[Lostislost]

My friend has just got his first girlfriend ever in his life (he's 36) and wants me to meet her tomorrow....I really don't want to as she has completed the same uni course that I got rejected for, is really social has loads of friends etc. She is outspoken about her abuse, where I am quite private about mine. I know meeting her will just make me feel even worse about myself, and I'm already in a pretty fragile place.

Just feel like such a **** for not wanting to go, seeing as he's never been with anyone before. I don't know what to do.

[Yaowen]

I'm so sorry you are in that situation. It is very similar to one I was in before, so my heart goes out to you. Wish I knew what to say to help. I usually prioritize my mental health over other concerns but sometimes feel bad about it.

A psychiatrist taught me a technique for dealing with uncomfortable social situations although it is a bit over the top. He suggested I use my imagination as a tool. His advice was to imagine that I was from another planet here on the earth to observe human behavior. I would go into unwelcome social situations with the ulterior motive of collecting data on human behavior. He said that this would take the pressure off of me to be a certain way around others. I tried it a couple of times and it got me through some rough spots, socially speaking. Not suggesting that this is something that would be helpful to you or others, just sharing what helped me.

I hope you will be okay whatever you finally decide to do.

[divine1966]

That’s just meeting someone’s significant other socially. It doesn’t need to be about yours or hers abuse history. It wouldn’t even be a topic of the discussion. Not appropriate. Also I don’t think you need to be feeling bad about yourself. Just focus on the fact that your friend wants you to meet this lady, so it’s something you doing for him

[Have Hope]

Making social comparisons as such are the thief of joy and happiness in life. Try not to compare yourself to her in any way and try to do this as a favor and a nice gesture for your friend who wants you to meet his very first girlfriend. It may be important to him for you to meet his new girlfriend, and it usually is a big deal for someone to introduce their girlfriend to their closest friends. And like divine says, abuse doesn't need to be a topic of conversation and really shouldn't be. BUT if she does bring it up, you can politely change the subject to something more light hearted. I would go ahead and meet her, and put your own worries to the side.

[Lostislost]

Thanks all, I did go to meet them and it was nice. She was lovely and I didn't feel like comparing myself at all. I know I have these thoughts as I am not happy with myself at the moment, but I'm glad I went.

[UnawareBS]

Originally Posted by Lostislost

Thanks all, I did go to meet them and it was nice. She was lovely and I didn't feel like comparing myself at all. I know I have these thoughts as I am not happy with myself at the moment, but I'm glad I went.

Are you saying you aren't happy with yourself physically or were you thinking you had some type of guilt?