fee to housing payments. This is the start of a budget. I'm not suggesting you cut expenses, I'm saying sit together and look at everything that you pay for. Don't forget to include the expenses that go on a credit card. Some bills may not be paid monthly (quarterly car insurance payments, annual hoa fees, bimonthly sewer bill payments, etc) Write them all down, how much it is, how frequently it paid and how it's paid for.

Create a budget that you both agree to follow. There could be bigger problems than just overspending or not keeping track of things. It can be very confrontational between marriage partners to deal with finances. Sometimes a financial advisor can be really helpful to mediate between partners in creating a budget. This isn't a her side vs his side issue... this is a we need to work on this together and find a solution together issue. Some employers offer a variety of employee services for free or at a reduced cost. My last employer offered 2 free sessions with a financial planner every benefits period. It's worth checking into.

You shouldn't have to ask. You ought to know the state of your finances, not leave it to your wife.

This is concerning because it seems you have let go any involvement with regards to your finances. You need to be more involved & set boundaries re (1) how much and (2) on what money is spent.

I agree that the two of you need to decide on a budget. Often people just allot a small amount of money for discretionary spending a month. Figure out what you can afford after all bills are paid and groceries and gas bought.

Do you have a joint account? If so, I would check it regularly so that you know how much money is in it and what it's being spent on.

It's also a good idea to get down to just one credit card and pay it off in full each month.