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Unhappy Mar 02, 2022 at 04:39 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Medusax View Post
Yesterday I was on a facebook forum and the question was, would you have your mother as your mother again if you were going to relive your life? Every one on there went on and on about how WONDERFUL and sweet and angelic their mothers were. One that actually made me burst out laughing was the one that said how sweet their mother was when they were sick. My mother was at her MOST tyrannical when we were sick. Surely there had to be others reading that that were amazed... Anyone else feel left out about such things?
I sure do. I can't even stand it in the movies or commercials, close knit family relationships with hugging and affection and closeness. I fast forward past them if I can. If not I change the channel.

I've never used Facebook or Twitter, partly because of the reasons mentioned here but also for many other reasons.


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Default Mar 02, 2022 at 07:20 PM
  #22
I would pick up with a grain of salt everything it’s said on FB. Said that, a mother tends to be a good caretaker and many of them even would give their life for their kids but there are many mothers, more than we think, who are unnatural. You only have to think about how many criminals had mothers who failed them when they were kids and others who were overprotected and want to get through their kids what they didn’t were capable to get for different circumstances, among them, being a woman. An example of this is the capo of the Medellin cartel of drug, Pablo Escobar.
Yes, as hard and strange as it may seems, mothers play sometimes a bad role. You are not alone.

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Default Mar 03, 2022 at 07:52 AM
  #23
My friends thought my stepfather was great. He never showed them anything other than the polite side.

Once when discussing his latest unacceptable behaviour, one friend's response was "well, he's never like it with me". The implication that it was something unacceptable I was doing to make him that way. We're no longer friends but the split wasn't because of this.
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Unhappy Mar 03, 2022 at 12:21 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
I would pick up with a grain of salt everything it’s said on FB. Said that, a mother tends to be a good caretaker and many of them even would give their life for their kids but there are many mothers, more than we think, who are unnatural. You only have to think about how many criminals had mothers who failed them when they were kids and others who were overprotected and want to get through their kids what they didn’t were capable to get for different circumstances, among them, being a woman. An example of this is the capo of the Medellin cartel of drug, Pablo Escobar.
Yes, as hard and strange as it may seems, mothers play sometimes a bad role. You are not alone.
I agree. I take FB and almost everything online with a grain of salt.

Some women definitely aren't "mother material" and should never have been one. I think my mom fit that. Maybe she did it because at that time, it's just what you do. So to conform, she has kids. Everyone else did.

Overprotection is as bad as underprotection or neglect.

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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Default Mar 04, 2022 at 12:38 AM
  #25
This thread has me thinking about my own mom, and my relationship with her. While I consider myself close-ish with her now, she has caused me a lot pain that affected the way I developed and grew up. I'm still undoing the effects. I consider it complicated, because we are close now. I should probably examine my relationship with her as a whole. Though I also will probably lose it when I lose her. I would really like to have other close / emotionally intimate relationships besides her.
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Default Mar 04, 2022 at 04:07 AM
  #26
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Originally Posted by poshgirl View Post
My friends thought my stepfather was great. He never showed them anything other than the polite side.

Once when discussing his latest unacceptable behaviour, one friend's response was "well, he's never like it with me". The implication that it was something unacceptable I was doing to make him that way. We're no longer friends but the split wasn't because of this.
Oh, I relate to this! There were people who thought my dad was charming/a gentleman, but he had a different side at home. Not overtly nasty, unless he couldn’t have his way, but he could be very entitled and had this nasty grin that he flashed when he knew he’d annoyed you. So much more I could say, too, but the gist is that, like with your stepfather, a lot of people have very different sides. We all have different aspects, of course, but most of us don’t have to go to great lengths to hide them.
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Default Mar 04, 2022 at 06:46 AM
  #27
My mum and I were actually pretty close when I was growing up and we still communicate daily through text. I'm sure she tried to raise me to the best of her ability- only her ability was lacking and I didn't turn out that great. Not all her fault.

