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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
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#21
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I myself suffer from narcissistic abuse and ptsd. I have been learning about this in therapy. I now look for the red flags and distance. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#22
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But if you want to continue trying, could you fake it until you make it? I mean try to be nice for a bit longer and see where it leads. Being nasty is easier but it sure will lead to lonely life. Good and smart women will not be falling for it. Young girls might. As women mature they have less interest in bad behaviors. Smart independent women won’t stick around BS. You’ll be alone. If you could fake being nice for long enough, might it become a second nature? Also therapists often advice to go for a completely different type than you normally go for. That helps to break the pattern. You might be going for ditzy girls who fall for your tricks. Look for high value women. Less focus on looks and charisma. More on depth. |
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Bill3
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#23
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#24
It’s possible that this hate is actually fear. Does that sound right?
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UnawareBS
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*Beth*, UnawareBS
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BigBubba
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#25
Sure, I don't deny I'm embarrassed when I think about my past. Not having sex until 25. No serious relationships until now (I'm 27). Being a suicidal wreck at 21. Allowing my mother to step on me. I think girls could think less of me because of that and so I try to tread lightly and keep the safe distance. But you know I can't fix those problems unless you give me time travel machine
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Open Eyes
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Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
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Location: Northeast USA
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#26
Often if a person experiences fear and anger they will do things to avoid experiencing hurt and rejection.
It sounds like you experienced something bad that convinced you that you are not good enough to be part of a certain group of people. You developed some patterns of behavior where you gain access but you still experience discomfort so you put them in the bad guy role so you can reject them before you get rejected. Doesn’t that fit what you experience that you want to fix? |
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*Beth*
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BigBubba
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#27
Group of people like girls I can have romantic relationship with?
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Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#28
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It’s true that you can’t change the past. It’s better to educate yourself about how these experiences do happen and how the teen years can be painful and it’s something many have challenges from. It doesn’t have to be carried for your entire life. Just because you were not sexually active doesn’t mean failure when younger either. |
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UnawareBS
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AliceKate
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#29
I think - if your therapist wasn’t a specialist - that you need a therapist who has specific expertise in treating narcissism. I don’t see the behavioral patterns as being something that will change on its own. You need a specific type of behavioral therapy that addresses the behaviors while also addressing the underlying traumas. None of us here are therapists and none of us can really help to affect true change. That’s my two cents.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#30
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BigBubba
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#31
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Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#32
I understand as that’s my challenge yet I suffer from ptsd. I think it’s good that you have talked about things that hurt you and things that still challenge you and can trigger you.
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UnawareBS
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BigBubba
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#33
How would you approach this problem if you were me? I mean you've got the whole picture as I've described it above and I can tell you feel what I'm dealing with. Maybe your vision would give some new perspective.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#34
I think that it can help if you adjust your inner dialogue. It’s not women you hate it’s how uncomfortable you feel right now about them. You anticipate a possible rejection so you set things up to fail. Too afraid to lose so you find a way to end the game and avoid playing it out.
The positive for you right now is that you are willing to self reflect. I saw a lot of abuse and bullying growing up. I saw the hurt it caused and I decided that I would not be mean and bully. You can feed the fear and develop into engaging in dysfunctional patterns to maintain a sense of power and control or you can work towards being ok with being vulnerable at times. |
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AliceKate
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Biba_yu
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#35
I may have similar problem. I was abused, and sexually harassed by boys in middle school since I was 12. Every day was hell, and I was just a child, and I didn't understand why they do that. It was long time ago, in 80s so there was no social conscience about SH in schools, and no one reacted. I complained no one cared.
And I felt guilty and like something is wrong with me for so so long. I think I still feel that way. So now, I push away relationship with men. Sadly I am straight so I have no alternative, but as soon as some man is interested I start to resent him and detach. I stayed with one boyfriend longest maybe because he was basically unattainable, I would and will never have him. All other relationships I sabotaged quite fast. I feel sometimes resent towards men. Sometimes, I see them as animals. I've been s. harassed a lot later in life too. It's hard to recover after you have been abused it leaves a mark. I would like to help you but I have same problem and don't know how to solve it. I am very aware only minor percent of men are abusers or dangerous but I can't help this. |
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Anonymous32448, Bill3, nonightowl, Open Eyes
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BigBubba
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#36
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Biba_yu
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#37
I tried therapies multiple times, but so far, no luck. I tried to give a chance to dating, I was even married once and it never worked. I overthink everything, I get scared, start to get paranoid, and I just can't stay. I think it might be because I was abused by those boys, but who knows? Maybe I am just "damaged person"?
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Anonymous32448, Bill3
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Grand Magnate
AzulOscuro
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#38
Were you diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? You don’t sound to me like one.
I mean it’s clear that your self-esteem is damage since you are projecting hate onto women, the hate you have for yourself, but a personality disorder is very serious. It’s not the same to have some traits and have the disorder. In the former you are more likely to see these patterns you describe. And the possibilities to cure are much higher. What are we dealing with? __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Magnate
rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#39
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AzulOscuro, Bill3, Open Eyes
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Marie123
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#40
Actually more men are abusers....1 in 3 women will be abused in their lifetime...by men.
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