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Member Since Dec 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 341
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#21
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seesaw
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Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 341
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#22
YES!!! He has avoided events in the past at my house, at my sister's house and at my mom's house. He may regret not being able to come, but it doesn't show.
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Open Eyes
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Bill3
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Member Since Dec 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 341
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#23
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Mendingmysoul
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Member Since Dec 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 341
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#24
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Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 341
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#25
Only one problem Molinit. My brother has known my daughter was a senior in high school for many months. So why did he not think about her graduation? This isn't some random family picnic that I planned out of the blue. But as you said, I will "let it go". And I walk away from this enlightened as to how to treat my brother and his planned events going forward. At the end of the day, I only want people who care and want to be there to attend. The rest can pound sand.
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Mendingmysoul, Rose76
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
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#26
Yep,this kind of double standards result in our enlightenment and we introspect our relationships As we can't change others,we change and reevaluate ourselves. I did the same.I would like to give you a heads up.When we change our behaviour towards them,they immediately recognise it and rather than dwelling on or introspect what might have caused the change or if they might have contributed to it,they get passive aggressive. They have developed ..I would like to say..an addiction towards our niceness,that they get withdrawal symptoms, when they do not get the same treatment from us anymore.They never see their fault in this.They will react in a way with an underlined message....How dare you to make changes???
This happened to me.After not getting the invitation and then them not sharing the news that kid got accepted into a good college( I heard this from other resources anyways),I started to try not to bend over backwards for them.I politely rejected their proposal that they would like to come and stay for a week .It was the first time I ever said ..no.. to them in my entire life.And they turned passive aggressive.After saying no to them I waited to see if they ask me if some thing is going on with me.Maybe I am sick and can't take guests right now.There are so many possibilities, right???But they never asked the reason.They simply do not care.There reactions and behaviours have reinforced my thoughts...that this relationship was never reciprocal. For them it was never personal. It was for me always and they just took a free ride and enjoyed it as long as it lasted.They never cared enough to nurture the relationship.Once they realised I am onto them,they just dropped me like a hot potato.The first time I tried to put a boundary,their mask dropped.I wonder what happened to all that praise and adoration when they wanted something from me.LOL.I just wanted to share my experience, so that you will be prepared in case that happens. Sorry for the long post. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
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#27
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lizardlady
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Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Birmingham UK
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#28
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Now I don't get invited to anything to do with them, he has to do a 10+-mile round trip to ensure mother gets there. He's had to rethink his drinking habits too. The arrogance is unbelievable. Your course of action now is the best. You're showing that you can rise above their behaviour. One day he could need your help.... |
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
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#29
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Anyways, didn't mean to project my baggage on you, lol. I think you were right with your initial response: you have to just learn not to expect anything from him. AND I hope along with that you will not let his attitude or comments make you feel bad about anything you or your family need to do rather than make appearances at these events. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Bill3
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Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#30
When people show you the reality of who they are, BELIEVE THEM! They are not going to change.
You have shared your brothers pattern of behavior. Accept that at times he will disappoint you. Last edited by Open Eyes; Jan 17, 2022 at 01:06 PM.. |
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seesaw
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