advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Space Wizard
Member
Space Wizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: The Moon
Posts: 67
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Dec 30, 2022 at 04:44 PM
  #1
Hi folks.

I guess I set up an account on here ten or so years ago but am now marginally older and wiser. Wasn't sure if this belonged in the bipolar subforum or this one, so mods please feel free to move.

I'll try - try - to keep this short, as the full story with all its twists and turns takes approximately 45 minutes to say out loud.

I'm kind of at the end of my rope. The only experience I have with bipolar disorder is that my best friend has bipolar II that is well-managed with therapy and medication. This, however, is all completely uncharted territory for me.

In May, I started a relationship with an absolutely wonderful, amazing, beautiful person who I will refer to as Jordan. Jordan has cPTSD and Bipolar 1 with Psychosis, which I did not know at the time.

There were a few hiccups - Jordan is polyamorous (more on this later), I am not, but after a decade-plus of serial monogamy I was open to trying an open relationship. The hiccups we had were all due to a lack of disclosure on Jordan's end - whenever they said, "hey, I'm going on a date with such and such person, is that okay with you?" it was completely fine. Whenever they said "hey, I'm going to get lunch with this woman I am friends with" and I found out through the grapevine that they'd been on a date with a man, I would be upset, because they had no reason to lie about this to me. Stuff like this happened a few times, culminating in me finding out that shortly after we got together they had tried to make it work with their abusive ex and that they were together for the first two months of our relationship, and that their final breakup was in fact what triggered the episode that had me driving Jordan to the psychiatric ICU at 9:30 on a Thursday evening.

Again, I knew they were together when we started dating, the issue was that I was told they had broken up, but not that they got back together a week later. This - the lying to me because they think I will be jealous, and then not understanding that the lying is the problem - is a recurring theme.

I would also like to note that despite Jordan's troubled relationship with the truth, I sincerely do believe that they were very badly abused by this man - they are a bad liar and their story has never wavered, even once, about his behavior.

I'll also note that we only had two such arguments in a five month relationship, and every other day was really wonderful. I accepted those transgressions as growing pains in the relationship, but I did make note of them happening in case they were part of a pattern.

Oh dear, this isn't very brief at all.

Anyway, on Halloween, Jordan's mental health took a nose dive and they abruptly broke up with me as a result. They basically said they were not in a place to be in any sort of a relationship right now due to their mental health and needed to prioritize getting better. Although I disagreed with the methods, I agreed with the reasoning. About six weeks later, I became aware of a death in the family and reached out to offer condolences.

Okay, here's the mostly-chronological speed-run of everything that's happened in the three weeks since - Jordan has expressed interest in us getting back together in the future, but has to prioritize their recovery but can't be dating right now, and I have agreed, they should be prioritizing their mental health and recovery and I am happy to help them on that journey how I can. Jordan has entered into two tumultuous relationships with other mentally ill people. They have continued to casually date and engaged in risky casual sex with strangers. When I confronted them about "hey, you are absolutely NOT prioritizing your recovery and are very much dating people, why did you tell me you were doing something else" they screamed at me about how I don't respect them as a polyamorous person and then a few hours later about how I am a dark wizard who has cursed them with misfortune and bad luck. Less than twelve hours an apology for their behavior, they went out on another date with a random stranger who assaulted them. They have fabricated a story about a suicide attempt that no human being could have survived. They have begun heavily self-medicating with marijuana and alcohol in addition to their medications, which they went off for three of the six weeks were broken up for. Their family has stopped speaking to them due to their erratic behavior. They have started and been fired from a new job after calling out three times in their first week for mental health reasons. They are facing eviction and it appears that nobody is offering them shelter, not any of their "friends" they are dating, nobody they are in a relationship with, and of course not their alienated family. They are devoting most of their time to seeking out new intimate relationships and wallowing in self-pity on social media.

Here's the thing.

I know this can't be my problem. I know I am not responsible for this person. I know that they are spiraling and that they are self-sabotaging and that this is an episode. I know that I have to put my own mental health first. I know that the fact that I still have romantic feelings for them is making this much harder than it needs to be. I know you can't help people who won't help themselves, and they are going to therapy, taking their meds, and trying to do the little things, but I know that that's a bandaid on many larger problems and it's probably a defense mechanism so they can say, "see, I am doing the work." I know all of this. I really do.

