[poshgirl]

My friend, who's a relative newcomer to social media, has shared a recent experience with me.

For about 7 months, she's been chatting privately with a guy (he's 36, she's 60). Conversations primarily about shared interests (travel). He introduced other subjects, including sex. Not wanting this discussion, she politely changed the subject. He continued with occasional innuendo.

Three weeks ago, they met for lunch. He was the perfect gentleman, paying for their meal. Both agreed it had been enjoyable. Three days later, he "wished she could join him in (insert UK city name)". They had a brief chat, then nothing for about 5 days. He then posts engagement announcement on same social media, showing his partner's hand and ring.

She wasn't upset by this. Instead it amused her that he could be so elusive. He'd also said he wasn't in a relationship. However, she's said she feels sorry for his fiancee who's blissfully unaware of his late night discussions. Decision taken to unfollow him, deleting their conversations.

This afternoon he's contacted her again, asking if she's okay and why she hasn't been in touch with him. Again, she's deleted the message but doesn't think he'll remain silent.

So, her dilemma is, should she tell him the reason why she hasn't been in touch. Will it give the impression that she was taking their friendship too seriously, or give him a mild rebuke for his behaviour. Another option is to make an excuse about being busy and see if he mentions the engagement.

Your thoughts please!

[divine1966]

Delete and block. There’s nothing to discuss with this “gentleman”. Paying for meals doesn’t make one a gentleman. This guy clearly isn’t one. He doesn’t need an explanation.

[Rive.]

What should she do? She should do whatever she wants to do.

Nothing wrong with telling him that his actions are far from being 'the perfect gentleman'. He is a liar. Sometimes people need to hear the truth i.e. their behaviour is not acceptable and they have been caught in a lie. Then block.

[unaluna]

Im seeing a catfish.

[divine1966]

I missed that he is 36 and she is 60. Ok now. I hope she did not give him her bank account info or any other credentials. Dude wanted to talk dirty with a woman who can be his mother. Did he ask for money at any point? I’d probably be tempted to play a game to see what he’s really up to. Might not be money but a fetish for older women. Could be also anyone’s hand on supposedly engagement pics. His accomplice’s? They don’t typically work alone

[poshgirl]

Thanks all, for your valuable responses. Have shared these with her this morning. She's reported back that he's started liking tweets that he never did before.

Agree with what has been said. Used the term gentleman as something us more mature people (age) say.

No, she didn't give bank account details nor did he ask for money. Thinks it could be a fetish as when he mentioned about preferring women not girls in one of their chats, she stated she was not a "Mrs Robinson" type. If you're a certain age, you'll understand this! He can't judge all girls by his failed experiences. Using the word girl means early 20s.

She hasn't responded to any of his direct messages. Did wonder if his fiancee works shifts (a nurse?) and doesn't live with him. That's possible but just a guess.

She'll let me know if he makes contact again and if she decides to play a game to see what materialises.

[Mendingmysoul]

Single older women are targets for many fraudulent people.If she has something tangible like own home ,money things like that.They can come in pairs too.Husband wife,boyfriend girlfriend.She is lucky to have you.You are truly concerned about her wellbeing.

[Discombobulated]

Oh he sounds very dodgy.

I’ve come across (not me personally but colleagues) men who don’t regard social media/dating apps as cheating on their partners. Sounds like his moral code might be very different to your friend’s. I feel very sorry for the fiancée.

As an aside I wouldn’t let someone I don’t really know pay for my meal, I’d do this if I really knew someone and they were a friend/we took turns paying. It keeps things neutral and you don’t owe anything to anyone if you pay your own bill, that’s my rationale behind this.

[poshgirl]

He's made contact again from a flight (the joys of wifi!). He makes a living from travel blogs.

My friend decided to see what would happen so reopened her side of communication. His latest message asked "don't you miss our chats?" Her reply, not immediate, was "yes but you have a wedding to plan". No response, even taking into account the time difference.

Reassured me that she won't do anything daft like spread his name over social media. Apparently, the waitress did ask if they wanted to split the lunch bill. My friend said yes, then he responded that it was "on him".

One of my contacts, who's always been very respectful with me, described social media as no place for shrinking violets and a cesspit at times. How true!

[poshgirl]

Just to let you know, there's been no response to her comment.

He's posting, liking other people's posts and responding to them. He hasn't liked either of her posts.

She'll let me know if there's any further contact. Perhaps he's gone quiet from embarrassment!

[Rive.]

Well of course he won't reply.. He knows she found out he is a liar. So, he will now move on to prey on other unsuspecting women who might fall for his bs.

[poshgirl]

The comment about him contacting her again was rhetorical. Like closure for the event.

At our ages, very little shocks/surprises us anymore!