Breaking Away From a Sociopath...Help.

For the past almost year, I have been in a relationship with what I believe a sociopath. I can't diagnose him, but he fits most of the characteristics. He recently got out of jail for probably the 6th time and he was pressuring me to find a place to live and have him live with me. He just recently got a job because I pushed him to do so and a good friend of mine did a favor for me and hired him. Prior to this job, he had no substanial work history.

He is 37 years old, legally married (filed for divorce recently again because I pushed it and made sure he did it), has 2 kids that he has not seen in over a year (wife's fault according to him...I don't buy that). He also dropped out of high school and did not get his GED. I have 2 master's degrees and I am a professional woman. I tried to look past our differences and what everyone told me about how he was no good and using me, but I was stupid and put that aside because I love him. After he got out of jail, I believe he relapsed on drugs. He lies to me constantly about talking to other women and thinks I am jealous because I told him I did not feel comfortable with some of the people he was talking to or things he was doing. He has a very sketchy past when it comes to being unfaithful. I tried to look past his sketchy and criminal past and help him change and do better.

For 6 months of our relationship, he was in jail. I supported him and talked to him everyday trying to keep him positive. My entire family cannot stand him and said he has been using me from day 1. I have went into substantial debt because of him. He makes me feel like all of this is my fault. He lashes out on me all the time if I catch him in a lie. He turns all of what he has done on me. I may be somewhat jealous and insecure, but I do have good reasons to be. I recently found out I am pregnant and told him we could work through this and start over and fresh. Then when I went to talk to him about it, I saw some things that suggested he had another female over previously. When I brought it up and asked him about it (did not accuse), he got all loud and yelling at me. He grabbed my purse and shaked me. I told him to not contact me again. After that, he continued to message me. I tried to ignore him but gave in and said we can work this out because of the baby, he then said he does not want to because I am "crazy and a whacko." He then said he would give me money for abortion. I am so upset and I don't know what to do. I don't want to raise the child alone and I don't know if he would even be a fit father with his past and his relationship (lack of) with his current kids. He continues to yell and stalk his wife because she will not let him see the kids alone because they don't feel comfortable with that since they have not seen him in over a year. I am sorry this post is so long...I just really need someone to talk to and offer me some advice. I am 36 years old and have no previous children. Thank you for reading.

Are you definitely having the baby? This man is not fit to be a father. His own current family won't allow him to be alone with kids. This man is a trainwreck and you want to make it work? If you're deadset on having the baby, do it without him. Can you get your family's help and support? I would kick him out asap. He is no good.

I see you are in the US. On a private computer, I suggest looking at the website womenslaw.org
This site lists resources by state that I believe you need based on the situation you have described.

Your priority needs to be your health and safety. Please don't wait to find support and assistance to safeguard your wellbeing. I wish all the best.

I do not know what I am going to do. I am just very upset over everything.

The longer you are with him, the more misery you will have.

Just leave him.

There are so many red flags in this relationship from the very beginning. Don't do your child the disservice of having such a man in their life.

Thank you. I agree. It is just hard when there are feelings involved and my current situation I am in.

Feelings fade over time. I know from personal experience that healing from a whirlwind of emotion can happen. I also know that some people are very skilled at invoking feelings in others.

This man sounds very much like someone I am grateful I no longer know but I loved very deeply. Sadly, we cannot fix, change or manage how another person behaves. We must accept the person they demonstrate to be and let go of our own fantasies about them.

He’s counting on those “feelings” to manipulate you

Thank you. I know in time I will be fine. It just breaks my heart that someone could he so cruel.

Feelings can cloud a person's perspective. You have to be very objective here in your assessment of this man as a father figure and partner. He hasn't been a good partner and he has a very sketchy past. He will disappoint you and will hurt you as a partner and he will disappoint you as a father figure. If you had a girlfriend, daughter or sister who had a partner just like yours, what would your advice be?

Your title in this thread states he is a sociopath.... and you mention this in your post. So why go down this road with someone you believe to be sociopathic? Sure, you can have feelings, but be objective. He is no good, and the sooner you get away from this man the better.

You also have to ask yourself what your standards are in men. Are your standards so low that this is what you are willing to accept in a man and partner? You have two masters degrees and are clearly accomplished. This man is a jailbird bum with no work history - you had to push him to get a job even and he's resorted to drugs. And he lies to you. Why put yourself through this?

This would be an excellent question to explore with a therapist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holly Golightly 3 Thank you. I agree. It is just hard when there are feelings involved and my current situation I am in.

Maybe you need to work on in therapy why you could have feelings for a person like this in the first place. With the list of things you gave, I would have turned & walked away before any feelings ever could have occurred but then I never have immediate feelings for someone. Feelings come with time & getting to know someone. Infatuation is an immediate feeling but NOT based on reality. This would be some critical stuff to work on in therapy

Don't you believe you deserve a partner who reciprocates your love and is there for you? You may love him but you are throwing your love away because it is not returned.

I would also explore what you expect from relationships because you are willing to stay with a 'sociopath' and even have a child with him. This is the 'role model' your child will grow up with, if you stay.

I believe you would be at risk of having your child removed from your care, if you are with him.