advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 22, 2022 at 02:37 PM
  #1
We met last year in person through a social media event and stayed friends online through Facebook. After a few incidents - today being a major one - where her posts revealed her true personality to me, I just couldn't ignore her red flags anymore and ended the friendship.

It's so awkward when this happens. I had to message her husband and let him know why I couldn't remain friends with him on Facebook. Then, I messaged a mutual friend to let her know too, that I wasn't friends with our mutual friend anymore.

The incident today was the last straw. Previous incidents include:
  • messaging me to tell me she didn't like some of my friends on Facebook (I thought that was weird b/c she didn't know any of them personally)
  • Missing my birthday celebration and not apologizing for ghosting me on my birthday
  • Anytime I disagree with her, instead of acknowledging my feelings she just would laugh and tell me I was overreacting
  • She'd post passive aggressive comments about my accomplishments that I posted about on my Facebook
  • When I asked her about a weekend she and her husband was free to have me visit, she basically said she wasn't going to alter her schedule to meet me for any site seeing etc. while I'd be in her city, specifically to see her and her husband and hang out with them.

Those are the highlights of what I consider toxic behavior. The vacation one and the birthday one should have been my cues to cut her loose but I foolishly gave her the benefit of the doubt and continued to stay friends with her.

Why would I fly to her city to visit her and her husband if she blatantly says she's not going to meetup with me b/c she has a,b, and c to do and doesn't want to deviate from her schedule and that was in response to multiple dates that I offered to visit for her and her husband's availability.

Today's incident, I disagreed with a post about the use of dog shock collars. She and her husband have two dogs and they use a shock collar on their 2 year old puppy. We were in a group chat and she called me a troll, b/c I posted a link from the Humane Society about an article on how dog shock collars don't teach dogs anything except to negatively associate anxiety and pain with the shock they receive when they bark, and sometimes they get aggressive due to their anxiety about being constantly shocked. It was just my opinion. I have friends who disagree with me, yet they respect my feelings and acknowledge that my opinion matters to them, even if I disagree with them. She didn't react that way. She was very snarky.

So, when I told her via FB that I was done with her friendship, she texted me that I was overreactive and she went on about how great her husband is and how I would miss out on her friendship because I'm so small minded.

I'm middle aged. I don't need people in my life who are going to gaslight me b/c we disagree with each other. I deserve to have my opinion respected. When someone puts me in a scapegoat role that is not friendship. That's emotional abuse.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, Discombobulated, FloatThruThis, Sohappy, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated, unaluna

advertisement
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 22, 2022 at 03:48 PM
  #2
People who use shock collars (or any other cruel methods) on animals are not going to be my friends and I am not even a pet person.

As about friendship it sounds that she was ok with chit chat online on social media but wasn’t up to anything like actual hanging out let alone being actual friends. She had no interest in you actually visiting them (was she the one inviting you first or you were the one suggesting you visit them?). Her way to get out of it was telling you she is too busy. I am not excusing her but hosting people from out of town or even just show them around if they stay in the hotel is a lot of work. And if you only met once, she might not be very invested

It sounds that perhaps it wasn’t as true friendship as you thought it was or hoped it would be. But frankly if she is so nasty and doesn’t even share same views why even be friends with her. Good riddance.

I missed where she told you how great her husband is. Lol who cares. Weirdo. Like what’s the use for you to know how great is her husband if you don’t ever spend time together.
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated, FloatThruThis, unaluna
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 22, 2022 at 04:48 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
People who use shock collars (or any other cruel methods) on animals are not going to be my friends and I am not even a pet person.

As about friendship it sounds that she was ok with chit chat online on social media but wasn’t up to anything like actual hanging out let alone being actual friends.