But they have completely destroyed their own life to the point of imminent homelessness/death, I appear to be quite literally all they have left, and I don't know how to carry that burden without making my own mental health worse, and I need help. It would destroy me if anything happened to them. I just don't know how to walk this tightrope.

Thanks for reading.

EDIT: lol at my signature. I really haven't been on here for a while.

__________________
"Some men choose to chase women. Other men choose to chase aesthetics. If you're wondering which way to go, remember your muscles will never wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore." - Socrates
Space Wizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 30, 2022 at 09:27 PM
  #2
Quote:
But they have completely destroyed their own life to the point of imminent homelessness/death, I appear to be quite literally all they have left, and I don't know how to carry that burden without making my own mental health worse, and I need help. It would destroy me if anything happened to them. I just don't know how to walk this tightrope.
You already said it, you can't carry this burden. This person is actively making choices that will bring them harm. I sure understand wanting to "save" them. Spent most of my life trying to save people i cared for. The reality is we can not do it for them and we risk getting pulled down into the muck and the mire with them.

As hard as it is I would strongly encourage you to take a couple of giant steps backward emotionally. In addictions care it's tough love. We have to step back and let the person face consequences for what they've done. Is it hard? Oh heck yes! Is it painful? Again, yes. But you can't carry the burden for them. They have to do that themselves.

Good luck to you hon.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Have Hope, Open Eyes, Space Wizard
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 30, 2022 at 10:25 PM
  #3
You spent a lot of emotion in your long post. When one attaches to an unhealthy person this is what happens. The result is emotional exhaustion and a sense of powerlessness. The truth is you ARE powerless and this person is unhealthy for you and has been from the start.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Space Wizard
Nammu
Crone
 
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 70,968 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
53.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 30, 2022 at 11:59 PM
  #4
What Liz saiid was wise, I second her advice. You are not responsible for him, he needs to take responsibility for himself. This situation is like an airplane. You need to put your air mask on yourself.

__________________
Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



Nammu is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, Open Eyes
Space Wizard
Member
Space Wizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: The Moon
Posts: 67
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 12:02 PM
  #5
Hi folks,

Thanks, yeah, I got so wound up writing this that I sort of forgot to make it practical. My question is more along the lines of, “how do I put my air mask on?”

I know that continuing the situation as it is unsustainable and I can’t do anything for anyone if I don’t look after myself first, but I don’t know how to get out of it in a way that is safe for both of us.

Thanks again.

__________________
"Some men choose to chase women. Other men choose to chase aesthetics. If you're wondering which way to go, remember your muscles will never wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore." - Socrates
Space Wizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Nammu
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,042 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 12:24 PM
  #6
What do you mean safe for both of you? You’re not obligated to this person. And you’re not obligated to save them. Jordan has to do this on her own. It’s a toxic mess. Steer clear is my advice. You don’t owe jordan anything. Jordan has lied to you and has misled you. Like someone else said, don’t go down with a sinking ship. That’s codependency.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes

Last edited by Have Hope; Dec 31, 2022 at 01:39 PM..
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Space Wizard
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 01:08 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Wizard View Post
Hi folks,

Thanks, yeah, I got so wound up writing this that I sort of forgot to make it practical. My question is more along the lines of, “how do I put my air mask on?”

I know that continuing the situation as it is unsustainable and I can’t do anything for anyone if I don’t look after myself first, but I don’t know how to get out of it in a way that is safe for both of us.

Thanks again.
I believe your best way of putting on your air mask is to mentally and physically take a giant step backward. In practical terms limited your contact with Jordan. No face to face contact. Greatly limit answering phone calls and texts. Mentally, remind yourself you are not responsible for Jordan. This might, most likely will, result in Jordan making greater efforts to draw you in. Set boundaries about limiting contact and stick to them.

I agree with Hope that Jordan has lied to you and used you. This will be hard, but stick to it. You deserve better treatment and are NOT responsible for Jordan.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Nammu
 
Thanks for this!
Have Hope, Nammu, Space Wizard
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 02:57 PM
  #8
What you describe is that you are dealing with individuals that have addiction problems and are living in denial.

