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AzulOscuro
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Default Aug 02, 2022 at 07:19 PM
  #1
I have social phobia as you can see on my signature. So, my social interactions have been for a long long time reduced or limited to very closed people (very small group) and to my kids at school, sometimes to my kids’ parents and my coworkers of course but these two last interactions occurred only when I see myself forced and they were as a rule, not very successful experiences. 😢

The thing is that now that I’m opened up to interact and have a conversation with new people, I’m realising that there are many things that I didn’t know or experienced.
It doesn’t mind. I’m open to learn. But, I now understand why in the past I triggered discussions or made people to have a hard time. Of course, my family and the few friends who dared to cope with me. 😂

It’s not that closed people didn’t explain to me “this is like that, or these things works as such”
For instance, my partner is extremely sociable so he usually tells me and gives me advices of what it’s more convenient for me to do outside home or when I have to be cautious or avoid a certain person. But, I’m afraid humans learn more from experience than for what they are said.

So far, I’ve learnt two things:

- It’s true that saying, hunt with cats and you catch only rats.
- Be cautious when speaking your mind out about certain topics. You have to take into account who you are with and where you are. You better know this before bringing out a certain topic.

I’m thinking that it’s sad. Each time I dislike more how social activity runs but I can’t do anything to change it.
I don’t know…I’m confused about this topic. I don’t know what to think about it.

There’s no question in this thread. I only want to share my new experience and of course, you can, if you feel like, express your opinion. Give me any piece of advise, tell me about your own experiences, etc.

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Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Aug 03, 2022 at 02:26 PM
  #2
Your post is most helpful and I am so glad you shared it. I think you have a very good attitude.

Your post reminds me of a quotation from, I think, Isaac Newton: "Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." Not sure it was Newton who said or originated the saying.

Your post also reminds me of the long history of the idea of "mental reservation." When there is a conflict between the duty to be honest and the duty to be just or charitable, what should be one's priority? That whole discussion is very interesting to me.

During the Holocaust, some Holocaust rescuers hid Jewish people or other hunted minorities in their homes. When the Gestapo or other Nazi police went to their houses they would ask: "Are there any Jews here?"

The Holocaust rescuer might reply in a somewhat deceptive or ambiguous way: "There are no Jews here [meaning right here where I am standing] although to the Gestapo it might be taken to mean that there are no Jews in this house."

Things like this have been extensively debated in philosophy over the centuries. When does one's duty to charity or justice outweigh one's duty to the truth?

Sometimes a group of people can share a set of values while disagreeing how those values ought to be prioritized.

There are many stories of situations like this going back all the way to the Bible and manuscripts from other ancient civilizations, like when Abraham said his wife was his sister to protect her from being murdered.

In less weighty matters, I think it has long been debated about when withholding the truth is a matter of tact.

A case in point might be if a person with a severely disfigured face asks: "Am I ugly" and one thinks that this person is ugly, is one required to expose that person to the naked truth of what one thinks or would be it better to respond in a charitable way, even if such kindness does not do complete justice to the truth?

Of course different philosophers with different axioms and such have different views and their differences have created a very wide range of views.

I can see how one's philosophy would have an effect one's ideas, feelings, moods and attitudes about social relations and social interactions.

I am still learning about such matters and so I haven't reached a final opinion which would not be open to some kind of revision. It would be interesting to know what other people here thought?

I realize that people may not be comfortable sharing their opinions here since this is a support forum and not a philosophical one. To be honest, I am not ready to share how my current thought is trending. I suspect that in these kinds of issues there is some overlap between philosophy and psychology, but maybe I am wrong. I am often wrong about things and am still on my journey!
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Default Aug 04, 2022 at 12:47 PM
  #3
Thank you, @Yaowen!
Very much appreciate your insight.
I liked this quotation by Isaac Newton. I didn’t know it.

The thing is that I always considered myself very empathic but it’s not so much as I thought. I always put my principles over people.
You can’t guess how much hard time I had fighting against “machismo” at home.

Then, a friend from my Primary school decided to join us in a what’s app chat group and when we were recalling each other, I was recalled mainly for being very straight or I could say, cutting or sharp. And they were right. I can recognise myself.

I like to remember a comment by my dear dad: The problem you have is not other than wanting to change the world. 😂

He was right. It may sounds narcissistic, because it is 😂, ordinary talking. Nothing to do with the personality disorder.

I need to not think but feel and breath that people live their circumstances, have their experiences, have their feelings, do the best they can as I do. And in the same way I may feel triggered, they also do. I need to be more empathic with people, especially with the ones I don’t know.

If I always was a lover of the Stoic School of Philosophy. And I love Buddhism principles. It’s clear that I tend to a balance. An equilibrium.

I’m not sure if I’m now saying nonsensical things or I’m going out topic. lol!
I’m still wondering myself so much things.
I’m now a such a moment of chaos. According to the ancient Greeks, it is needed a moment like that to create something new.
I’ll keep recalling it to myself. 😀

Thank you, again. Yaowen.

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)

Last edited by AzulOscuro; Aug 04, 2022 at 03:31 PM..
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Default Aug 05, 2022 at 06:31 AM
  #4
I like to keep it simple. If your talking about “ going out there “ and trying to speak
in public or social situations, follow their lead. I was also taught to never talk about
religion or politics with anybody , unless you know that they are adults and can handle
a discussion without getting hysterical. The more you bring emotion into a conversation
the more it’s likely to decline into a shouting match. Communication is different for different
situations. Also , about truthfulness. You will learn that it doesn’t pay to be always totally
truthful . There are many different scenarios and situations in life that call for some discretion.
If you have confidence in yourself and some self esteem you should be able to communicate
your point of view on the big ( and little ) stages in life.

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Default Aug 05, 2022 at 11:07 AM
  #5
Thank you for your insight, @moodyblue83! 😀

You are very right.
One of the best abilities is to be assertive. Understanding others better and being able to manage situations avoiding to create a conflict without renouncing to your boundaries and as you say, knowing where you are.
Respect is very important.
Thank you a lot!

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Aug 10, 2022 at 10:49 AM
  #6
Hi, again fellas!
Going on with learning social skills, reading a commentary somewhere here about a person not being very lucky, to say it least, giving advice or wanting to solve another person’s problems when they have been not asked for…(sorry, I have the habit to express myself with long paragraphs and I think this is not the usual or it’s not well-seen in English. Not sure), the thing is that the person who exposed his/her problem only wanted to be listened.
Well, after reading this commentary, a light switched on my head.
I tend to do the same when someone tells me about his/her problems. If I know how this person could solve a certain problem, I don’t doubt to tell it. And I even said that even if I don’t know what to say or how to sort it out, I think and think to see if something come out from my head.

I’m considering now that it’s not the right thing to do. This thought never popped into my mind before. Maybe, it’s a habit I acquired in my profession from being a teacher.

I want you to give your opinion and insight about how it’s better to address to these kinds of situations. Are there some moments in which is more appropriated to offer your insight, your help, your two cents as English speaking people usually say?
In case you have an idea it’s better to ask the person if your insight is welcome?
Giving your insight choosing the right words so it won’t seem that you are telling the person what to do? Or simply stay silent and only being an active listener?
So many questions for you. But, you all have been very supportive in this thread so I’m interested in your insight. No matter if you have to tell me a comment that I might not like.
I’m not here to listen to nice things. I want to hear you. Whatever! I’m taking note. 😀
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__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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