She had no interest in you actually visiting them (was she the one inviting you first or you were the one suggesting you visit them?). Her way to get out of it was telling you she is too busy. I am not excusing her but hosting people from out of town or even just show them around if they stay in the hotel is a lot of work. And if you only met once, she might not be very invested

It sounds that perhaps it wasn’t as true friendship as you thought it was or hoped it would be. But frankly if she is so nasty and doesn’t even share same views why even be friends with her. Good riddance.

I missed where she told you how great her husband is. Lol who cares. Weirdo. Like what’s the use for you to know how great is her husband if you don’t ever spend time together.
I agree with you - shock collars on dogs is a big no-no and the Humane Society agrees with me and doesn't promote the use of them. So, at the end of the day, while I'm disappointed my yearlong investment in my friendship with this woman didn't work out, I can't be friends with ANYONE who advocates shocking their dog because their dog barks. Dogs bark. Accept it as a fact, or don't adopt one. Her cruelty on her 2 year old German Shepherd puppy caused us to argue a lot already (she'd hit the puppy, put a muzzle over its face, shout at it, berate it, etc).

I think you're correct that she was only interested in having an online friendship after we met in person last year with a big group from our Facebook group (which is how we all met each other in person).

You're also correct that she tried to get out of my offer to visit her and her husband this summer in person (they have relatives in my state, which is why they were here in the first place, visiting her husband's family), by telling me she was too busy to deviate from her schedule (which is rude to say to someone who is visiting from out of town anyway).

I never asked her to host me either. I just asked if she would be free over a two day weekend to go on a trolley ride of her city with me, and maybe out to lunch or dinner the next day including with her husband before I'd leave. So, a quick 3 night, 2 day visit. Not enough for her to feel so "put out."

Yeah. She texted me after I ended the friendship in a FB message, writing, "Well, I have my husband and you don't have one. So, I'm very lucky! etc etc etc" So, that reeked of her own feelings of insecurity if all she has is her husband that she has to brag about it to a woman she met twice in person and spoke to over the phone with a handful of times over the past year.

This is why I don't like online friendships as much as some people do. I want real friendships offline, in real life. I am rejoining Meetup groups now that Covid is (hopefully) over. I hope to meet and make new friends that way. If there are 7 billion people on this earth, surely, a few of those people want to be friends with me in person.

Making friends after 50 is hard as it is. I don't want to get a cat or dog, because I can't afford to care for either one financially. Once I can afford to, I plan to get a cat or a dog. Plus, there are tenants in my building who own dogs, and they let me pet them when our paths cross while I'm out walking in our neighborhood.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply, divine. My ego hurt a little bit. It's just annoying when people you invest in for friendship, turn out to be one-sided investments.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, Discombobulated
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 22, 2022 at 05:07 PM
  #4
She is an idiot. “She has a husband and you don’t”. Like having a husband is some special kind of accomplishment. Like she has a Nobel Prize and you don’t. And it’s rude to even say things like that. Weirdo. Hitting a puppy? I’d like to hit her.

Meetups are good by me. I am in a couple of groups myself and it’s a blessing. There are many that are only women and that’s what I like. Many choices. I have a group of three girl friends that I’ve met in a meetup that no longer exists but we maintain friendship and even do annual 3 day trips to various locations. I don’t make friends easily so I do have to make actual effort to maintain it so in that sense meetups are good as you have to make an effort to physically show up
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 22, 2022 at 05:16 PM
  #5
Yes, she went on and on about how great it is to be with her husband. Oh and they aren't legally married either. She left her first husband and neither of her adult sons speak to her, nor does her adult brother who lives in their family home and won't sell her, his share of the house. She vilified these men which makes me think they're likely not as vilaneous as she portrayed them to me (likely for sympathy). Who does that? I have never bragged that 'I am in a relationship and you're not' with anyone. That's just so weird.