Still, she's only human. No angel. Everyone has their flaws. Maybe it's also a cultural thing, we're quite down to earth and not that quick to call people angelic in my country
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Default Mar 04, 2022 at 07:25 AM
  #28
My mother was physically and verbally abusive; and I had no father around. I joined the army right out of high school; I was patriotic, but also I needed to escape from her. I grew up in poverty. The army (Womens' Army Corps) was the best decision I ever made.
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Default Mar 04, 2022 at 08:18 AM
  #29
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Originally Posted by poshgirl View Post
My friends thought my stepfather was great. He never showed them anything other than the polite side.

Once when discussing his latest unacceptable behaviour, one friend's response was "well, he's never like it with me". The implication that it was something unacceptable I was doing to make him that way. We're no longer friends but the split wasn't because of this.
I’m sorry a lot you had to go through it.
There are more cases than we think like this. Some people put on the nicest social mask and then, behind walls are true monsters.

Your friend wouldn’t ever comment on this personal issue without knowing more about what was happening and (s)he should support you in the best way possible, that is, in this case, listening with detail to what you had to say. 😘

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Default Mar 04, 2022 at 08:24 AM
  #30
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I agree. I take FB and almost everything online with a grain of salt.

Some women definitely aren't "mother material" and should never have been one. I think my mom fit that. Maybe she did it because at that time, it's just what you do. So to conform, she has kids. Everyone else did.

Overprotection is as bad as underprotection or neglect.
Yes, I heard (because I don’t belong to any online social platform, other than this forum) and there’s a lot of fake or at least, not so marvellous as it may seem. Obviously, as it happens in face-to-face social life only that online it’s easier to pretend and there’s the incentive of receiving a like or lots of instant replies.

I forgot to add something. We are agree on both neglecting and overprotecting being harmful. And iI have just recalled my own personal case, I somehow had both, overprotection but at the same time, didn’t receive many care. I always was very confused with contradictory messages. Both equally harmful to built a good self-esteem. 😢

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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 05:23 PM
  #31
I do feel left out. Narcissists don't believe they need help, or that there is anything wrong with their behaviour

I experienced many contradictory messages. I was both over protected (in some ways) and neglected

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Default Apr 15, 2022 at 08:07 AM
  #32
I can relate to the over-protection and possibly neglect too.

The third degree about where I was going, who I was going with. Time to be home was always set before movie ended and often no negotiation allowed (even though it was a weekend). Lost friends because I couldn't join them.
Sat back and watched while my (younger) brother was allowed out with no questions, no strict deadlines.

The neglect came from her wish to never upset her new husband. No defence of her own children against his unreasonable attitude. Only since I've gone through thirties, forties, fifties and into sixties do I realise how much she wanted to manipulate me into being the same character. Closed mind, subservient but still expected to put up with her every mood and whim.
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Unhappy May 08, 2022 at 11:19 AM
  #33
Well here in the U.S. we are getting images of smiling mothers and their kids shoved down our throats.....I don't think this is a day in other countries. Here it's a "weekend" and even the weather forecast will show hearts and flowers and "Mother's Day" in big, bold letters.

Seems there's no awareness of people whose mothers are deceased, are/were abusive or cold, or both in some cases.

I didn't know where to post this but thought this thread seems a good place.

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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Default May 08, 2022 at 12:05 PM
  #34
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Well here in the U.S. we are getting images of smiling mothers and their kids shoved down our throats.....I don't think this is a day in other countries. Here it's a "weekend" and even the weather forecast will show hearts and flowers and "Mother's Day" in big, bold letters.

Seems there's no awareness of people whose mothers are deceased, are/were abusive or cold, or both in some cases.

I didn't know where to post this but thought this thread seems a good place.
Here in the UK, Mother's Day was in March. It's always before Easter. During the Covid lockdowns, one very well-known store mentioned in its e-mails that they were sorry if they offended anyone who had recently experienced illness/loss. It didn't appear this year. Adverts for chocolate didn't mention the day specifically.

Its origin is more interesting. Historically called Mothering Sunday, it was the day when staff (servants) were allowed time off to visit their mothers.

