Does my mon neglects my health and emotional needs ao I wan too much?

LittleDalia · Jun 15, 2022 at 03:54 PM

Hi!
English is NOT my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes.
Of course all names here are fake (mine too)
I (Dalia, F27) have Cerebral Palsy because I was born premature. Till now I went to Physical Therapy Camps. They were 700 km away from my home. I met there five years ago a Paul ( M,now 35) who was physiotherapist there. He made me walk with my crutches again and now we are on good road to walk without crutches (When I met him first time I was partly in wheelchair) also we quickly became friends. We both introverts who loves Japan and brain neurology so we start get along well He was first person who hugged me in my life ( of course that hugs never been sexual) we talked about everything, we laughed, we cried, we danced, we ate Japanese food, we even danced and we still have many subjects to talk about! He even call me “his own kid” When two years ago he became couple with Ada (F, 27 now) who also was Physical Therapist in the same camp thing went even better, because I became good friends with her, and in that times I started go to their place for dinners when there was free days in my camps. We also even today we have regular contact at messenger.
When I was in camp in last march They said that quit their job and start new job in place only 300 km away for me, but their new place job is not camp, but they said I can go there for therapy for camp like session of PT but I have to rent a flat for short time. I was depressed back then because I was sure I will never see then again. I still need help in my daily life and my caretaker is mostly my mom (F53) and I was sure she won’t agree. But I was wrong! She was happy that we have great therapist closer and she was sure I will find good flat or hotel. So I was the most happy person alive back then.
Month after they started their new job I decided to register for a camp. I was stupid that first I for a camp then I started looking for flat, but that's my mistake.
I found good hotel that I thought was close, but I made mistake again I checked route for car, not for walk. My mom only can drive around our countryside and nearby town and strongly refuse to drive around big city. I decided to looking for flat in Airbnb App, I saw one, But I could not rent it because my payment card doesn't support mobile/internet payment. It is my mistake again because many years ago didn't choose my bank wisely. So my friends saw that I can’t deal with renting flat so they said they can look for flat and pay for it and I will give them money back in cash. Both my mom and I were more than happy. Ada found for us flat in last minute, but I we would have to take one bus about 10 minutes to get to their job place from flat. For me it’s not a problem I can go into bus with only light help. but my mom refused go to help because she is afraid of begin lost. She even refused when Ada and Paul wanted to take first ride in bus together with them – They wanted to show us that here is nothing afraid to be afraid of. She also refuse to have flat more far away than 10 minutes from PT place. From Ada I know that would be hard to find that type of flat. I thought all of it come because my mom had strong back pain, but two days ago she said to thanks to her new medicines back pain is done for good. Sadly I had to chancel my camp with tears in my eyes , but my friends are still open to help me in any way they could.
I have to go to bank to make my payment card support internet payments, but my mom had no time for me.
My bank has rule that we have to make new payment card every two years. When my new card came I decided to activate that in my own, but I wanted activate internet/mobile payments, I went too emotional, I wrote my login and password wrong three times then my card went blocked. I can’t go in that week to bank because there we have religious holidays in that week.
My mom still want me to go another camps that her friends go with their own kids, because she wants to be with her friends again. She mostly listen to one friend that said we should go for let’s call it “X camp” we went there and it was terrible. Every times she talk about other camp I get angry and says that will never go anywhere then.
I have two brothers (M35,M20) but they do not like me very much, they says I’m lazy because I am slow, and because I don’t have normal life like other girls at my age (like husband and kids) and they think I wan too much from my mom because I know from my younger bro that my mom often says to both of them That she wish she had normal daughter who coud help and home. She also says to them she go to camps for me, not because she wants me to walk better, but because wants to have peace and some free time. My dad is alcoholic so he is not help.
My onnly other friends other than Ada and Paul is girl who is in wheelchair so she can not be my caretaker too.
Does my mom neglect my health needs or am I begin too sensitive ?
Sorry for long post!

Skeezyks · Jun 17, 2022 at 03:26 PM

Hello LittleDalia: I noticed this is your first post here on MSF so... welcome to the forums.

I hope you find them to be of benefit.

You asked if your mom is neglecting your health needs or if you're being too sensitive. I don't know as I have a really good answer for you on that. (Perhaps it's a little bit of both?) It sounds as though your situation is a bit complicated. (Mother / daughter relationships tend to be complicated anyway even without the addition of a disability.) Plus I see you list yourself as living in Poland. So I don't know what types of services are available to you there.

I did note (I believe) you mentioned you are 27. And at that age, if you lived where I live, I think the discussion that would be most relevant would be with regard to what services you need in order to prepare yourself to live as independently as possible without having to rely on your mother. But perhaps where you live that's not a realistic option for you? I don't know. Perhaps other MSF members may have some thoughts they'll wish to share. Best wishes...

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