I was active in Meetups 15 years ago and made a ton of acquaintances; some of whom I thought were friends but those never panned out. We all lost touch and then Covid hit. Time for me to reboot my social life. Sounds like Meetup has worked for you too. Annual 3-day trips with your real life friends sounds like a lot of fun, too. I don't make friends easily either. I have a ton of acquaintances that I mistake for friends, sometimes. Oh well. That's life.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 22, 2022 at 05:45 PM
  #6
Ok so he isn’t even a husband. Live in boyfriend. No shame in that but she is pointing out you don’t have a husband, well, if we want to get technical, neither does she.

Neither of her kids speak to her is an interesting fact. I get it that sometimes one kid might be estranged but when all are, it’s not a good sign. Bye Felicia

Sometimes having acquittances is good enough. True friendships are rare. We all need some social life outside of home
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
eskielover
Legendary Wise Elder
 
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,701 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
14.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 22, 2022 at 10:29 PM
  #7
Hmmmm, always good to pay attention to red flags about a person before investing in a one sided "friendship" that really isn't a friendship. Sometimes we want something to be what it isn't we ignore those red flags then look back & see them AFTER our feelings get hurt. These are definitely good learning experiences for the future.

If you didn't have family or friends in her town &
Quote:
she tried to get out of my offer to visit her and her husband this summer in person
she might have thought that you were going to expect them to spend a lot of that visit time with you. Rule of thumb, never just invite yourself into someone's life you really don't know well, & even then I would feel it out first before even doing that to a close friend.

I actually had a guy I knew from high school & the university (back in the late 60's & 70's connect with me over FB. Turned out to be obnoxious (though he didn't believe he was) I unfriended him & then finally had to block him. Another guy I friendship on FB from HS wanted me to refried the guy. I just said NO & left it at that as it was none of his business why I felt the need to block the guy. A whole list of reasons but it wasn't his business.

No point in being friends with people on FB who we really have nothing in common with or who aggravate us. Life is too short to waste on those kinds of things

__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
divine1966, Open Eyes
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 22, 2022 at 10:49 PM
  #8
Well said. Sounds like you experienced it too. I agree that I made assumptions that I shouldn’t have about asking if I could visit them this summer. I also agree with you that hindsight is always 20/20. She and I had nothing in common but the Facebook group.
A good lesson for me since it’s really hard to get to know someone online for whom they truly are. This is why I just want to meet people offline and socialize in person. The risks of being incompatible are less when you socialize in person. That makes it easier to suss out whether or not the other person and I would be a good fit as friends.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, eskielover
 
Thanks for this!
divine1966, eskielover
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 23, 2022 at 03:58 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts View Post
Well said. Sounds like you experienced it too. I agree that I made assumptions that I shouldn’t have about asking if I could visit them this summer. I also agree with you that hindsight is always 20/20. She and I had nothing in common but the Facebook group.
A good lesson for me since it’s really hard to get to know someone online for whom they truly are. This is why I just want to meet people offline and socialize in person. The risks of being incompatible are less when you socialize in person. That makes it easier to suss out whether or not the other person and I would be a good fit as friends.
Great plan!
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 23, 2022 at 04:58 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Great plan!
Thanks! I forgot to add, she also had the gall to write in her text, "see you around the group on Facebook" as though nothing had happened and we were still friends.

That...seems like a perfect example of gaslighting someone, doesn't it? Pretending that reality (her bullying me online, me calling her out for it, then me drawing the boundary of ending our friendship after a year) is different than what it really is.

I can only imagine what her adult sons went through, along with her first husband (now I doubt the truth of everything she told me about her life details), if she's gaslighting me after she bullies me online the way she has done.

Bullet dodged indeed.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
eskielover
Legendary Wise Elder
 
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,701 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
14.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 23, 2022 at 06:06 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts View Post
Thanks! I forgot to add, she also had the gall to write in her text, "see you around the group on Facebook" as though nothing had happened and we were still friends.

That...seems like a perfect example of gaslighting someone, doesn't it? Pretending that reality (her bullying me online, me calling her out for it, then me drawing the boundary of ending our friendship after a year) is different than what it really is.

