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Poohbah
black-roses
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Member Since: Dec 2015
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,458
116 hugs
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#1
So, I went to the psychiatrist today hoping I'd get detailed results on my IQ from the other psychologist that did it but she's on leave for a day. Anyway I talked to my psychiatrist more in depth about my OCD thoughts that I fear ending up alone and I mentioned that my mum is very anxious about what happens to me when she dies. He said he's not sure that these obsessive thoughts are from my condition it thinks that maybe my mum because she says she's scared about what happens to me so maybe I obsess about it. I don't know how having a boyfriend has anything to do with what happens to me when she dies but anyway I explained I had a fear of being independent and I asked him why he said he didn't know. Well anyway, talking about that made me feel very emotional I didn't even realise how emotional. So now I have a very different question to ask myself has my mum's fear being transfered to me and that's why I'm obsessing about relationships. Well anyway I said I felt like I needed a partner to help take care of me because I fear like I don't know how to take care of me when I am alone. He asked me if I had a counsellor I had one last year but she didn't really help that much so I'm helping to go back to the GP for a mental health plan. I go tomorrow I will have a lot to talk about the potential and my worry of precancer cells in my cervix the cough that gives me blinding migraines, the mental health plan etc. I don't want to forget any of it. So I think I'll just put it in my notes what to bring up. Anyway yeah the chat to my psychiatrist was very interesting and when I went home I wrote ten pages about how I feel if and when mum dies and yeah it's scary so maybe some of this obsessive thoughts are triggered from my mother's anxiety. I talked about her trauma too even because like all of this effects me. Especially when she talks about how her mother rejected her. I mentioned my sister that takes 6 drugs for bipolar and that she has a high heart rate and feeling like it's not necessary for her to be on all that. He said that she needs treatment for it but I said it made me feel anxious the amount she's on and that doctors just like giving meds. Well anyway, talking to him gave me another prospective and it made me realise I'm not weird for worrying. Anyway, I feel like I'm not crazy or weird for a change and just in a complicated situation. The stuff with my sister and her partner I'm not getting involved I no longer care if she sees other guys it's none of my business and that time I didn't need to be involved anyway.
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Open Eyes, unaluna, Yaowen
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Grand Magnate
Yaowen
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Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 3,618
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#2
I hope things work out. It is great that you keep notes and write. That can be so helpful.
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