Divorce feeling lost

My wife has filed for divorce and had a affair. Small back story here for 13 yrs we've been trying to have kids. She has fertility issues. I have 1 from a previous marriage. My wife has been in her life since she was 6. Recently we tried IVF it did not wrk. In total we have lost 7 kids. After failed IVF we both grew a lil distance things were hard for both us. In August first time in 13 yrs we had a fight she left stayed at friends. We decided to talk bout our problems wrk on them. We walked around a lake for bout a hr. Discussing what needed to be done. I did everything she asked of me. Come to find out she had already planned on filing just wanted to bye herself time for a remodel of her store at wrk to be done. She didn't want to deal with divorce and wrk stress same time. Day after remodels done she fb msgs me saying she's gonna file take $200 out of acct and please leave house. I'm on the deed so wasn't leaving. Couple days go by I find out she was having a affair she denies it till I show her proof. She then falsy accused me of her being afraid in house and has me forceably removed by two sheriff's. In my entire life I have never hit a women or touched her in way she did not approve. We go to court for restraing order. She loses cause she does not lie tell judge I haven't even pushed her in 13 yrs. I am now living upstairs her dwn stairs. While I was home less for that wk and half she had her new bf over and had sex with him in our bed multiple times. She posts there relationship proudly on fb for likes. She plans on moving him in after divorce is final. She barely knows him. ..what I don't understand is this isn't who my wife has been for 13 yrs. She has always despised cheaters and agreed we'd never do that to each other. She has shown no compassion for me no guilt no remorse. Everytime I try to share my feelings get anwsers ..I'm usually totally ignored or told I don't have the answers you want. I just don't understand how she could change so much. To show no compassion no remorse for hurting me breaking apart our family. My daughter's and her realationship is ruined ..our dogs r confused why were never together anymore. I'm lost hurt broken and feel alone. After everything I still love her deeply miss her it's killing me. I'm a recovering alcoholic also so it's been extremely difficult. Last relapse I ended up in coma for 3 days doctors tell me I drink again I die. Honestly I don't care I don't wanna be here anymore I don't want another day of missery ,loving her, missing her. Right now only reason I haven't drank myself to death is I don't want to hurt my daughter my mom my family. I'm living just for them..which isn't easy. She blantely goes to see the guy now stays the night has sex with him post there days on fb for likes. She's there right now. I've been to doctors for antidepressants panic attack meds . I'm trying to survive but I don't want to really. I'm just so tired of it all. Life in general..I just wish I knew what happened to her why she's a totally different person now. Who dosent care who she hurts or destroys.

I’m sorry you are struggling like this. Do Not consume alcohol for numbing. Stay sober and go to AA for support and see if you can find a good sponsor who can listen and help you work pass the urge to drink.

Did your wife have addiction problems?

Please know that consuming alcohol to numb doesn’t really work Instead it makes the pain even worse. This is why people consume more and more. Then a persons health declines and they end up dying from the alcohol destroying their internal organs.

Stay sober and seek help to find a medication to help and therapy.

It sounds incredibly stressful. Try to focus on the fact that you have a child who needs her father to be alive and healthy. Focus on that. Would you consider therapy for yourself?

If you are willing, you might want to give an update on your situation.