I can only imagine what her adult sons went through, along with her first husband (now I doubt the truth of everything she told me about her life details), if she's gaslighting me after she bullies me online the way she has done.

Bullet dodged indeed.
Some people just see things differently than we do & respond in dysfunctional ways that to them may not even be intentional bullying as you experienced it to be.

Shoot, I know the guy I interfaced didn't get what I told him even explaining in great detail. In his case it was because he wanted to be friends so badly that he really didn't care to understand what I said. Some people just think their way of life is fine & just continue on as normal even after a conflict. Their choice just as our choice is to disengage from them.

I walked out on my 33 year marriage & moved 2100 miles away. For financial reasons (the IRS) I didn't get a divorce for years after I left. In his mind he was sure I would come back to him after 2 years. When I didn't, 11 years later he said he finally "guessed" he was the cause of my leaving. Not an online friendship or relationship but it shows just how dysfunctional some people's lives actually are.

__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 24, 2022 at 11:15 AM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post


Some people just see things differently than we do & respond in dysfunctional ways that to them may not even be intentional bullying as you experienced it to be.

Shoot, I know the guy I interfaced didn't get what I told him even explaining in great detail. In his case it was because he wanted to be friends so badly that he really didn't care to understand what I said. Some people just think their way of life is fine & just continue on as normal even after a conflict. Their choice just as our choice is to disengage from them.

I walked out on my 33 year marriage & moved 2100 miles away. For financial reasons (the IRS) I didn't get a divorce for years after I left. In his mind he was sure I would come back to him after 2 years. When I didn't, 11 years later he said he finally "guessed" he was the cause of my leaving. Not an online friendship or relationship but it shows just how dysfunctional some people's lives actually are.
See things differently? It sounds like you're making excuses for her behavior. Are you? And, why are you making excuses?

At some point, as an adult, she has to take responsibility for the way she treats people. Posting hurtful comments intentionally on social media about me so that others can read them is inexcusable.

There is no way you can justify that type of behavior. There is no other way to interpret mean behavior as being misunderstood. By that logic, if someone punches me in the face, they're not being mean. I just interpret it that way. So, you and I can agree to disagree.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
eskielover
Legendary Wise Elder
 
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,701 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
14.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 24, 2022 at 12:37 PM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts View Post
See things differently? It sounds like you're making excuses for her behavior. Are you? And, why are you making excuses?

At some point, as an adult, she has to take responsibility for the way she treats people. Posting hurtful comments intentionally on social media about me so that others can read them is inexcusable.

There is no way you can justify that type of behavior. There is no other way to interpret mean behavior as being misunderstood. By that logic, if someone punches me in the face, they're not being mean. I just interpret it that way. So, you and I can agree to disagree.
Can't justify it....but it is going to happen whether you like it or not in the REAL WORLD. So we have to learn how to handle ourselves cause we are NEVER going to change them. Yes, they see things differently OR THEY WOULD NEVER BEHAVE THAT WAY. That is not about justifying behavior it is about dealing with REALITY that there are people like that in the world that touch our lives & we need to deal with it the way we need to for our own well being

__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Nammu, Open Eyes
EagleTears
Member
EagleTears Tired
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default May 24, 2022 at 01:44 PM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts View Post
Today's incident, I disagreed with a post about the use of dog shock collars. She and her husband have two dogs and they use a shock collar on their 2 year old puppy. We were in a group chat and she called me a troll, b/c I posted a link from the Humane Society about an article on how dog shock collars don't teach dogs anything except to negatively associate anxiety and pain with the shock they receive when they bark, and sometimes they get aggressive due to their anxiety about being constantly shocked. It was just my opinion. I have friends who disagree with me, yet they respect my feelings and acknowledge that my opinion matters to them, even if I disagree with them. She didn't react that way. She was very snarky.

