Challenging Family Relationships

TishaBuv

I deal with both kinds.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T

TishaBuv

They have made and are making a lot of choices that show they are not really of sound mind. Although they are sharp about current events, and things like that, they think they are invincible and making dangerous choices like driving.

It may get to a point where they get case workers intervening. But this is good because they will put them into a facility with nursing care.

And, no, I am not taking them in to live with me because it would kill me.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T

Open Eyes

How old are they?

Open Eyes

This is a challenge when an elderly parent is aware but is starting to make bad decisions and shouldn’t be driving.

This is when an assisted living place should be considered. Yet some refuse to move and give up their home.

This is when my older sister talked my parents into setting up a new will that gave her too much power also when she talked my mother who was declining with dementia to make her checking account a joint account where my sister began taking her money.

This was done in secrecy behind my back. So be careful.

TishaBuv

Mom’s nearly 90. I know your sister shut you out, as so many toxic families do. It happened in my FOO, too.

There was drama over the past two years where it looks like someone with a “great plan” was trying to do the same. The rest of us put a stop to it. I, again the only one to actually do something, spoke to lawyers and got truly good advice for a great plan and was able to get Mom to do it. It is fair for everyone and I was completely transparent.

What happened in the past with my father’s father killed him. I was so affected by this. There was no way this was happening again to us. And you’d think the rest of the family would feel the same way about fairness, love, honesty…but some went to do the same thing. It’s shocking.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T

Open Eyes

Her age reflects a very different generation often with very deep cultural traditions that are not flexible and understanding as current knowledge about things/behaviors that are considered toxic and unhealthy.

TishaBuv

This time, I did not have the intense meltdown. We did not have the “reward”. I eliminated that part of the toxic dance, the reinforcement.

Things are calm here, back to normal.

I realize part of the problem is that I experienced trauma with intimacy in a few key ways before him, and then in this relationship with him. It was not dealt with properly and I didn’t get the support I needed. It all got compounded worse.

My husband is willing to take a break from the intimacy and just let me exist here without the triggers. I just need some time without being triggered. I feel I can be alright if I avoid them.

I don’t know what will happen after that. I pray for more patience with him. I will look at it as he just has a very different way of seeing things and terrible communication skills.

It’s the strangest thing in the world. I have never seen another relationship like it, where we get along so well aside from a HUGE issue that makes me seriously ill.

I am sorry for my callous posts of recent on this thread. I am grateful and do value him. I’d say I feel ashamed (I do), but I don’t want to beat myself up.

I feel like I am making some progress.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T

Open Eyes

@TishaBuv it’s ok to vent frustrations. You are correct in that it’s important to figure out how certain things trigger you that are part of your history. Part of personal healing is in understanding self better and that can take time and patience.

The other thing to come to terms with is the fact that others may not have the ability to understand us like we want. That can be due to brain wiring, something I have had to work around in my 42 years of marriage.

TishaBuv

Thank you for all your emotional support. You rock, OE!

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T

Sunflower123

I live with and care for my 87 year old mother. I have grown used to her taking me for granted and treating my surviving sibling and even her dog better than she treats me. She is totally unappreciative. I found out today that she has betrayed my trust by revealing to several people what I told her in confidence. I’m so upset and hurt and angry. I feel like moving out and leaving her there to fend for herself with my sibling’s help. I won’t do that of course. I have too much character. So unnecessary.