Married 26 years

Hi I’m a 50 year old female been married 26 years together 30 years. My husband is having an affair and told me he has moved on and want a divorce. We have two teenagers. I want to file now not sure what to do. We had to tell our children because the other person husband my have reached out to them so we didn’t want them to find out from some stranger. I’m kinda lost right now

I'm so sorry you are in that situation. Sounds really heartbreaking. Since I have never been married, I am the last person of earth to offer advice. From being around these Forums a lot, I know that there are many people struggling with issues involving divorce, and I hope they will respond to your post kindly and helpfully. I want to welcome you to these Forums and also tell you that my heart goes out to you!

It’s a horrible situation to be in. My ex husband left me 7 years ago for someone else. Eventually remarried her.

My only words to you is that life does go on and you do rebuild, slowly, piece by piece.

If you can keep an amicable relationship for the sake of your kids that will be great. Took me many years to get there.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It's hurtful and it's frightening and stressful. You need to get legal advice. That does cost money, but acting without counsel could end up costing you more. Don't tell your husband about you seeing an attorney. When he brings up the subject of ending the marriage, let him do the talking. Listen quietly.

I would recommend you start a notebook. Write down what's going on, like when he is there vs when he is gone and for how long. Document with time and date what he states - like him saying he is involved with another woman and his statements about wanting a divorce. Your kids are young enough that he still has responsibilities to support them. If he causes any friction in your home, document his behavior and what he talks about. It can be brief. As the situation unfolds, he is likely to lie and claim he never said this or that. A simple record of your encounters with him can be valuable in helping you keep track of what is going on. Make notes about how he converses with the children . . . or doesn't. They can be brief notes. That can be valuable, if he and you end up in a custody dispute.

Open a bank account in your name only. If you have joint accounts, consider moving funds to an account he can't touch. Apply for a major credit card that is yours alone, if you don't already have one. Make a list of debts that you jointly owe. Watch what happens to those accounts.

This is a very emotional time for you. But keep a cool eye on your joint finances. Write down any threats of any kind that he might make - about finances, child custody, etc. - and any demands. Sign nothing without getting the advice of an attorney.

I don't know much about your situation, but your husband doesn't sound like a stand-up guy. I don't know what kind of a loser woman he has found who is impressed by a man with a wife and two teen children that he's ready to turn his back on. Someday, when you get through what you have to get through, you may find that you're better off without him. For now, just take life a day at a time.

I know from personal experience there is very little I can say that will ease your emotional reactions. My heart goes out to you and your children. It can help to vent anger by crushing empty boxes.
I second everything Rose76 said. I also suggest contacting a financial planner to help you devise a sound financial plan for post divorce. If you are employed, tell your boss what is happening (basics, not details) in the event you need to deal with something during your work hours such as a call to your attorney, a wave of emotion, etc. Have a chat with your kids guidance counselor so they can keep an eye on changes you may not notice.
Make a list of all your marital assets including retirement accounts, life insurance policies, even a list of tools in the garage. Document everything he takes from your home/marriage in a journal. Everything that was acquired in the last 30 years is a marital asset. Everything he removes from your home, even things you don't want or are 'his' have a value. That awful recliner he insisted on buying that he wants in his new life, counts toward his half of the marital assets. My ex took 'his' boat and 'his' fishing poles. He was surprised that I got to keep all the cash in our joint accounts as an offset to those assets.
I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will get through this. Someone told me that the best revenge on a cheating spouse is to be happier without them than you ever could have been with them. I wish the happiest life for you and your kids.
Oh and get to your Dr for a full std screening. Worth the peace of mind because people who cheat and the people they cheat with may not be honest about things..