My mother chooses to go to my brother on that day. Not going to argue with her, I just welcome the opportunity to do what I want. She gets gift and card the day before, often with a cream cake!
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Heart May 08, 2022 at 12:18 PM
  #35
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Here in the UK, Mother's Day was in March. It's always before Easter. During the Covid lockdowns, one very well-known store mentioned in its e-mails that they were sorry if they offended anyone who had recently experienced illness/loss. It didn't appear this year. Adverts for chocolate didn't mention the day specifically.

Its origin is more interesting. Historically called Mothering Sunday, it was the day when staff (servants) were allowed time off to visit their mothers.

My mother chooses to go to my brother on that day. Not going to argue with her, I just welcome the opportunity to do what I want. She gets gift and card the day before, often with a cream cake!
Thanks for posting. I'm making it a point not to listen to my favorite radio station this weekend because ALL WEEKEND they are going to keep telling me about today.

COVID isn't even mentioned here, except as statisitics and an afterthought. Never occurs to florists or candy makers that maybe someone just lost their mom to COVID. We've had over a million deaths here, and people are acting like this is over and that we don't have a million people GRIEVING too.

Here they bring out the flowers and candy right after Easter, to remind you of the next "holiday." It's not a holiday but it is treated as one, in many ways. Like Super Bowl Sunday which I couldn't care less about.

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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Default May 08, 2022 at 10:14 PM
  #36
Mother's day is very triggering for me.When I was a kid I used to believe all mothers behaved like my mom .Spiteful,hateful,raging,physically,mentally,verbally cruel and abusive.I used to go to my friend's place after school to avoid my mom's hostility.I thought it was weird that my friend's mom used to smile at her and asked her if she was hungry.I thought mothers were supposed to beat, yell and be mean .I was that naive, Hope all the abuse survivors are healing and doing better.
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Default May 10, 2022 at 11:32 AM
  #37
It’s all about consumerism. That’s all.

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Default May 10, 2022 at 11:34 AM
  #38
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Mother's day is very triggering for me.When I was a kid I used to believe all mothers behaved like my mom .Spiteful,hateful,raging,physically,mentally,verbally cruel and abusive.I used to go to my friend's place after school to avoid my mom's hostility.I thought it was weird that my friend's mom used to smile at her and asked her if she was hungry.I thought mothers were supposed to beat, yell and be mean .I was that naive, Hope all the abuse survivors are healing and doing better.
I understand your confusion when you were a kid.
Sorry you went through that.

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Default May 10, 2022 at 02:50 PM
  #39
this mothers day hurt

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Unhappy May 11, 2022 at 12:49 PM
  #40
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It’s all about consumerism. That’s all.
SO true. Even the founder was appalled at how commercialized it got and tried to abolish it. I wish they would. Let people celebrate or not...on any day they want. I read a few articles online that day about how hurtful it is for many people. It includes women who lost children, are struggling with adoption or fertility issues, regret being a mom, etc. Also women who are surrogate mothers, raising kids that are not their own, like stepmothers.

The article said we must be kinder in our "happy" greetings and be aware not all relationships are a Hallmark card. Those images are great but not the norm. It's fake and makes me people think this is how motherhood should be.

The forced or artificial cheerfulness is triggering to me. Father's Day doesn't have the same hype (or sales...) but it's still too much.


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Mother's day is very triggering for me.When I was a kid I used to believe all mothers behaved like my mom .Spiteful,hateful,raging,physically,mentally,verbally cruel and abusive.I used to go to my friend's place after school to avoid my mom's hostility.I thought it was weird that my friend's mom used to smile at her and asked her if she was hungry.I thought mothers were supposed to beat, yell and be mean .I was that naive, Hope all the abuse survivors are healing and doing better.
I thought all mothers were critical and didn't say "I love you" or hug their children. Guess I'm supposed to assume she loved me since she was expected to. I often wonder if she WANTED to be a mother or did it because, at that time, it was just expected of women of that generation.

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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Mothers  who  weren't  so  "angelic"

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