[lovethesun]

My daughter (high school freshman) seems to be struggling. She is a very sensitive person who processes emotion at a very deep level. She gives people 100% and pours everything she has into people. This tends to make her a target in some respects as she is not able to just "roll things off her back" when people do mean things that break the bond of trust. she experiences disappointment and sadness on a deeper level than most people, I think. She's been struggling to find and maintain friendships at her school. Every weekend she spends alone in her room watching tv shows on her phone. She is involved with swimming and she's previously been involved in band and other school clubs at my urging to try to get her to build new friendships but it hasn't had very good results. She's started dressing in all black and seems to just, in general, have this sort of dark cloud around her. She may even be struggling with depression to some degree. She goes to a school where fights in the hallways are common. She hears other students being threatened sometimes. She recently offered friendship to a boy who comes from a bad home life and his troubles have unfortunately seeped into her life. Other kids in this boy's life who have issues are angry with my daughter for "getting involved" and lashed out at her this past week by going through the school's anonymous safety reporting site and filed a fake report pretending to be my daughter and claiming that my daughter was assaulted in a bathroom by a group connected to drugs. My daughter was scared, angry and horrified to have to meet with school counselors and administration to "prove her innocence" and make them understand that it was a fake report. the only other 2 friends my daughter has turned their backs on her because "she talked to the disturbed boy" and now my daughter has no one and sits alone at school. For a deeply sensitive person like my daughter this is devastating. I think I'm going to put her in a different school. In other words, change her environment. I honestly think if she were around more people that could be a positive influence on her she'd be better emotionally and mentally. I'm seeking anyone's thoughts or advice on this.

[Rive.]

It could be both - external environment + internal 'landscape'.

Can she get individual support as well? Such as counselling. It might be worth her having a safe space with someone offering a supportive presence and to equip her with tools to live in a harsh (sometimes, cruel) world.

The way you describe her makes her sounds like a sweet person but she can get her heart broken or be used/abused easily if she does not develop a thicker skin, or be more discerning re other people's intentions etc.

[Bill3]

I wonder how she would feel about changing schools.

It is rough to change schools and her very sensitive nature could make it even rougher for her.

I agree with Rive. about the value of individual support through counseling. Does she/could she see a counselor? I would have her screened for depression and social anxiety, which an outside-of-school counselor/therapist will do. I think that getting input from a counselor, and seeing if things get better through counseling, and taking into account how she feels about changing schools, would give valuable information to help decide whether or not changing schools would help her.

Would anyone at school, such as her guidance counselor, know her well enough to be helpful to speak with?

It can be really rough to see one's child struggle, my heart goes out to you.

[divine1966]

It sounds like your younger daughter has similar issues at school as your older one had. Going by multitude of issues you and your family have with your neighbors and your kids school issues I feel like you live in a rough neighborhood where one has to watch their back at all times. School sounds horrid and so is your neighborhood.

Any chance you could look for a better place to live? It’s been long enough that you lived in this nightmarish situation.

If moving is out of the question, look for school of choice for your kid. There has to be something better out there

Also get your kid a therapist ASAP

[lovethesun]

Thank you Bill! I'm going to try to do the things you suggested. My daughter has a quieter nature in general and I'm always treading lightly with her as I don't want to assume that her natural way of being is depression. I don't ever want her to think I'm labeling her. She is a very good student and gets mostly A's. And ironically, the day before this "fake report" stuff happened, I received an email from one of her teachers praising her for her hard work and her dedication to the class. He said my daughter contributes greatly to the class as a whole helping all to be successful.

[Molinit]

I'll say this - I don't know how she ISN'T depressed with all this chaos, and I'd much rather be "labeled" and treated properly for depression so I could enjoy my life rather than have a parent who resists labels and doesn't seek out appropriate treatment for me, forcing me to live a dysthymic existence (as I was in my teen years).

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by Molinit

I'll say this - I don't know how she ISN'T depressed with all this chaos, and I'd much rather be "labeled" and treated properly for depression so I could enjoy my life rather than have a parent who resists labels and doesn't seek out appropriate treatment for me, forcing me to live a dysthymic existence (as I was in my teen years).

With all due respect Molinit, unless you have an MD degree in Psychiatry I don't think you have the authority to say my daughter is depressed. I'd never deny someone treatment if they really needed it. My daughter has had healthy relationships prior to this incident and has even stuck up for other people when they were being bullied. She makes good grades and participates in after school sports. But she does have a quiet nature about her. Could this mess trigger a depressive episode? Maybe. If she starts to find it hard to function and starts refusing to go to school, will I seek help from a counselor? Yes. If she tells me she wants to go to a counselor, will I take her? Yes. I'm always evaluating situations for the right action to take. I'm sorry you had the experience you did in your teen years, but that does not mean that's the same situation here. Thanks for your input.

[Discombobulated]

Hey Lovethesun, I don’t really have any advice here but just wanted to say I think it’s great you are tuned into what’s happening with your daughter, it’s really difficult being a parent sometimes and wanting to do the right thing. I went through a hard time at school myself, it was long ago, I didn’t confide in anyone, so no one was able to help me. Sending hugs your way that your daughter will find the best way through this for her.

[lovethesun]

****UPDATE****
After the initial fake report that was filed anonymously about my daughter, two more incidents occurred where my daughter was called in to speak with the principal at school because "some of her friends said they were worried about her". My daughter's 2 friends alerting the principal are Jack and Liz. These are the 2 friends who turned their backs on my daughter for talking to the troubled boy. They have refused to talk to her or sit with her at lunch. Odd behavior from 2 so-called friends who care so much that they take time out of their day to tell the principal they are "worried" about her. Today my daughter confronted Jack and Liz and told them about being called into the principals office because of their statements. She told them she was okay and not in any trouble and thanks for their concern. Immediately, Jack acted angered but did not respond to my daughter. Liz shook her head and said she understood and seemed glad to have had the discussion with my daughter. Jack then called my daughter a "lying B". This is VERY odd behavior from "a friend who is worried". So my daughter called me to say she thinks she knows what is going on. She thinks Jack filed the fake report (maybe out of some disjointed jealousy over the situation with my daughter talking to the troubled boy) and is now worried about getting in trouble for it so he's putting up a cover to administration to make him look like a caring person in order to protect himself from suspicion and prosecution. Jack has probably been lying to Liz to have someone to do his dirty work with. Liz heard the truth from my daughter today and Jack was outed and got angry. Jack has been absent from school on and off due to personal problems and this appears to be a bullying scheme. My daughter is working through the emotions of this situation with a counselor at school.

You sound like a great Mom. I'm sorry for what she's going through with her "friends." Thank you for the update, too.