People like this make bad life decisions and often attach to others that also have addiction issues. They tend to continue living in denial and constantly looking to blame others. Always needing validation always the victim and still in denial about their self medicating habits.

They look for an emotional patsy that will support how they are a victim even when this other person has never met this so called abuser. They can sway from being fragile and needy to coming off as strong and knowing all about abuse, all the while hiding their own self medicating addiction.

Best thing to do is walk away and stop getting sucked into the constant drama.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Space Wizard
Space Wizard
Member
Space Wizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: The Moon
Posts: 67
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 07:35 PM
  #9
Yeah, the more I sort of turn this stuff over in my head the more I realize you are all correct.

I’m a firm believer in letting people make their own mistakes, but in this case I was concerned that those mistakes would have devastating consequences that I want to avoid. I still want them avoided! I don’t want anything bad to happen to this person! But I’m enabling them right now and that’s not fair to either of us, and unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a way to help ensure a soft landing from this most recent crisis in a way that does not also enable bad behavior.

I think for me it’s just been coming to terms with the idea that “I will support you” means “YOU are going to be doing the work, I will be present while you are doing it.” It’s an agreement and both people have to fulfill their ends of it. It doesn’t mean “I will do the work for you AND excuse all of your behavior.” I am aware of how unfair their treatment of me has been and whether it’s been intentional, conscious manipulation or not only changes whether or not I take it personally - it’s still hurtful, it’s still wrong, it’s still unfair, and it’s still going to continue until I set an even stronger boundary around it.

Thanks for the tough love, everyone.

__________________
"Some men choose to chase women. Other men choose to chase aesthetics. If you're wondering which way to go, remember your muscles will never wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore." - Socrates
Space Wizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
lizardlady, Nammu, Open Eyes
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 08:19 PM
  #10
Oh, it hurts like bloody blue blazes to watch someone we care for do things we know are going to harm them. When that involves devastating consequences it is frightening hard. You can do this.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Open Eyes
Space Wizard
Member
Space Wizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: The Moon
Posts: 67
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 08:46 PM
  #11
Yeah, I alluded to this in the original post but my best friend also has bipolar and the way she describes her episodes, which has been immensely helpful to me, is that she is "not in the driver's seat."

But, as she has said about this situation, at some point you have to stop letting someone else drive. You have to grab the wheel again. Letting yourself constantly be the passenger isn't any better.

So, yeah, I think the way to set boundaries around this is to slowly disengage. Not a hard break, like I think that contacting Jordan to be like "hey, I have never been anything but kind and supportive towards you and you've taken advantage of that and responded by behaving in a cruel and erratic fashion" is going to make it worse no matter how diplomatically I approach it. But arm's length seems to be the minimum distance I can hold them at right now. If - and god, this is a huge if - they get serious about their recovery I can re-evaluate at that time, but I don't expect this to be in the near future. If they text me to say hi, I'll say hi, whatever. If we see each other out, hey, how you been, good, cool, gotta go. If they call me because they have another crisis they need their hand held for, well, gosh, you know, I'm pretty busy right now, sorry. Can you call any of your other boyfriends?

I did a few things behind the scenes today to prepare. As I may have noted, they're facing eviction and this has made them spiral worse, as one would expect. So, I emailed them links to some local tenant advocacy groups who may be able to help them keep their home. Then, I called their psychiatrist, who knows me since I'd been to a few appointments when we were together, and told them what's been going on as I am sure Jordan has not been forthcoming with them. I consider this a compromise with the part of myself that wants to remain more actively involved.

And now, I wash my hands of this. May I never have to update this thread again. Unless it's in like, a year and it's to say "hey, Jordan is doing really well, I just saw them for the first time a few days ago, turns out you guys were right, thanks."

