[ZenZeta]

So....this is somewhat of a follow up to my last posts about the great "big mouth dance class" situation.

I ended up joining another class in another city (1.5 hour drive) that I actually enjoy better.

OK... about this title... One of the "gentlemen" in the new class and I exchanged numbers, had a few phone conversations and went out to dinner this weekend.

On the surface he seems OK, but knowing my track record with being "drawn" to narcissists, I'm wondering if I've grown up a bit and am seeing a pattern already or if I'm making him pay for the sins of others (mainly me and making bad choices in partners).

Conversations with him seem a little awkward. I'll ask him a question about himself, he answers. HARD STOP. He doesn't really ask questions about me. The only time he seems to perk up and start talking is if he's talking about himself. So far, I know about 3 of his ex-girlfriends and who doesn't like him in the dance class (red flag????).

I'm listening and taking mental notes. He's attractive, a good dancer, but that's all I got right now. I had kinda assumed he was a player from our first meeting, but I can't READ him. He's not OVERT about whether his intention is to just hook up. He calls and texts regularly (which is sometimes rather silent because I don't want to carry the conversation). He sends me songs that he likes during the day. He even asked me out again which I'm ambivalent about.

We didn't have a "bad" time. He was a gentleman... opened doors for me, pumped gas for me (which he paid for since I drove to the date) -- but that could be a trick, and I did enjoy dancing with him (and other guys) at the open dance social after dinner.

He didn't try to make any "moves" during or at the end of the date which was a relief for me, but this could be part of the reeling in process. He complimented me A LOT, stared at me A LOT, and seemed really excited when the couple in the next booth commented on how "stunning" of a couple we were....

So, Is he doing a "slow version" of love bombing - biding his time before he turns into a monster?

Needless to say, I am going to put some time and space between now and our second date and continue to watch. I dunno. I just don't trust myself in these situations. What say you?

[Yaowen]

The fact that he didn't ask questions about you seems like something of a red flag. Does he ever ask questions about you?

[ZenZeta]

He asked me to "Tell me about yourself..." like an interview... seemed more like a formality. I asked him what he wanted to know about me, and he said he would rather "learn by observing", so he doesn't get my "representative" (translation: try to impress him??)

Something just seems... off

You're ambivalent about him. He kind of sounds like a drag, but also he's being "date sweet." Like opening doors for you. Its also kinda weird to me that 3 of his exes are in the class. He sounds like a player or a serial dater. And maybe you're lonely or have needs of your own? I dont know if he's a narc. I do know it sounds like you aren't too into him and he's raised some flags. I'd pay attention to that.

[divine1966]

I’d go on a second date and see how it goes. Sometimes people are nervous on the first date and aren’t very authentic. His behavior does seem off but no harm in having one more date. Pay attention to things he shares.

People usually reveal themselves early on, we just have to pay attention.

It’s tricky though if you have to keep seeing him in class.

I was thinking too that he could just be awkward. I don't know. A second date to assess, couldn't hurt.

[Molinit]

If it's this much work, it's not a good match.

[Bill3]

I asked him what he wanted to know about me, and he said he would rather "learn by observing",

He will never learn your views, your thoughts, your life story, by "observing".

so he doesn't get my "representative" (translation: try to impress him??)

To my ears, this is an insulting comment.

I'm skeptical of him.

[Rive.]

It sounds more than shyness. He seems too self-involved. I would say, trust your instincts and move to someone else.

[AzulOscuro]

But, it cannot be considered as a first date. I say it because of the comment from some posters about giving him a second date. You already see him at the dance class.
Trust your guts. They don’t lie.

[ZenZeta]

Well... it didn't take long for Mr. Man's true colors to show. PLAYER SUPREME!!! My gut was right. After our first date he started sending me Prince songs with rather explicit lyrics. At first when I questioned why he was sending me inappropriate songs, he told me to relax... that he was a huge Prince fan (as if Prince doesn't have songs with nice lyrics.... "Most Beautiful Girl in the World" anyone)...

Anyway, I put off a second date for a few more uneventful phone conversations (he kept talking about how he had this "reputation" in the dance community as a player followed by "I don't sleep with every woman I talk to...)

... you get the picture BAD NEWS. He grew tired of my lack of response (which I think he initially saw as a challenge) and fizzled out. If people show you who they are... believe them...