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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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6 3,626 hugs
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#1
My father was diagnosed with a terminal and incurable lung disease 8 months ago. His doctor at the time told him it isn't a death sentence. Though, it turned out to be. Just 7-8 months later, he was rushed to the emergency room, then was given a hospital bed, then quickly went downhill over the course of two weeks, then passed away. It happened so very fast. I am still trying to make sense of this. A week ago, he was hoping he could go home and still be able to take a trip to France in the Fall. And now, now, he's just gone.
He was a man who took great care of his physical health. His disease is the result of second hand smoke, from when his mother smoked while he grew up. He could have lived well into his nineties, if it weren't for this disease. He lived until the age of 81. I watched him die in the hospital, while I held one of his hands, and my mother held the other. They removed the oxygen, upon his request, and he died an hour later. It is an experience that will forever be stamped in my memories. It was pretty horrific to experience that first-hand, but I felt my mother needed someone to be there with her and I didn't want her to go through it alone. She is very thankful I was there. But the image of him, lying there lifeless? WOW. I am trying to shake it and cannot. During this time while he was hospitalized and sick, I had some mixed emotions based on a difficult childhood. My father wasn't the greatest dad when I was a kid. He was emotionally unavailable so I felt neglected, he was very self centered and overly critical of us kids. He was seriously harsh towards me, and it deeply effected my self esteem to the point of my getting involved in many abusive relationships as an adult and getting an eating disorder too. Years and years later, I decided I had to forgive him, and luckily, as an adult, he became a much better father to me/us. He softened and became less self centered and more caring. And now, there's just a big hole in my life because he's gone. He filled an important space for me. I will miss him dearly. Thanks for reading. Any supportive and comforting words are welcome. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Albatross2008, AliceKate, ArmorPlate108, BeyondtheRainbow, Bill3, Discombobulated, FloatThruThis, Gingernutx, lizardlady, MuddyBoots, nonightowl, poshgirl, RollercoasterLover, Starlingflock, Travelinglady, UnawareBS, WovenGalaxy
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FloatThruThis, UnawareBS
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,627
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#2
I am sorry for your loss. Watching him go must have been traumatic for you. It's a comfort to know your relationship was mended before then.
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Have Hope, UnawareBS
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
given |
#3
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3, UnawareBS
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Member
Member Since Apr 2021
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 315
3 58 hugs
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#4
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your strength and courage in those last moments to give love and support to your mother and father is wonderful gift to give them.
I know I'm a stranger. Is it ok with you if I light a candle for your father? |
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Have Hope, UnawareBS
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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6 3,626 hugs
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#5
Quote:
I’m so touched by your gesture. Yes please feel free and light a candle for him. In gratitude, M __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3, UnawareBS
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 47,991
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#6
Have Hope, I know what it's like to lose a father. It's hard. My dad passed suddenly, with our having little warning. He'd had a heart attack and was in the hospital, but we thought he would pull through. He was 77. That was many years ago, (I am 67 now.)
I still miss him, just like you'll always miss your dad. Hang on to your good memories of him, dear one. He'll always be special that way. |
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Bill3, Have Hope, lizardlady, nonightowl, UnawareBS
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Have Hope
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Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 153
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#7
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hopefully, in time you can take comfort knowing his suffering is over. |
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Have Hope, UnawareBS
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Have Hope
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Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: England
Posts: 136
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#8
I’m sorry for your loss.
It is very hard watching a parent pass away. My mother died suddenly 10 years ago, I got to the hospital just in time. I often think of those last moments and cry. Glad that you had forgiven your father and he was much better towards you. |
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Have Hope, UnawareBS
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
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#9
Quote:
I have many good memories of my father. My favorite memory is of a battle he had with a yard gopher, who was eating his flowers and plants. I found my dad one morning in his underwear at 6 am, with a sling shot, trying to stun the gopher and scare it away. At the time, it was pretty funny to witness. My dad tried all sorts of measures to get the gopher to leave... it was like the movie, Caddie Shack. lol. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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poshgirl, Travelinglady, UnawareBS
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nonightowl
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
given |
#10
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3, UnawareBS
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
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#11
Quote:
Yes, it's a blessing that I was able to forgive him and that he was much better towards me as I grew older. It helps me to feel better overall about our relationship. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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UnawareBS
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Member
Member Since Jun 2022
Location: Hillsboro, OR
Posts: 191
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#12
Please accept my sadness for your loss. It is a blessing you could be there in your mom's final time on the earth. It had to be a conclusion for your earthly relationship.
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
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#13
It sounds like you have been a source of strength and peace to your father and mother. I am praying that you may have that strength and peace for yourself as well, to comfort and console you now and in the coming days and weeks.
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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#14
Loss of a parent is so sad. So sorry How is your sister taking it? I hope you can support each other in this sad journey? How is your mom?
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
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#15
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3, poshgirl
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Bill3, UnawareBS
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
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#16
Quote:
My mom will need our company in the next coming weeks and months. I am prepared to switch gears a bit to spend more time with mom. She told me before he died that she had never been alone in her life. This will be a HUGE adjustment for mom, so I want to make sure she doesn't fall into a deep depression. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3, poshgirl
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Bill3, UnawareBS
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Birmingham UK
Posts: 603
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#17
So sorry to hear of your loss.
It's good that you can recall so many memories of him. The vision of dealing with the gopher made me smile |
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,011
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#18
Sorry for your loss Have Hope... that is a lot to hold - from his sudden passing to the conflicted feelings from growing up. I hope you have a space to talk to a support person in your life
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Have Hope
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Bill3, Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
given |
#19
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
given |
#20
Quote:
I can speak with my mother about it and did a little today. It was cathartic to talk about it. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3
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