As a dog trainer sometimes using a shock collar is necessary to fix a behavioral problem depending on the actual dog. Mind you that the humane society is not a training organization so I take their **Dog training advice** articles with a grain of salt. I respect your decision not to agree with this kind of practice, but you also need to respect us dog trainers that uses shock collars. When inexperience people who know nothing about dog training start lecturing us about **proper** training by sending us articles from PETA and the humane society can often rub us the wrong way.

I welcome any kind of dog training debate as long as your sharing your personal experience with training animals, not what some internet article says.

A 2 year old dog is no longer a puppy.. it's a young adult. by that age the dog should be sexually matured.
EagleTears is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
eskielover
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 25, 2022 at 12:40 PM
  #15
Quote:
Originally Posted by EagleTears View Post
As a dog trainer sometimes using a shock collar is necessary to fix a behavioral problem depending on the actual dog. Mind you that the humane society is not a training organization so I take their **Dog training advice** articles with a grain of salt. I respect your decision not to agree with this kind of practice, but you also need to respect us dog trainers that uses shock collars. When inexperience people who know nothing about dog training start lecturing us about **proper** training by sending us articles from PETA and the humane society can often rub us the wrong way.

I welcome any kind of dog training debate as long as your sharing your personal experience with training animals, not what some internet article says.

A 2 year old dog is no longer a puppy.. it's a young adult. by that age the dog should be sexually matured.
Like I said you and I can agree to disagree respectfully with each other. I don’t need to agree with you just because that’s what you believe. I don’t agree with you. And I don’t need to. So you can’t tell me what to do.

In essence you’re acting just like she does. You do not get to tell other people what to think or believe.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 25, 2022 at 12:40 PM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post


Can't justify it....but it is going to happen whether you like it or not in the REAL WORLD. So we have to learn how to handle ourselves cause we are NEVER going to change them. Yes, they see things differently OR THEY WOULD NEVER BEHAVE THAT WAY. That is not about justifying behavior it is about dealing with REALITY that there are people like that in the world that touch our lives & we need to deal with it the way we need to for our own well being
Like I said you and I can agree to disagree.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Mendingmysoul
Grand Member
 
Mendingmysoul's Avatar
Mendingmysoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
3 yr Member
807 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 25, 2022 at 01:28 PM
  #17
Behaviours are so mysterious sometimes.I do not justify hurtful behaviours,but we will have to accept that some people are dysfunctional and never selfreflect about their own hurtful ways.They simply do not care about how the things they say or do might impact others.I will give you an example of my own experience. When I was in middle school, there was this guy around my age,went to different school,but somehow used to come to my parents house.I think he befriended my parents because he had a crush on me back then.He started talking to me and mirroring me.He told me he liked to sketch, when he found out I liked to and bought supplies and we sketched together.He was just coming to my place and were doing some innocent harmless things in the living room,in my parents presence.After six months we moved to a different town.After 15 years or so,he landed in the new town and again befriended my parents.by this time I had moved out and this guy started calling me.He stalked me and started inappropriate conversations.He called my landlord and told that me and him were a thing back then.A blatant lie.we were both 11 or 12 when we sketched together. We were not a couple.He had my number and address. I called my parents and told them all of this.Any healthy parent would worry about their daughter's well-being. My parents said that I do not like this guy,but they do enjoy his presence.He is a nice guy according to them.They continued their relationship with him to this day.They helped him financially too.He is one of the faux son.
Mendingmysoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
EagleTears
Member
EagleTears Tired
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default May 25, 2022 at 04:14 PM
  #18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts View Post
Like I said you and I can agree to disagree respectfully with each other. I don’t need to agree with you just because that’s what you believe. I don’t agree with you. And I don’t need to. So you can’t tell me what to do.

In essence you’re acting just like she does. You do not get to tell other people what to think or believe.

That is perfectly OK that you disagree with me on an emotional level. I understand that people are uneasy with the concept of using the device... however it's not a good idea to become judgemental... send
unsolicited unproven emotionally driven articles to change someones dog training method that maybe working for their dogs.. What if the woman is seeing a dog trainer.. what gives you the right to get in the way because you emotionally disagree with the method being used? Do you personally know this persons dog? Are you a dog trainer? Have this person came to you for dog training advice? Most likely not.


