advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Mendingmysoul
Grand Member
 
Mendingmysoul's Avatar
Mendingmysoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
3 yr Member
807 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 10, 2022 at 04:03 PM
  #21
I also tend to believe that there is always more to the story than that meets the eye. I am not extreme paranoic, but just a little bit.A lot of times my version of events became true in reality.When I tried to share with people they thought I was reading too much into it.I observe everything around me very carefully, so end up noticing stuff that others donot.
When it goes to extreme levels then may be a problem for relationships.But given how the world is now a days,Pollyanna style of thinking is not good for any one.
Mendingmysoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
eskielover

advertisement
Discombobulated
Grand Magnate
 
Discombobulated's Avatar
Discombobulated has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,638 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
11.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 11, 2022 at 07:17 AM
  #22
Yes I’d agree black and white thinking isn’t good in any scenario - what Mr Bojangles describes sounds to me like an extreme case of black and white thinking, where his wife does not seem at all open to any other possibilities other than the one she believes in.

When you talk about her beliefs in food shortages I can personally see the path of logic she’s following- after all we all experienced that 2 and a half years ago at the start of the pandemic.

I was working in food retail at the time and I can verify there was no supply issue - it was a mass panic which created sudden demand outstripping the availability. Simply put, many people over bought. Yet try as we might myself and my colleagues could not get through to people that everything would be fine as long as they just bought what they needed. It was an education in psychology for us all. At the root of it all was an extreme anxiety- and people influenced each other, we’re social animals.

So in a way your wife may be using recent experience to prepare for the future, she’s seen panic buying and shortages so she’s preparing for it to happen again. There is logic there.

You’re quite right when you say even if a disaster happens her sphere of influence is limited, but she seems to have an urge to prepare, to try to control?

How are you doing Mr Bojangles? We’ve all written quite a lot of different things here, but I’m wondering if any of it has struck a chord with you?
Discombobulated is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
lizardlady
 
Thanks for this!
downandlonely, eskielover, lizardlady, Mendingmysoul
Mendingmysoul
Grand Member
 
Mendingmysoul's Avatar
Mendingmysoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
3 yr Member
807 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 11, 2022 at 10:44 AM
  #23
Yep,it is hard not to be influenced by mass hysteria when it happens.Here people hoarded on toilet tissues. And when I realised stores were going out of toilet rolls soon because of panic buying.I myself went on panic buying and hit every store in my area and bought as many as I could.I couldn't gather many,so was panicking all the time,thinking what do I do if I ran out of toilet paper. I started watching you tube videos on alternate methods and was prepping a lot just in case. I felt relieved I had a patch of lamb's ear in my back yard.LOL.
Mendingmysoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 11, 2022 at 12:04 PM
  #24
I see all your points, girls. But, when a person it’s so focused on a topic, a belief, a matter up to the point that she changes her behaviour or renounces to enjoy or stay present in the other fields of her life, there’s a problem. Not only for the ones around her but also for herself.

I was wondering if she could have been brainwashed.
It happened to many young adults who were brainwashed by the Daesh.
This is very dangerous and very hard to get rid of it unless a trained professional helps her.

You can have even a radical belief but put your friends apart and have less care towards your dear son and husband.

I’d like to ask to @What-the-hell if she is putting a lot effort at trying to convince you of her new ideas.

PS: Sorry the question was for the O.P. @MrBonjangles. lol!

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
MaverickLovesYou
Member
 
MaverickLovesYou's Avatar
MaverickLovesYou Staying positive
 
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: NYC, USA (grew up in Brooklyn)
Posts: 243
3 yr Member
296 hugs
given
Default Aug 20, 2022 at 02:46 PM
  #25
I use to be a conspiracy theorist too but stopped bc we don't have the power to change it anyway & it was affecting me mentally. All that time could be spent on bettering yourself. Bottom line: just live your life
MaverickLovesYou is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
downandlonely
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated, divine1966
AliceKate
Grand Member
 
AliceKate's Avatar
AliceKate has an update
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 yr Member
2,208 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 06:37 AM
  #26
I'm with AzulOscure on that one. Paranoia can be a sign of the onset of schizophrenia, for instance. If you could get her to see a psychiatrist, that might be worth it. Or go see one yourself, perhaps they have some tips for you.

Don't look down on her though. She has a right to her paranoia, even if it messes with both her own, and your and your son's life. I have a friend who left the country with her husband and kids, to live in a country she doesn't speak the language of, because there they can homeschool the kids. They don't want to wear masks, or get vaccinated. The have a fountain in tha garden and a solar system installed to be independent. We talked about her going to therapy (not because of her believes, but because of her abusive childhood), but she fears they will take the kids away. I'm not sure that fear is unreasonable. And I love her, she has every right to think and decide as she does. We talk about all of it. I do agree with some things, also. I am vaccinated, but I don't agree the state has a right to force people to get vaccinated, for instance.

