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RDMercer
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Old Today at 09:10 AM
  #281
 
Am I OK?

Well, Thanks for asking.

I'm not sure.

There were three days of text messages from my wife to realtors and me, saying the house is still for sale and we are all going to hear from her lawyer, that the house HAS to be sold this month.

I spent a few hours Sunday morning running numbers. With me covering everything as it is right now, not counting cutting her off the phone and insurance, I should be able to carry us all on my pay alone. It will be close. My oldest is in the basement apartment we are building for him now. He offered to pick up the phone bill, and possibly the electric bill, as well as split groceries. With that I'm more than OK. I have a buffer and can pay down credit. He says for him, that means he can still buy a dirt bike this summer

When I look at all her spending, her entire pay barely covered what she was spending on herself each month.

She told me for years about these powerful independent women who were working so hard, some of them working two or three jobs and paying their own way.

Well.... If she stays on her own, that will be her. I told her, these women are strong but no one wants to work three jobs to live in an apartment.

Sometime, probably soon, reality is going to hit. She is going to have to start asking people for money. Her "sisters for life" friends that talked her into all this probably aren't going to let her stay with them.

Her new single friends also told her things like, "You don't need a husband. You can always find men to do things for you. It's easy." I don't think she understands what that means. Men don't fix your car and work on your place and help you move furniture out of the goodness of their hearts. Maybe the first time you ask. After that, there's pay, or there's other expectations.

As for moving ahead with a separation, I can't afford a lawyer AND support the kids, so.... That's that. I've stopped all my legal proceedings.

She also took our youngest to see her new apartment and the new furniture she purchased, and the condo she is buying. She's been out with friends to restaurants and bars quite a lot. I think she's burning through money.

She's going to land back home some time. I'm betting by next month she won't be able to afford her rent. I'm quite apprehensive of what that will look like.

Me and the kids are doing good right now. I'm happy every day. I love being home. I love hearing them laugh, I love working on projects with them, doing homework, making meals.

I get a lot of anxiety about her coming back. I actually get sick thinking about waiting for her to get angry, and the convoluted thinking that goes with it.

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RDMercer
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Old Today at 09:44 AM
  #282
 
The other thing is, once she is out of her apartment, where does all that new stuff go?

I offered her first pick of any of our furniture. I offered to take her name off the utilities so she could get set up. She refused and told me I'd hear from her lawyer.

Well, the bills come due on those things, and they aren't in my name.

That's that, I guess.
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Old Today at 12:18 PM
  #283
 
So you plan on staying in the home with your sons and figured you can afford it. Your wife has moved out so she canít really demand anything. She can scream and yell and threaten yet I think the lawyer friend you talked to is correct in that she canít force you to give up your family home just because she feels entitled. Let her pay for a lawyer. Itís very possible she is trying to bully you into getting her way.

Itís not surprising she is hitting the bars with her drinking buddies. She will find out the hard way these are not real friends.

I hope you cancelled any credit cards she can rack up debt on as well as any bank accounts she can deplete.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Today at 12:32 PM..
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Old Today at 03:27 PM
  #284
 
Alcohol is a depressant so abusing alcohol brings a person down into further depressed states. Consuming alcohol leads to many bad choices and the person slowly loses more and more control over their lives. An the abuse of alcohol and Xanex is worse because Xanex is also a depressant. If the person is on antidepressants itís bad to drink and all antidepressants and antipsychotics say right on the label not to drink alcohol.

Sadly you will probably see more disturbing mood changes in your wife. You donít really want her exposing your two sons to her confusing mood swings and bouts of anger. The fact that you stress now about her showing up at the house is revealing how her behaviors have been actually traumatizing you. This is what your sons have been experiencing that is very unhealthy for them to the point where they fear her and want to be away from her.

IMHO she should not be allowed to enter your home and they should not have to worry about being exposed to her.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Today at 04:29 PM..
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Old Today at 03:56 PM
  #285
 
I think you're right. But I'm not thinking about the drinking. I'm thinking about the being alone. Gosh, she ruminated so much as it was. Now, what does she have to do when she's not at work?

Her "sisters for life" can't be with her at all hours.

She's alone a lot.
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Old Today at 04:01 PM
  #286
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer View Post
I think you're right. But I'm not thinking about the drinking. I'm thinking about the being alone. Gosh, she ruminated so much as it was. Now, what does she have to do when she's not at work?

Her "sisters for life" can't be with her at all hours.

She's alone a lot.
Well itís not particularly wrong or unacceptable to be alone. People find things to do. Not everyone is partnered. Plus itís much better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Now she does have to split child care time, but I guess itís a bit different where her kids are older. I wonder why are you concerned with her being alone? Why is it an issue for you?

You wife is a royal pain and made everyoneís life extremely difficult, but it comes through your posts (correct me if I am wrong) that women need men to survive and cannot manage without men (preferably husbands) doing stuff for them. Itís a bit outdated. What do gay women or single women do when they need stuff done?

ďMove furniture and fix carsĒ? I mean I am married but my husband and I pay our dealership to get cars fixed if need to, we arenít car mechanics. My husband is RN, isnít trained to fix cars. And we have movers moving our stuff. My daughter and son in law are moving to a new house this weekend. Their movers not only move stuff, they pack too. Single women do the same, fix cars in dealerships and collision shops and hire movers. When I was single no random men did things for me but I also didnít sit around. Stuff gets done.

Having said that I get it that your particular wife is unable to manage. But thatís not a general rule of life that one must have a husband to get stuff done. Maybe your wife will come back home because she canít manage. But thatís who she is. I find it bizarre that without separation agreement and filing for divorce people just move in and out renting and buying. It was all done so backwards. She makes no sense

Last edited by divine1966; Today at 04:15 PM..
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Old Today at 04:43 PM
  #287
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer View Post
I think you're right. But I'm not thinking about the drinking. I'm thinking about the being alone. Gosh, she ruminated so much as it was. Now, what does she have to do when she's not at work?

Her "sisters for life" can't be with her at all hours.

She's alone a lot.
She wasnít really present when she lived at home, she isolated in her room remember? Then she comes out and bread crumbs you. Thatís not love and you are used to being an enabler. She isnít worried about you.
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