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Desert Kitty hates titles
nonightowl
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Member Since: Jul 2008
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#21
Quote:
I've never used Facebook or Twitter, partly because of the reasons mentioned here but also for many other reasons. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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AzulOscuro
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Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#22
I would pick up with a grain of salt everything it’s said on FB. Said that, a mother tends to be a good caretaker and many of them even would give their life for their kids but there are many mothers, more than we think, who are unnatural. You only have to think about how many criminals had mothers who failed them when they were kids and others who were overprotected and want to get through their kids what they didn’t were capable to get for different circumstances, among them, being a woman. An example of this is the capo of the Medellin cartel of drug, Pablo Escobar.
Yes, as hard and strange as it may seems, mothers play sometimes a bad role. You are not alone. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Fuzzybear
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nonightowl, RoxanneToto, wordshaker
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poshgirl
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Location: Birmingham UK
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#23
My friends thought my stepfather was great. He never showed them anything other than the polite side.
Once when discussing his latest unacceptable behaviour, one friend's response was "well, he's never like it with me". The implication that it was something unacceptable I was doing to make him that way. We're no longer friends but the split wasn't because of this. |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
nonightowl
wonders if anybody reads this
Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,119
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#24
Quote:
Some women definitely aren't "mother material" and should never have been one. I think my mom fit that. Maybe she did it because at that time, it's just what you do. So to conform, she has kids. Everyone else did. Overprotection is as bad as underprotection or neglect. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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WovenGalaxy
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#25
This thread has me thinking about my own mom, and my relationship with her. While I consider myself close-ish with her now, she has caused me a lot pain that affected the way I developed and grew up. I'm still undoing the effects. I consider it complicated, because we are close now. I should probably examine my relationship with her as a whole. Though I also will probably lose it when I lose her. I would really like to have other close / emotionally intimate relationships besides her.
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RoxanneToto
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#26
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Discombobulated
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nonightowl, wordshaker
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BreakForTheLight
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#27
My mum and I were actually pretty close when I was growing up and we still communicate daily through text. I'm sure she tried to raise me to the best of her ability- only her ability was lacking and I didn't turn out that great. Not all her fault.
Still, she's only human. No angel. Everyone has their flaws. Maybe it's also a cultural thing, we're quite down to earth and not that quick to call people angelic in my country |
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Discombobulated, wordshaker
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Marie123
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#28
My mother was physically and verbally abusive; and I had no father around. I joined the army right out of high school; I was patriotic, but also I needed to escape from her. I grew up in poverty. The army (Womens' Army Corps) was the best decision I ever made.
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AzulOscuro
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#29
Quote:
There are more cases than we think like this. Some people put on the nicest social mask and then, behind walls are true monsters. Your friend wouldn’t ever comment on this personal issue without knowing more about what was happening and (s)he should support you in the best way possible, that is, in this case, listening with detail to what you had to say. 😘 __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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nonightowl
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AzulOscuro
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#30
Quote:
I forgot to add something. We are agree on both neglecting and overprotecting being harmful. And iI have just recalled my own personal case, I somehow had both, overprotection but at the same time, didn’t receive many care. I always was very confused with contradictory messages. Both equally harmful to built a good self-esteem. 😢 __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Fuzzybear
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#31
I do feel left out. Narcissists don't believe they need help, or that there is anything wrong with their behaviour
I experienced many contradictory messages. I was both over protected (in some ways) and neglected __________________ |
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poshgirl
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#32
I can relate to the over-protection and possibly neglect too.
The third degree about where I was going, who I was going with. Time to be home was always set before movie ended and often no negotiation allowed (even though it was a weekend). Lost friends because I couldn't join them. Sat back and watched while my (younger) brother was allowed out with no questions, no strict deadlines. The neglect came from her wish to never upset her new husband. No defence of her own children against his unreasonable attitude. Only since I've gone through thirties, forties, fifties and into sixties do I realise how much she wanted to manipulate me into being the same character. Closed mind, subservient but still expected to put up with her every mood and whim. |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
nonightowl
wonders if anybody reads this
Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,119
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#33
Well here in the U.S. we are getting images of smiling mothers and their kids shoved down our throats.....I don't think this is a day in other countries. Here it's a "weekend" and even the weather forecast will show hearts and flowers and "Mother's Day" in big, bold letters.
Seems there's no awareness of people whose mothers are deceased, are/were abusive or cold, or both in some cases. I didn't know where to post this but thought this thread seems a good place. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Discombobulated
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poshgirl
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#34
Quote:
Its origin is more interesting. Historically called Mothering Sunday, it was the day when staff (servants) were allowed time off to visit their mothers. My mother chooses to go to my brother on that day. Not going to argue with her, I just welcome the opportunity to do what I want. She gets gift and card the day before, often with a cream cake! |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
nonightowl
wonders if anybody reads this
Member Since: Jul 2008
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Posts: 9,119
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#35
Quote:
COVID isn't even mentioned here, except as statisitics and an afterthought. Never occurs to florists or candy makers that maybe someone just lost their mom to COVID. We've had over a million deaths here, and people are acting like this is over and that we don't have a million people GRIEVING too. Here they bring out the flowers and candy right after Easter, to remind you of the next "holiday." It's not a holiday but it is treated as one, in many ways. Like Super Bowl Sunday which I couldn't care less about. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Mendingmysoul
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#36
Mother's day is very triggering for me.When I was a kid I used to believe all mothers behaved like my mom .Spiteful,hateful,raging,physically,mentally,verbally cruel and abusive.I used to go to my friend's place after school to avoid my mom's hostility.I thought it was weird that my friend's mom used to smile at her and asked her if she was hungry.I thought mothers were supposed to beat, yell and be mean .I was that naive, Hope all the abuse survivors are healing and doing better.
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AzulOscuro
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#37
It’s all about consumerism. That’s all.
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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nonightowl
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nonightowl
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AzulOscuro
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#38
Quote:
Sorry you went through that. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Medusax, nonightowl
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Pr3tz3l
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#39
this mothers day hurt
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nonightowl
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Desert Kitty hates titles
nonightowl
wonders if anybody reads this
Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,119
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#40
SO true. Even the founder was appalled at how commercialized it got and tried to abolish it. I wish they would. Let people celebrate or not...on any day they want. I read a few articles online that day about how hurtful it is for many people. It includes women who lost children, are struggling with adoption or fertility issues, regret being a mom, etc. Also women who are surrogate mothers, raising kids that are not their own, like stepmothers.
The article said we must be kinder in our "happy" greetings and be aware not all relationships are a Hallmark card. Those images are great but not the norm. It's fake and makes me people think this is how motherhood should be. The forced or artificial cheerfulness is triggering to me. Father's Day doesn't have the same hype (or sales...) but it's still too much. Quote:
__________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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AzulOscuro, Bill3
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