__________________
"Some men choose to chase women. Other men choose to chase aesthetics. If you're wondering which way to go, remember your muscles will never wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore." - Socrates
Space Wizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
lizardlady, Nammu
 
Thanks for this!
lizardlady
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 31, 2022 at 10:58 PM
  #12
I think it’s important for you to figure out why you allow these kind of individuals to use you. Why do you take on these kind of individuals who only see you as someone to use?
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 01, 2023 at 02:09 AM
  #13
This person is a habitual liar and a cheater. No it’s not growing pain in a new relationship and I don’t buy that she doesn’t understand that lying is a problem. Sure liars do know that lying is wrong. They are not 2-year olds

I’d focus on your own life rather than this person’s life and possibly seek therapy for yourself. You’d benefit from figuring out why you want to be with such people and why do you continue pursuing them despite them behaving horribly and ending it with you

Having said all that, it’s absolutely not your place to call her psychiatrist. Simply because you went to few appointments doesn’t give you a permission to call them about this person. They aren’t your family: spouse or child or a parent (even then it’s not your place unless permission was given to you). This is someone you briefly dated while they slept around. That’s not the kind of relationship where you call their doctor.

What did a psychiatrist say? Why did they even listen to you? As terrible as this Jordan person is, it would be very understandable if she was upset you are calling her medical providers. Please stop doing such things but instead seek help for yourself.
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Space Wizard
Member
Space Wizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: The Moon
Posts: 67
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Jan 01, 2023 at 05:21 PM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
This person is a habitual liar and a cheater. No it’s not growing pain in a new relationship and I don’t buy that she doesn’t understand that lying is a problem. Sure liars do know that lying is wrong. They are not 2-year olds

I’d focus on your own life rather than this person’s life and possibly seek therapy for yourself. You’d benefit from figuring out why you want to be with such people and why do you continue pursuing them despite them behaving horribly and ending it with you

Having said all that, it’s absolutely not your place to call her psychiatrist. Simply because you went to few appointments doesn’t give you a permission to call them about this person. They aren’t your family: spouse or child or a parent (even then it’s not your place unless permission was given to you). This is someone you briefly dated while they slept around. That’s not the kind of relationship where you call their doctor.

What did a psychiatrist say? Why did they even listen to you? As terrible as this Jordan person is, it would be very understandable if she was upset you are calling her medical providers. Please stop doing such things but instead seek help for yourself.
It could be tone not conveying properly over text, but this strikes me as a pretty hostile response to someone fumbling through a tough situation and I do feel compelled to defend myself a tiny bit here. If I am misreading your tone or intent then I apologize.

The doctor did not speak to me or anything like that. I'm not equipped to offer any more support to Jordan, the sooner they extricate themselves from my life the better, but I don't want anything bad to happen to them nor to anyone else, which I think is a real risk with someone like this. So I left an anonymous message for the doctor about the alcoholism and the fabricated suicide attempts as a "hey man, this person's mental health is getting really bad, you are a professional entrusted with their care so I think you should know it happened" thing.

Someone made a similar phone call for a close friend of mine a few years ago when he was hiding his own drug and alcohol use from his psychiatrist. Ultimately that phone call saved my friend's life.

Regardless this is all stuff I will be discussing with my own therapist, who I am going back to seeing this coming week, and any discussion of my own brain problems - which are greatly improved but obviously not gone - will have to be saved for another thread.


Might check this one again in the future, might not as I am a bit embarrassed reading it all back to myself.
Space Wizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
lizardlady, Nammu, Open Eyes
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 01, 2023 at 05:59 PM
  #15
It’s true that a person can deceive a psychiatrist and therapist. Your input may guide a psychiatrist to pay closer attention.

One thing I have learned in my life is that addicts tend to conceal important facts, sadly to their own peril.

I have noticed how certain individuals are on medications where the should not consume alcohol but choose to do so anyway. Even those who had psychotic breakdowns that are put on meds drink when warned not to.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Space Wizard
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 01, 2023 at 06:59 PM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Wizard View Post
It could be tone not conveying properly over text, but this strikes me as a pretty hostile response to someone fumbling through a tough situation and I do feel compelled to defend myself a tiny bit here. If I am misreading your tone or intent then I apologize.

The doctor did not speak to me or anything like that. I'm not equipped to offer any more support to Jordan, the sooner they extricate themselves from my life the better, but I don't want anything bad to happen to them nor to anyone else, which I think is a real risk with someone like this. So I left an anonymous message for the doctor about the alcoholism and the fabricated suicide attempts as a "hey man, this person's mental health is getting really bad, you are a professional entrusted with their care so I think you should know it happened" thing.

