I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

divine1966 · Oct 17, 2022 at 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

Once he has your cat he will have a great excuse to stay in touch with you indefinitely.

And you will be strongly tempted to ask how your cat is doing.

Yup. Asking about cats. Visiting with the cats. Then the cats might not feel well so come check on the cats. This won’t end unless you cut the ties. This game with pets is very common in divorce. Like stupid custody share with pets. Just another way to stay relevant

Have Hope · Oct 17, 2022 at 09:09 PM

Wow, I hadn’t thought of it from that angle, but how true is that?!?

divine1966 · Oct 18, 2022 at 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Wow, I hadn’t thought of it from that angle, but how true is that?!?

It’s very true because I know too many people who underwent all kind of issues with that during and post divorce. Usually it’s accomplished by tugging on your heart’s strings.

The worst ones are the ones that insist on 50/50 custody with the pets. You’d be tied to the person for next how many years. If it’s turtle then it might be another hundred years lol

And some let it go until they start harassing you about it years after divorce. My husband and his ex split the cats but she’d not leave him alone demanding the other cat. We were already a couple just not living together yet, the kids told her about me and I suspect that’s why she demanded the other cat so I’d not end up with it. He gave it to her because it was just not worth the fight. She was good with cats, so he didn’t feel too horrible, just sad

Sadly many people do these kind of manipulation with kids all the time but if there are no kids or kids are adults, they’d use pets in their manipulation games

Have Hope · Oct 18, 2022 at 05:53 AM

Unbelievable - well, the third cat is mine and there is no way I am sharing her or letting him take her.

Have Hope · 06:56 AM

Yesterday he seemed to be in a good mood, and was even trying to joke around with me. I think that my texts to his friend makes him feel powerful over me, because I "lost control". This is what I instinctively feel is going on.

Today is moving day. Things are very tense between us. We're snapping at each other.

Oct 18, 2022 at 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Yesterday he seemed to be in a good mood, and was even trying to joke around with me. I think that my texts to his friend makes him feel powerful over me, because I "lost control". This is what I instinctively feel is going on.

Today is moving day. Things are very tense between us. We're snapping at each other.

Do you have someone "on your side" who can be with you while he's there?

Have Hope · Oct 18, 2022 at 09:24 AM

No, I do not. Ugh. The movers are gone but he’s coming back to move more things.

Bill3 · Oct 18, 2022 at 12:06 PM

.

Oct 18, 2022 at 12:47 PM

Is it smaller stuff, like in boxes etc now?

Maybe put the boxes outside for him, or take what you want into one room and shut yourself in until he's gone?

Have Hope · Oct 18, 2022 at 01:01 PM

It’s all smaller stuff. Unfortunately I can’t control what he does. I suggested he get boxes and he agreed. He thinks it will only be a few trips and car loads.

Oct 18, 2022 at 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

It’s all smaller stuff. Unfortunately I can’t control what he does. I suggested he get boxes and he agreed. He thinks it will only be a few trips and car loads.

How many more car loads? I hope his last load is soon

Have Hope · Oct 18, 2022 at 01:44 PM

He said he’ll come here every night until he’s done. I have no idea how many car loads. He thinks just a few.

Oct 18, 2022 at 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

He said he’ll come here every night until he’s done. I have no idea how many car loads. He thinks just a few.

he needs to be giving you a number

Have Hope · Oct 18, 2022 at 03:07 PM

I just asked and he said he doesn’t know. I can’t push him. I have zero control over him.

Oct 18, 2022 at 03:12 PM

*comes over so Have Hope has someone there*

ArtleyWilkins · Oct 18, 2022 at 04:05 PM

I’m the type that I would collect what is left, throw it in boxes, set it by the door, and tell him to come and get it. That’s just me, but I would take control and not give him the excuse to keep dragging the trips out. There is no way he had so much stuff left that it should take multiple days and trips. But I understand if you don’t want to go through his stuff. It just feels like he’s creating one more way to stall: I’d take that power away.

Have Hope · Oct 18, 2022 at 04:31 PM

I understand what you guys are saying, but it's not what I am going or willing to do. He can move all his own stuff, I am not going to pack it up for him, and if it takes a few days, it takes a few days. I had given him until Nov 1 to move out, so that's actually a couple more weeks and I imagine he'll be completely out within one week. Thanks, though, for supporting and wanting to help me!!! I greatly appreciate it.

Oct 18, 2022 at 04:36 PM

As soon as 1st November is here, anything you don't want, send it to the charity shop or put it in the bin or give it away, make sure he knows anything of his that is still in the house on the 2nd November is getting thrown out

divine1966 · Oct 18, 2022 at 06:56 PM

What did movers take if his stuff is still there? Furniture?

Have Hope · 06:17 AM

Yes, all his furniture and boxes that were in storage in our attic were moved. He says his back is trashed and that's why he's not packing more boxes. Like I said, I cannot force him to do anything, which does suck, but it is what it is. He got most of it out yesterday.

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I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

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Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,628 hugs given	Oct 17, 2022 at 09:09 PM #242 Wow, I hadn’t thought of it from that angle, but how true is that?!? __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,628 hugs given	Oct 18, 2022 at 05:53 AM #244 Unbelievable - well, the third cat is mine and there is no way I am sharing her or letting him take her. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,628 hugs given	Oct 18, 2022 at 09:24 AM #247 No, I do not. Ugh. The movers are gone but he’s coming back to move more things. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Oct 18, 2022 at 12:06 PM #248 .

Anonymous32448 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 18, 2022 at 12:47 PM #249 Is it smaller stuff, like in boxes etc now? Maybe put the boxes outside for him, or take what you want into one room and shut yourself in until he's gone?

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,628 hugs given	Oct 18, 2022 at 01:01 PM #250 It’s all smaller stuff. Unfortunately I can’t control what he does. I suggested he get boxes and he agreed. He thinks it will only be a few trips and car loads. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,628 hugs given	Oct 18, 2022 at 01:44 PM #252 He said he’ll come here every night until he’s done. I have no idea how many car loads. He thinks just a few. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,628 hugs given	Oct 18, 2022 at 03:07 PM #254 I just asked and he said he doesn’t know. I can’t push him. I have zero control over him. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Anonymous32448 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 18, 2022 at 03:12 PM #255 comes over so Have Hope has someone there

Anonymous32448 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 18, 2022 at 04:36 PM #258 As soon as 1st November is here, anything you don't want, send it to the charity shop or put it in the bin or give it away, make sure he knows anything of his that is still in the house on the 2nd November is getting thrown out

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,386 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Oct 18, 2022 at 06:56 PM #259 What did movers take if his stuff is still there? Furniture?