Time to break up with my last friend?

I have one friend left. She has problems. She started calling me during the pandemic. But after a little while of this I stopped answering.. she downright lost her mind and called like 50 times in a night so I figured I should probably just talk to her. I assumed when I went back to work she would stop. But she hasn't. Now I am hoping when she goes back she will stop.

I have accepted my role as listening to her even if I think a lot of what she says is wrong. And if I am not interested in something I hear I just brush it off.

But last night, she did it, she pushed me over the edge... I told her one thing, one thing that means a lot to me and she meanly dismissed it like I was nerotic. Sort of insulting me in the process. The issue is, it is clear now, I am not supposed to talk, and if i try to, it will be met with rudeness. This happens a lot with friends- at first, when they are on their best behavior they listen... when they start taking you for granted they don't want to hear anything you want to talk about.

I have always had a "switch" with friends and when they push me too far, I drop them... my switch has been activated. I can't just drop her for a lot of reasons...
1. She is a trusted co worker who I sometimes need for help.
2. She knows every last nasty thing I have ever said.
3. She the last person in the area I could call if I was dead.

She has a history of this. She used to have a best friend where she worked who she tells me now has stopped talking to her. One reason I tried to be there for her. But I think what happens is she calls all the time and complains about her troubles... but really 99% of her troubles are her own fault and you can't really offer her any help because she doesn't want it.

One recent thing is that she got a review that was only good, not excellent. I got excellent. She is upset about this but I can't see why from a purely logic point of view. Both of us have been there so long we can't get raises. So it really makes no difference. She says it makes a difference if she wants to apply for another job but she did get an excellent last year so it isn't as if she would have a hard time moving on. She is angry that they are going to give her a new job -- which will mean a *slight* reduction in pay. (but I worked it out and after taxes in a lower tax bracket she will be about the wage I a have) I do get that. But the new job will be so much less work... I told her I am jealous. She has this job, to be fair, because of her behavior. Her prior behavior got her fired. We both had bad bosses but during her time, she was written up by one, and got fired by another. Even though I had a bad boss... worse than hers.. I never was written up and all my reviews were excellent. So yes, it makes sense that management is going to treat me slightly better.

She is just not being honest about herself. I am willing to be supportive but it is starting to launch into illogical thinking and she is so consumed with her perceived slights, you better not talk about what is going on with you!

At this point I think I do have to nicely tell her to stop calling so much. I have to go back to work next week for 3 weeks, one of the longest time periods. I am going to tell her that because I can't really talk on the train, (pre pandemic they had a quiet car -- I will tell her that has gone back into effect) she shouldn't call.

I just wish I knew why this always happens. After someone talks to me for a while they just lose all respect for me.

I wouldnt say she lost respect for you. She doesnt even respect herself. So she "loves" you as she loves herself.

Yes, she doesn't care about herself.

Her family treats her horribly because they can. She will do anything they ask of her. She is like their willing slave.

But, worse is that she won't take care of her health. She has smoked for 30 years and will often tell me she isn't going to live long due to that. But she drinks and she eats too much. So it is a bad fit when I say anything about my health because she doesn't care at all about hers.

I get it, her mom has cancer and so she is a partial caretaker and that is horrible but, I did this terrible thing with my own parents like 10 years ago.

Even more reason then that she should take this less hectic job and get her life in order.. but I think she likes the hectic job so she won't have to look at the mess of her own life... and that is why she fears it so and IMHO irrationally doens't want to look at it.

My pay is public record as well but we are encouraged to not share our reviews as it might breed resentment. My reviews are always excellent and I don’t want people to know that because someone who doesn’t have a good review might feel bad. In addition if I didn’t get a good review, I’d not want to know who got good ones because I’d probably be hurt.

I do understand that it’s your choice to share but it seems that it caused anger and resentment in your “friend”. It’s not uncommon. People don’t want to know that someone does so much better than them.

She didn’t really strike me as a friend though but rather as unhinged co worker. No one normal calls 50 times until you pick up. She is unstable.

Honestly if someone who considers me a friend said I should not be upset I didn’t get an excellent review while they did or that I shouldn’t be upset I got a lower paid job, I’d be very taken aback. I’d consider it’s unsupportive. It sounds that both of you aren’t good friends for each other or maybe aren’t friends at all. Sounds like very competitive co workers at best.

I don’t want you to think you are being scolded or anything but this kind of stuff sure would ruin friendship. If there ever was any friendship to begin with. It doesn’t sound like you like or respect her at all so why be friends?

I don't blame you for wanting to end this friendship. She sounds toxic. Tell her she needs to get into some kind of counseling.

Your friend needs a time-out preferably with a restraining order and telephone number change. What you would do,, well, none of that as she might get aggressive toward you. I've seen things so I tend to think about risks like that. Try moderate adjustments of your schedule and convenient use of your CID.

Yeh there is something wrong with her. I did get her to only call me 2x this week.
She just keeps repeating the same thing... that isn't true. She keeps going on that management needs to tell her this or that... and I keep telling her they do not.

It is really striking how she thinks she is in charge.

She was supposed to go back to work this week in person... she called out sick on her in person day. Well that is really going to help her!!

She is just really wrong on everything but if I was to tell her the truth that would be the end of the friendship and frankly, I need her.

The truth hurts... I suppose that is not my obligation to tell her the truth... but on the other had it is difficult to listen to her.

Ok I finally addressed this directly. She was calling me daily and one night she didn't because she had to do something and she was telling me that... so I told her... I have been meaning to talk to you about this... and told her we shouldn't talk every night.

I tried to be as easy as possible and said I was running out of things to say and when that happens I put my foot in my mouth....

I am pretty sure she is going to react badly... but... she seemed ok.