Someone made a similar phone call for a close friend of mine a few years ago when he was hiding his own drug and alcohol use from his psychiatrist. Ultimately that phone call saved my friend's life.

Regardless this is all stuff I will be discussing with my own therapist, who I am going back to seeing this coming week, and any discussion of my own brain problems - which are greatly improved but obviously not gone - will have to be saved for another thread.


Might check this one again in the future, might not as I am a bit embarrassed reading it all back to myself.
Not hostile at all, but rather frustrated on your behalf. My apologies if it came across that way! I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

This person really did a number on you messing with your head making you do all kind of stuff and put up with inexcusable! Some people just cause havoc everywhere they go. You got swept by the storm of a troublesome person who had no consideration for your well being. No need to defend yourself. I see that you just left a message, didn’t actually converse with the psychiatrist. My bad

It’s good you’ll see your own therapist. You are a good person and have nothing to be embarrassed about. Many of us, including yours truly, tried to help people who have no desire to be helped and in addition we are the ones treated poorly! Who needs that. There are plenty of people who want help and treat others kindly.

Good luck on your next journey! You did all you could. Now on to good enjoyable things in life
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Have Hope, Space Wizard
Space Wizard
Member
Space Wizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: The Moon
Posts: 67
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Jan 01, 2023 at 08:37 PM
  #17
Yeah, you've both noted turning points here - there was a period at the beginning of this whole saga where they seemed to be really taking their recovery seriously, very candidly acknowledging their problems and how those problems impact other people, and what concrete steps they were going to take to fix them, and I was like, "well, hell, I can roll with that." But then they started spiraling again, the drug and alcohol use increased (they never did drugs and rarely drank when we were together), the lies started piling up, the psychosis got more bizarre... I think I've gotten better at recognizing people who can and want to be helped, and once it became obvious that that's not what was happening here my mood soured pretty quickly. All in all a lesson learned for me. Hopefully for them too, at some point.

__________________
"Some men choose to chase women. Other men choose to chase aesthetics. If you're wondering which way to go, remember your muscles will never wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore." - Socrates
Space Wizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 01, 2023 at 09:22 PM
  #18
It’s always disappointing when someone seems to commit to staying sober and turning their life around and then revert back to engaging in bad things. Over the years of my husband trying to help others we have seen this happen too many times. It can be heart breaking.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,302 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 01, 2023 at 09:49 PM
  #19
Sometimes people with multitude of issues, including addictions and disorders, tell others what they want to hear. Most addicts tell their loved ones that they committed to recovery. Sadly, that what makes loved ones stick around. It sounds very convincing. But the reality is often far from a fairy tale
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Space Wizard
Member
Space Wizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: The Moon
Posts: 67
8 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Jan 02, 2023 at 10:04 PM
  #20
Just popping in for no particular reason (nothing new to report outside of me saying no when they asked to see me last night) - I know I used the A word and we are talking about alcoholism, but I don't think Jordan is an alcoholic - even when they did drink around me, it was in moderation. I think they are self-medicating with drugs and alcohol right now, and I imagine if and when this passes they will go back to being able to drink in a healthy way, or at least they would, if they were not on literally four different medications that are all not supposed to be mixed with alcohol. I don't think that really matters so much, just a thing I was thinking about in reading the comments.


I do, however, think they are a sex addict, which is a much trickier thing to puzzle through, especially when we were in a non-monogamous relationship to begin with. Again, in a moment of clarity early on they mentioned that a motivator for their "reckless behavior that hurts them and the people around them" is addiction "not so much to substances, but to feelings." When someone puts it like that, you're like, "okay, you understand what's happening here."

But then it keeps happening, and it's like, "well, maybe you actually don't understand."


Something I noticed a while back re: social media is that they have lots of photos with other friends, lovers, acquaintances, whatever, lots of people tagged in those photos over the past couple of years. They don't appear to still be in contact with any of them. Really sad little thing to notice.

__________________
"Some men choose to chase women. Other men choose to chase aesthetics. If you're wondering which way to go, remember your muscles will never wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore." - Socrates
Space Wizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:18 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.