Keep the flame in a long-term relationship

Hi!

I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years.
I love my partner and he loves me. Why am i writing here? Because i want to know if there are other couples who have troubles with keeping the flame in the relationship.

I am not sure when it began, maybe 1 year ago.. I started feeling that the relationship is a bit monotonous. We talk about work and usual stuff. Sex is good but we do it once a week only. My partner is ok with less sex, but i wanted more. But now i accepted it and it is not such a big deal.

The problem is that i dont know if our relationship will survive eternally. I really love my partner but i dont feel that attracted anymore. Sometimes i feel bored.

I even had sex fantasies about a friend. Nothing happened in real life. But the fact that i thought about another man is disturbing me. I dont want to mess up.
Can you share your experience ? I would be thankful if you recommend me good literature or movies about the topic.

Looking forward to your honest answers!

Communicate (he might feel the same) as to how you can both reconnect.

Yes, maybe you are out of love with him. But maybe you (both) are not actively working on the relationship so as to keep the flame alive: date nights, have fun and/or travel together, regular frank discussions of 'where are we at', 'what your needs are' and 'what my needs are' etc.

If you let life take over then yes, a relationship can become stale and routine.

Personally I feel good relationships withstand stale because there is a connection there deeper than all the romance that started it. HOWEVER....I still think things like date nights & planning activities & goals together are a very important part of keeping a relationship alive. Stale happens & we have to deal with that to but it needs to be spaced in between things that both enjoy doing

I think physical attraction not enough to make good relationship. You must to enjoy do things together

My sister and brother-in-law have been married over 50 years. They make little sacrifices for each other all the time. It’s not about physical looks but respect and affection.

I personally feel relationships evolve, all of them, but for many people marriage is their most important relationship.

I’m not going to recommend movies or literature because most of those do not reflect real life, they use a lot of drama. Real relationships may have moments of drama but they usually have long stretches of every day life, yes maybe monotonous, or boring sometimes. I would encourage you to be curious about your partner, don’t assume you know everything about him, be interested in his thoughts, and who he is, what draws you to him? Ask him questions, encourage him to ask you questions.

As you go through life together take opportunities to connect - there are many if you look for them. Maybe trying new activities together, or visiting places, perhaps watching a movie then having a good discussion afterwards about what you really thought of it.

I’ve been with my husband almost 30 years and I can honestly say although we’ve had rough patches at times as we went through life together this more mature phase of our relationship is the best so far, it’s not the wild passion of the early years but it’s a deeper and calmer connection.