My point is if you are embaraced because of her, that is really your issue, not hers. But it would be good regardless to ensure she is just changing, not heading into serious mental health issues. If you don't want to stay, it is of course your right to leave, but it is not your right to demand she stay the person you married 20 years ago. And you can share custody, of course

__________________
my life explained in two smileys
AliceKate is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 08:53 AM
  #27
I completely disagree - when an issue becomes intrusive to a marriage and life, it's an issue. It's not a matter of whether she has any right. It's that her beliefs are isolating her from friends and family and have become problematic. She is ostracizing everyone from her because of her beliefs. And her beliefs arose after a major life event that impacted her negatively. And I don't think the OP is demanding that she be the same person he married. He wants the person he once loved and she has changed to the point where he can no longer relate to her. That's a problem. If you yourself are a believer in conspiracy theories, then it makes sense that you would defend her right to believe these things. Sure, she has a right I guess, but at what expense? It's ruining her entire life and marriage. That's a problem, so the way I see it SHE'S the problem, not him or what he thinks of this whole situation.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
divine1966
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 09:10 AM
  #28
If you have minor children you can’t possibly argue that you have rights to do absolutely anything regardless how it effects them. That isn’t how it works.

Of course if her paranoia is caused by mental illness then she has a responsibility to seek help and proper treatment. When you become a parent, your rights to do whatever the heck you want are suspended at the very least until their are grown up.

Saying “she has rights for her paranoia even if it messes with her son’s life” is just quite awful. It sounds extremely irresponsible. That’s not how parenthood works at all
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Have Hope
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 09:18 AM
  #29
I agree 100% with divine.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
AliceKate
Grand Member
 
AliceKate's Avatar
AliceKate has an update
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 yr Member
2,208 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 09:35 AM
  #30
I understand and I hear you guys. For the record, I am not a believer in conspiracy theories, I am a believer in everyones right to have an opinion of their own. She has a right to hers, no matter what. I agree that her paranoia (or whatever) causing troubles with the state and the police is an issue and she absolutely has a responsibility not to cause that sort of disruption to her son's life. But she does not have a responsibility towards her son regarding keeping her friends or staying this side of the public opinion. A parent is always also a parent, never solely a parent.

The expense her belief causes her is for her to weigh, not us. That holds true no matter whether it refers to political or religious or any other type of belief.

__________________
my life explained in two smileys
AliceKate is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Stressreleaser
Account Suspended
Stressreleaser has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2022
Location: Toronto
Posts: 13
1 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 09:42 AM
  #31
Going through a tough condition, right?
Stressreleaser is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 10:18 AM
  #32
If a parent is ALIENATING family and friends due to their beliefs, don't you also think that is not being a good role model for a son? Isn't it the parent's responsibility to be a proper and good role model? In my opinion, writing letters to oust the chief of police, blasting social media with your extremist opinions, losing friends to the point of having NONE and alienating your own husband and his family members is NOT being a good or proper role model. Your beliefs in someone having the right to an opinion are harmful, in my opinion. Her opinions and beliefs are to the extreme, and that can actually harm a child's development.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
AliceKate
Grand Member
 
AliceKate's Avatar
AliceKate has an update
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 yr Member
2,208 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 10:34 AM
  #33
Well, we disagree, Have Hope. While I am not saying that believing that Bill Gates is implanting chips in us when we get vaccinated against a fake virus is very helpful(to be clear, I don't think corona is fake at all, nor do I believe Bill Gates to have the power or interest to do such a thing), historically accurate statements (such as the earth being round, not flat) have upon occasion proven to be correct, though they started out as being seen as incorrect. As such I applaud people who think for themselves, even if I don't agree with much of what is currently flaunting social media. I don't care if they are parents. Galileo was a parent. He did us a great service.

I think the current environment is toxic. A democracy grows by promoting it's citizens right to their opinion. The current culture in the west is killing that fundamental atmosphere of open communication and discussion.

__________________
my life explained in two smileys
AliceKate is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 10:38 AM
  #34
Well, we can agree to respectfully disagree then. And I don't think one single conspiracy theory has ever been proven to be correct. Not to my knowledge at least, or else we would all be one.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
AliceKate
Grand Member
 
AliceKate's Avatar
AliceKate has an update
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 yr Member
2,208 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 10:44 AM
  #35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
Well, we can agree to respectfully disagree then.
I like that High Five!

__________________
my life explained in two smileys
AliceKate is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Have Hope
Discombobulated
Grand Magnate
 
Discombobulated's Avatar
Discombobulated has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,638 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
11.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 10:53 AM
  #36
15 Conspiracies That Turned Out to Be True

Note: I’m not supporting belief in conspiracy theories at all and certainly not the context of the OPs family issue but it’s truth that there have been cover ups and lies throughout our history. It’s good to be aware of possibilities imo. There were dishonest things that happened throughout covid too, at least in the UK, a lot of contracts given to politicians associates. If we can see the thought pattern someone might be following we can talk to them about it.

I notice however that the OP Mr Bojangles hasn’t returned to this thread so I’m not sure at this point that it’s helpful to add anything. I do wish him well.
Discombobulated is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
AliceKate, eskielover
AliceKate
Grand Member
 
AliceKate's Avatar
AliceKate has an update
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 yr Member
2,208 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2022 at 11:05 AM
  #37
Here's what my favourite online therapist (and his wife) says about a related subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYGW_8mOVXk

__________________
my life explained in two smileys
AliceKate is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:29 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.