[xRavenx]

My boyfriend met my mother several times. The first time, he said something nice, but he seemed to say nicer things about the other people in my family that he met. After a few times of meeting her, he told me he still thinks she is nice, but he talked about habits she has that bother him, such as talking over him.

My mom can be judgmental and superficial, but I have no problem standing up for myself when needed to. But we are close, and she probably does not realize what she is doing. Should I kindly point out this tendency she has, not tell her that he said anything, so that she can work on this? Or should I just let it go? He brought it up several times, so I wonder if it is worth trying to fix, or maybe he can just accept this about her, as he is willing to overlook it.

Thanks in advance

[Bill3]

I would not recommend trying to change anything as a result of your boyfriend's comments. You are fortunate indeed to have a close relationship with your mother. My advice is: Don't mess with it.

You have learned to work around her foibles; your boyfriend can learn to do that as well.

[Discombobulated]

I agree with Bill, your boyfriend is a relative newcomer in your family set up, it’s not really his place to expect others to change.

[divine1966]

If my daughter told me to stop doing something because her husband disapproves of it, id likely be very hurt and will suspect he controls my daughter because she’d not come up with this nonsense all on her own. I’d laugh at having to work on something that some boyfriend doesn’t like. Ok now. That’s a bit much

Please don’t say anything to anyone. He is a boyfriend who only met her few times and he already makes critical comments. And now she has to adjust herself to please him. I don’t think so

[RollercoasterLover]

We can't fix other people. We can't force anybody else to work on any behavior that we don't like. For example, my own mother interrupts people and talks over them. Some people let her do this and Some choose to address it directly with her. Each person gets to set and manage their own boundries. If your boyfriend has a problem with your mother's behavior, it's up to him to deal with addressing it if he chooses to. If he chooses to just accept it, it's still OK. That's his choice to make.

[Rive.]

so that she can work on this?

She might not want to 'work on this' nor appreciate being told to change by her daughter?! Then what?

Is your boyfriend so sensitive that he cannot be polite on those occasions he interacts with your mother? Does he not have any habits that are less than perfect? He is the one who seems pretty judgmental if he can't get along with someone he meets rarely enough.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Rive.

She might not want to 'work on this' nor appreciate being told to change by her daughter?! Then what?

Is your boyfriend so sensitive that he cannot be polite on those occasions he interacts with your mother? Does he not have any habits that are less than perfect? He is the one who seems pretty judgmental if he can't get along with someone he meets rarely enough.

He is definitely capable of getting along with her and is very polite. He says he likes her, but it's something he noticed that he finds annoying. I wish he didn't bring it up since it's not like there's anything that can be done., and it kinda makes me feel uncomfortable knowing this now. I wish he just said nothing at all about it.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I would not recommend trying to change anything as a result of your boyfriend's comments. You are fortunate indeed to have a close relationship with your mother. My advice is: Don't mess with it.

You have learned to work around her foibles; your boyfriend can learn to do that as well.

I agree. I am not going to bring it up to her and do not want to hurt her. He's going to have to learn to see past it.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

My boyfriend met my mother several times. The first time, he said something nice, but he seemed to say nicer things about the other people in my family that he met. After a few times of meeting her, he told me he still thinks she is nice, but he talked about habits she has that bother him, such as talking over him.

My mom can be judgmental and superficial, but I have no problem standing up for myself when needed to. But we are close, and she probably does not realize what she is doing. Should I kindly point out this tendency she has, not tell her that he said anything, so that she can work on this? Or should I just let it go? He brought it up several times, so I wonder if it is worth trying to fix, or maybe he can just accept this about her, as he is willing to overlook it.

Thanks in advance

She might not know what she is doing. Or he could be trying to control you,

[Rive.]

Yes, for sure, he has put you in an awkward position. I would not say anything to her.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

She might not know what she is doing. Or he could be trying to control you,

He's not controlling and never has been. He just doesn't think things through sometimes before speaking.

[*Beth*]

Is it possible that your mom was nervous when speaking with your bf? If so, that may have caused her to tend to interrupt.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Is it possible that your mom was nervous when speaking with your bf? If so, that may have caused her to tend to interrupt.

It's possible she felt this pressure to keep talking and maybe isn't good with silence. Plus, she is a very talkative person and means well.

[Rose76]

You have to decide if you can overlook your boyfriend not liking this aspect of your mother's personality. Even if you two wind up as a permanent couple, your boyfriend has no obligation to like your mother. His obligation is to be courteous toward her. She has the same obligation toward him.

If your boyfriend brings this up again, you can explain that your mother is as she is and that there's not much you can do about it. Tell him you appreciate any patience he can have when he's around her.

I'ld be kind of slow to tell my parent what they need to work on. Now, if she talks over you, you might try, gently, to say you need to finish your thought. If she thinks this is coming from your boyfriend, she will sorely resent him forever. You don't want that. Good luck.

[wobblehead]

You can change boyfriend any time but cannot change mother