I'm not trying to argue with you... just that sometimes we need to mind our own business if we want to get long with people. From your post this woman became quite annoyed by the article that you sent her... she didn't ask for it yet you did it anyways.
EagleTears is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
eskielover, Rive.
Anonymous43372
Guest
Anonymous43372 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 25, 2022 at 11:26 PM
  #19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul View Post
Behaviours are so mysterious sometimes.I do not justify hurtful behaviours,but we will have to accept that some people are dysfunctional and never selfreflect about their own hurtful ways.They simply do not care about how the things they say or do might impact others.

I will give you an example of my own experience. When I was in middle school, there was this guy around my age,went to different school,but somehow used to come to my parents house.I think he befriended my parents because he had a crush on me back then.He started talking to me and mirroring me.He told me he liked to sketch, when he found out I liked to and bought supplies and we sketched together.

He was just coming to my place and were doing some innocent harmless things in the living room,in my parents presence.After six months we moved to a different town.After 15 years or so,he landed in the new town and again befriended my parents.by this time I had moved out and this guy started calling me.

He stalked me and started inappropriate conversations.He called my landlord and told that me and him were a thing back then.A blatant lie.we were both 11 or 12 when we sketched together.

We were not a couple.He had my number and address. I called my parents and told them all of this.Any healthy parent would worry about their daughter's well-being. My parents said that I do not like this guy,but they do enjoy his presence.He is a nice guy according to them.They continued their relationship with him to this day.They helped him financially too.He is one of the faux son.
To your point that some people are dysfunctional and never sel reflect about their own hurtful ways - I agree with you. And the woman this thread is about, definitely doesn't
self-reflect...at least she never did with me. She just doesn't care about how her actions
and words impacted me during our yearlong friendship.

That guy in your anecdote sounds extremely manipulative and divisive. That's odd that your parents can't see through him, based on the way he stalked you and tried to get you in trouble with your landlord. I wonder how he has continued to fool them for so
long, that they consider him a faux son, esp. since he stalked you. Sorry to hear that.

I don't know how she acts with other people but she definitely never respected me, based on how I felt after any online or phone call interaction with her. I always felt
drained aftward, which in hindsight is a red flag that she was not a good person.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EagleTears View Post
That is perfectly OK that you disagree with me on an emotional level. I understand that people are uneasy with the concept of using the device... however it's not a good idea to become judgemental... send unsolicited unproven emotionally driven articles to change someones dog training method that maybe working for their dogs.. What if the woman is seeing a dog trainer.. what gives you the right to get in the way because you emotionally disagree with the method being used? Do you personally know this persons dog? Are you a dog trainer? Have this person came to you for dog training advice? Most likely not.

I'm not trying to argue with you... just that sometimes we need to mind our own business if we want to get long with people. From your post this woman became quite annoyed by the article that you sent her... she didn't ask for it yet you did it anyways.
So, reread this post you wrote. Here's what I observed:

1. You accuse me of being judgmental, then also judge me.
Pot calling the kettle black.

2. You tell me that my opinion is wrong because it's uninformed and because I'm not a dog trainer like you are.
That's called gaslighting.

3. You tell me I'm emotional and not allowed to have an opinion.
That's called gaslighting.

Do you think that approach - the gaslighting and judging - makes me open to any advice you have to offer? No, it doesn't. It actually makes you come across very aggressive and projecting on me, which I don't appreciate and am not going to take on.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 26, 2022 at 09:43 PM
  #20
It doesn’t sound like this person is a good match for you as a friend. She constantly disappoints you and you end up feeling invalidated.
Open Eyes is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
NatalieJastrow
 
Thanks for this!
NatalieJastrow, unaluna
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:09 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.